I'm glad things are going good for you. Things seem to change so quickly that you can't keep up with them. All of a sudden you realize that they are no longer doing something they used to do of vice versa. Enjoy your lunches Crella.

Aitan,
How is your grandpa handling things with grandma not there?

Yes, as often as I can, while they last. It 's good to have these sunny patches now and then.
Thank you Joyce.

We need those sunny patches to get us through the bad days.

My physical journey is over but I will never forget the journey. Nor will I forget the people on this forum that gave me directions and helped get me through it. I couldn't began to thank all those here who were there for me. A lot of good advice and a soft shoulder for me to cry on.

A BIG THANK YOU to everyone.

I guess I'll give my update - we have mom on a waiting list for a bed at a nursing facility. They said it may take 3 months, she's been on the list for a month, so we will see.

This came about because of a number of things. I still am not getting the support I need or any rest, mom needs almost constant supervision now and she is really beginning to have trouble with being able to move. She's having trouble getting up from the couch and bath time has turned into quite a long process because she is having trouble lifting her leg to get into the tub, she is too heavy for me to lift. It finally came down to me deciding that I would rather visit her and really spend time talking to and holding her hand than to keep her here at home and be upset, tired and irritable with her. I haven't been able to bring myself to visit the facility, but my brother and sister-in-law have and they tell me the people seem happy there and the staff remembered a friend of my sister-in-law's whose mother lived there about 6 years ago, so it seems like there is low turnover as far as staff. I will go soon, I'm just avoiding it for a couple more weeks. I can't even think about the day we will bring her there to live.

Anyway, that's what's going on at our house. I will be staying in and continuing to pay the mortgage on mom's house for the time being. The facility is halfway between my and my brother's house, so it will be no problem to go often. Over the past couple month or so, I've really been able to see how much this disease devastates life, not just of the person who has it, but the family also. As she has gotten further along, I have seen that I am not going to be able to take care of her here unless I quit my job and that's not an option because I need the health insurance and the money.

Last night's funny (NOT) was that I was in the basement sorting the laundry to be done and suddenly I saw water dripping from the ceiling. I ran upstairs and mom had forgotten to shut off the faucet in the kitchn and unfortunately the plug for the drain was engaged. Water everywhere and an hour or so to wet vac and try to dry out the kitchen and basement. Sigh.

Feeling pretty guilty right now....MIL came home for 5 days, and she sundowned to beat the band tonight....she went over to her old house where she has a ton of clothes, with the woman who used to clean her house when she lived in it. Well, her maid has a big voice and cracks a lot of jokes. I'd told her keep it quiet, but I guess she didn't . MIL came back with 'that look' in her eyes and started in on me as soon as we got in the door. We're throwing her away, we took her house away from her, we're not taking care of her. When she said her legs hurt I gave her two bufferin and all hell broke loose 'You're trying to kill me!' I am afraid I lost my temper and told her that the decision to move here, to a separate house was hers, and that she has diabetes and pain and must take meds. I feel so bad.

She just told me to divorce my husband and get out, our house is now hers. I'm staying up here for a while see if it helps.We were doing great until this afternoon, she was happy. I guess the green-eyed monster isn't as dead as I thought...as soon as she gets mad at me she tells to take a hike and calls me a stupid foreigner. ARGH! But I still feel bad for getting angry, I've made it worse. (do we have a 'banging my head off a wall' smiley??)

We are still on the waiting list. The only news on the AD front is mom wanted and got a Barbie doll with a pink dress and she has somehow become convinced that I am wearing her eyeglasses and she is wearing mine (go figure). She will wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me she has my eyeglasses.....

Judy, she may be trying to tell you that her vision isn't 'working' right. One of my clients has ALZ and he'll pull of his glasses and say he must have one one of the kids' glasses -- that he can't understand a single thing he reads.

August's update - Mom will be admitted on Tuesday, Aug 11. Since my last update, mom has gotten more weak, she cannot get up from a sitting position without help. Bathing has become so difficult in this house (built in 1929 with the tiniest bathroom and mom isn't tiny) that I take her to my brother's every time, since he has a walk-in shower with plenty of room.

