What was your loved one like? What where their interests? Favorite places to go, things to eat, the best part of them that we will always remember about them, before AD?

I ask this because Joyce mentioned Bill was a wonderful dancer. Perhaps this has been brought up before and I didn't see it but I didn't know he liked to dance. I "know" Bill as he is now. I thought it would be neat and interesting to read about our loved ones and get to know them before this disease entered theirs and your life.

My mom, Jeanne, was a wonderful dancer and a fantastic cook. She could take a box cake mix and turn it into a work of art. People at the club still talk about the way Mom and Dad floated effortlessly across that old wooden dance floor and how they were the life of the party. She was a smart dresser and we never doubted as to whether she loved us. She was always doing for others and never asked for anything in return. She never missed any of our school activities and we could always count on her to be in the first row or bring treats for class. She enjoyed her work as an election judge for many years and was very active in her bridge club. I remember watching her as she would prepare the table buffet style for bridge nights. The little snacks she would make, the smell of coffee in the air. She would even take me up to the drug store and let me pick out the tallies they would use. Mom always made everything fun and special for all of us and I never really appreciated how much work and dedication it took to pull of some of those things.

The sun rose and set with Dad. She loved him dearly and he her. They were soul mates and I guess that is why they died so close together. One soul could not live without the other. They had tons of friends who all loved them dearly and who still speak of them fondly to this day. Mom was my buddy, a fellow shop-a-holic and a confidant. We lunched together, shopped, cried, laughed till we almost wet our pants and shared some wonderful moments together. The first time I saw her hold my daughter, her grandchild, in her arms, I wept. We had our arguments, which always prompted one of us to call the other right back and apologize (usually me). She was stubborn, sensitive, funny as hell, creative when it came to fixing up a house, and could make a 5 star meal out of hamburger. She suffered 6 miscarriages and refused to quit dreaming of having a family. My brother was adopted when they were 30 and I came along when they turned 40. When my paternal grandparents could no longer live alone, she never questioned taking care of them. 20+ years later, my other grandma, her mother, came to live with us and a few years after she died, they took care of Dad's brother and his wife, again without question.

They loved to travel and most memorably, to Panama City Beach in recent years. They would leave right after Christmas and start back home on February 28th, the day before Spring Break. I was fortunate to share a few vacations with them to PCB and I will never forget those memories of watching the sun set with them from their condo balcony. Mom loved the seafood at PCB, her favorite being shecrab soup. She also loved the scallops and shrimp.

There was so much more to Mom than what I could possibly type here. I have already said more than I was planning on. She loved people and had a knack of making everyone she met feel special. I know she would have adored all of you, both her and Dad. For being 4'11, that sweet lady was larger than life. I love you Mom

Bill before AD.

Bill was the best. The best son, husband, father, and Papa around. Just my opinion , but don't argue with me.
Bill and I were maried when I was 19 1/2 and he had turned 33 the week before.
He taught elementary school grades 4-6 for 35 years. many summers he had to work at odd jobs to make sure we didn't have to do without.
He was an athlete by nature. Love to down hill ski, cross country ski, ice skate, swim, football, baseball, golf, canoeing, bowling, horse shoes. You name it he did it and he usually did it pretty good. He was also a very good artist and poet. He could sit down and write a poem in the time it took me to come up with a word that rhymed. He really got into his oil painting after he retired and I think everyone we know has at least one of his paintings. As for us, we must have a hundred of them stored in the basement. Out oldest daughter made up a book containing all his poems and a picture of almost all his paintings.
He was born in the UP of Michigan and lived in Mich. his entire life. He learned to swim in Lake Superior. I think that would make him a member of the polar bear club. He and a friend once took a kayak across Lake Huron. Crazy but young and a case of beer. It's a wonder I wasn't a widow before I was a wife.
His highest bowling game was 298. He threw over 60% ringers in horse shoes. He and his brother use to pick up girls on the ski slopes by telling them they were on the ski patrol. This was before we met.
Bill went to college in Windsor, Ontario before going into the army and the Korean War.
As a husband he was always very helpful and caring. We had three daughters and one son. Our son died of leukemia at the age of 7.
I started working when the girls all got into school . Bill always made it home before me and would have dinner on the table when I got home. On days I didn't get home until late, he would feed the girls, clean up the kitchen and have a plate ready for me when I got home.
When the girls left home and Bill had retired I continued working for a few more years. Bill would always drive me to work, come into the office and get the coffee going. Then he and I would sit at my desk and drink a cup of coffee before I had to start work.
He would stop by during lunch to bring me something to eat. Many times he would cook up something and bring enough for the whole office.

Bill was actually a quiet and shy person but with me he said he always felt so comfortable and at ease. That made us even because with him I always felt safe and protected.

OK Snick, Lets see if anyone here can tell us about their LO without writing forever.

I wish I knew how to add a picture here so you could see the person I love. After reading I'm sure you can see why I love him.

OK, let's see if I can make this short.

Helen was very outgoing and always the life of the party. She also loved to dance, especially loved to jitterbug. She was very outspoken. If she thought you were messing up your life, she told you about it whether you asked her or not.

Helen presented a very rough persona to most people but I knew her better than that. There was a part of her that was a wounded child and needed to be loved. She was the most generous person I have ever known and would give you the shirt off her back.

We were very different from each other and yet we seemed to fit so well together. We really kind of took care of each other. She made me strong and I kept her calm. She was one of a kind.