I have also been so exhausted from not sleeping more than 3-4 hours per 24 hours (cause she's not) that I was written up at work for losing it. I cannot lose my job, have to have the health insurance. On the brighter side, my diabetes is under tight control with only 1 pill a day and watching my diet.

My brother went today to fill out all the forms for admission next week and they did the application for Medicaid. She qualifies, Lord knows we have gone through all the money. We are seeing the psychiatrist tomorrow for a regular appointment and he is going to start the withdrawal of Effexor, which is the last medication she is taking. I am going to ask for something for anxiety, especially for the first day.

The nursing home we chose is so nice - it's a Bortz Health Care home and the building is actually part of an old estate. There is a very long porch, a giant parlor, beautiful dining area, the rooms are a little hospital looking, but I have gotten a nice quilt and once we bring in some things to make it more homey it will be nice. She is going to be on the main floor with the higher functioning AD residents, and at a point where she is in the last stage, she can go upstairs until the end. The staff is very friendly and most have been there for years. They do not make the family stay away for any period of time - they believe the family knows best. The facility is better than I ever could have hoped. My brother is going to admit her (I am going to make things worse by bawling if I'm there) and I am going to see her Wednesday morning and spend most of the day with her. I intend to go every day until she settles in.

Oh Judy,
I know how very had this must be on you. I'm so glad that you found a wonderful place for your Mom as you've described. I've had help at night with Mom, and I'm still exhausted. I can only imagine how you must feel.

I've been so fortunate so far to not have to put Mom in a home, but I have to say, if I don't get finances together, I've also thought I may have to one day. I've had an agency for only two weeks, and it's been more than my monthly mortgage payment. So by next week I'm quitting them as I don't know how long she may be here, and the money just won't be there for too long.

I was lucky that Mom had some money saved that could get us through for awhile for her care, but we just don't know how long she has so I have to prepare financial things now.

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and that we are all here for one another. Let us know when you can how everything went with her new home.

Jackie

Judy,
Hang in there, you can do it.
I think you will be completly satisfied with Bortz if it is anything like the one up here. That is where I took Bill for His monthly respite care while we were here last summer. He went four times and I never had a complaint. They were more than willing to do whatever I suggested. The staff here had been around for years and they were required to have six weeks training in the care of AD patients. I believe all the Bortz are owned by the same people. If so you should be happy with it.

I didn't realize that they had one down there or I would have looked for it last winter. Where is yours located?

Take care of Judy for awhile now.

Wow, Joyce, I remember you posting about the facility and I didn't know it was a Bortz! Yes, all owned by the same family. Ours is in Orchard Lake. I think they must treat their staff really well, because they have a really low turnover rate as far as staff goes. Here's the web site, only mom's facility pictures are up, the other locations haven't been done yet (they just recently started a web site). There are actually 2 by me, this one and the Lake Orion location. The Green Lake facility is halfway between my house and my brother's house.

http://www.bortz.org/greenlake/index.html

Judy,

How are you?
How did the transfer go?
I went to the website and the facility looks really nice. I hope she can find some peace nd comfort there.
Now, take care of Judy so you can visit her often.
You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

I think you will really like this place Judy. If it's anything like the one Bill was in, it's great. The staff where he was, had all been there for over 10 years.
I'll have to go to their web site and check it out.

I hope everything went well for you.

Hi all! I've been trying to get an update on here, but seems everytime I try I can only get a few lines on and then it stops on me. So I'm trying again.

Mom is actually doing pretty well. The memory of course has gotten so much worse. She was so combative and aggitated all the time, and the haldol and depakote made her awful. The hospice doctor put her on Risperdal and she is doing better with those issues. Not perfect, but better.

She's still not sleeping well, even on the Ambien they have her on. Seems like it may be like that from now on. She has started eating and drinking again, and we even have been bringing her down in the family room with no episodes of passing out. Of course I spoke too soon as today she did and even stopped breathing a bit, but then came back ok. I called the paramedics just to assist me in case this was it, but by the time they came, she was fine. All her vitals were good, and her oxygen level was good too. Go figure.

She still can't walk, and of course the repeating and the understanding and the confusion get worse day by day, but generally she seems to be doing well. She's on Depends full time now, as she can't get up even as far as a commode without getting dizzy or very exhausted. And the bedpan is out of the question as she won't cooperate, and my back can't take it.

When she cooperates with changing, its not bad, but boy when she doesn't want to turn from side to side, she just won't. We have to literally push her then to get her wiped and changed.

She basically most of the time blames me for anything and everything no matter who does what to her. Someone can be sitting right beside her talking to her or keeping her company, and she calls me for everything. So very sick of hearing my name.

During the night she calls me constantly no matter whose there in the room with her. She's never alone, but insists on me at all times. I've finally had to learn that I have to ignore the calling and get on or finish what I'm doing and go in the room or go to her chair in the family room when I want to and not when she wants to.

Right now she's in her room with one of my helpers eating an ice cream bar. And when one of them are here, she talks and laughs with them and talks to them about years ago. She almost seems to make sense at times, and of course then thats very short lived.

Me, I'm exhausted more mentally I think then physically. Although I have help, it seems that it never ends. I make meals for her constantly that I end up throwing out. She says she's hungry, and then when I bring it to her, she says she's not. That goes on for at least 4 times each meal. The food I've thrown away is a sin!

I have to watch every word I say to her that sounds cross as she has gotten very sensitive to that. She cries every time I raise my voice. Most times I have to though as she can't hear well, but she thinks I'm yelling at her cause I'm mad.

I've been very fortunate to have some wonderful ladies to help me out. I had to quit the agency I had as it was just getting too expensive, so I hired them privately and pay half the amount. I don't know how long Mom will be around and the funds just won't be there. Even now I only have a little more time left before I'll have to cut them down or out completely. Mom had some money saved, but if she stays around for awhile, it will be gone.

I want to tell all of you that have done this by yourselves without help how much I admire you. I really don't think I could do it alone as many of you have in the stage that Mom is in now. Hospice is wonderful, but as you know, is limited. You have my complete admiration and respect for a job that is so very heartbreaking and backbreaking especially to do it alone.

My family has also pitched in more than I realized they would. My sister was always there, but my brother and sister in law were not always. They have been here constantly helping me out. They came through more than I thought they ever would.

Thank you all for always being here for me. I'm sorry I haven't been around much, but it seems when I do have a few minutes all I want to do is sit down or try to get a short nap in to refresh myself, or just get to bed. Most nights now I'm in bed by 10pm, and up before 6am. Never really sleep well the whole night as I constantly hear Mom calling my name so I'm awake I think more than asleep.

Love you guys, and again my admiration for all of you gets stronger by the day. You are some strong women (and men). God bless you all.

Jackie

Jackie,
Thanks for the update.
One thing I thought of while reading about your mom not eating and you throwing out so much food was that when Bill started having trouble eating, I started pureeing his food. Maybe it was because he didn't have to put so much effort in chewing, but he seemed to eat better. I really think he would forget that he had to chew to eat or maybe it just tired him out to chew.
I pureed each food seperately and put it on his plate like I always did. I'm not sure if your mother is still feeding herself but I found it helped if I used a plate that had raised sides so when Bill tried to use his spoon, I did switch him to eating with a spoon and not a fork, he didn't just push the food off the plate.
A chicken leg didn't look as good pureed, but it tasted just the same and he didn't remember what a chicken leg was supposed to look like so it didn't matter to him. I always tasted whatever I gave him and when you forget what it looks like, It didn't taste bad.
Some items I just mashed up with a fork, like beans, peas or other soft foods. Spaghetti was always cut up, not pureed,
He would eat cake, cookies or soft finger foods with no problem.
I know you like to cook but I found that he loved those frozen salsbury steaks. They were soft enough that I just mashed them up and never tired of them. I now have 14 of them in my freezer and won't eat them because they were for Bill. You figure out my reasoning for that because I can't.
I hope some of these suggestions help even a little. Every little thing that helps makes it a little bit easier.