Guess I didn't do to well at keeping it short.

Bill and Joyce married July 7, 1962. Bill's brother (2nd from left along with family friend)

Look at You & Bill, Joyce! Better days, for sure. I LOVE reading these, but I am afraid I can't even go there yet. It seems like it was some else's life, before AD hit, and I find it too depressing, to look back right now. Maybe because I am still in the thick of it, and have done my best to adjust to this new 'norm'. It aint easy!

Who my dad was before he got AD...hmm, seems I haven't thought about that for awhile.

My dad is a retired Goodyear tire dealer. We lived in a small town by the name of Ashland in PA, and he was the only tire dealer in the town. This of course was the time beofre 'All-Season' tires, so he was really busy in November and April when everyone was changing over from Summer to Winter and back again. He actually stored everyones tires in our garage...it was floor to ceiling with tires with all his customers names on them..and this was done free of charge of course! My dad was incredibly organized, in both his work and personal life. Was meticulously groomed, and dressed in very nice, not designer by any means, clothes. He never grossed more than $10,000/year yet we always took 2 vacations a year and I never wanted for anything. I am getting ready to sell his last car..a 1988 Mercury Grande Marquis and I am getting a great price for a 20 year old car with only 56,000 original miles on it because "everyone knows how Jack Fanelli took care of his cars".

As you all know I am an only child and I am/was daddy's little girl. He took me fishing, taught me my love of the water and boating. In fact if he is still good next Summer my dream is to take him out on the boat and let him go fishing with me. He taught me so much about cars, houses, saving money, and how to be generous. He loved Penn State football, he was a great partier...could tail-gate with all the college kids at State College. I remember being there and some visiting students from Penn State's opponent were near our motorhome. The security confiscated their charcoal grill because no open flames were allowed so my dad let them use his gas grill to cook their burgers and dogs.

He was constantly 'puttering' and I swear there wasn't anything he couldn't fix. He was and most of the times still is the most friendly out going man I have ever met. Even now at the ALF he still hlds the door for all the women...employees included. He always says hi to everyone and smiles most all of the time. There are times when I know he knows me...and calls me 'honey' like he always did, other times he is happy to see me, but is not really sure of who I am. I know when that recognition goes I will be devastated, but I am trying to be as prepared as I can. My father always taught me to make sure I take care of everything, and that is the effort I am putting into taking care of him, even if I am not there 24/7. I promised my mom as she passed away that I will always take care of him and he will never be alone and that is one promise that I will always keep.

Anita

My mom (Joan) was possibly the most caring person I know. She cared about people, animals, the environment...she treated her friends so well, if they were ever in need of anything she would be right there to help.

She loved her only grandson so much. She would call and ask him how his day was, would pick up little things at the store for him for the next time she would see him. She loved to hug and kiss him.

She loved Las Vegas. She and I would go twice a year, have a wonderful time eating, gambling and having fun in general. She loved to read.

Most of all, she loved me when I really didn't deserve to be loved. No matter what, she loved me.

You know, I started writing about Mom before AD, and I just couldn't finish it. It really hurt too much to describe how she was before this disease took her true personality. I'm with Sky, just hurts right now. But I love reading about your loved ones, so keep them coming. One day I'll get it down on paper.

Jackie

My Mother was my rock, my spiritual guide, my friend. I saw her as a study in the dichotomy of human nature. She was brave and gentle, daring and shy, loved living but was not afraid of death. She taught me about unconditional love, patience, compassion, kindness and understanding. She was deeply spiritual and held her own many times in a room filled with ordained ministers. This shy, introverted person would take on these strong, extroverted "men of the cloth." I was so proud of her for being so true to her convictions. Little did either of us know at those times she was providing me with my first valuable feminist lessons. She loved her family and, oh, how she loved her Mother. She encouraged me to write, to see the beauty in all God's creation, to accept my beliefs even if I stood alone with them. Two of my strongest memories I cherish the most are those of her holding me tight within her heart and allowing me freedom of spiritual choice.

I miss her and sometimes the sound of her absence is a deafening silence. And then, I hear the chimes and I am momentarily comforted. From my beginning, Mother lovingly offered me guidance. To this day, that guidance remains.

I know, Jackie. I cried the entire time I wrote mine and there was much more I wanted to say and couldn't.

I apologize if this subject stirred some upsetting memories. Please know that was not my intention when I posted this. I would never want to hurt any of you in such a way. I am very sorry:(

Snick,

No appolgies needed.

I do think that sometimes we get very caught up in what AD is doing to our LO...how can we not? I am sure its so very hard for those of you like Joyce who are 24/7...and I know I could not do what you all do, you all have my utmost respect and admiration.

Personally I find it comforting, albeit so very sad to think about my dad before AD. I do long for his phone calls, and his "Hi Honey", and just talking with him. I have videos from past Holidays that I will go back and listen to, ball like a baby, but just to hear his voice...strong like it was. Not to mention my mom's voice...yesterday was 6 months since she past away. But I want to remember them like they were and not let AD change them in my memories.

Anita

Snick,
I don't think you need to apologize for anything.
I too cried when I started thinking about Bill as he was before. We have lived with this for so long that I tend to forget what life was like before AD. My tears were not only tears of sadness but also tears of happiness remembering him as he was.

It's not only hard for me to think of Bill as he was but to remember him as he was. I know I loved him and he loved me. He was always there for me and always took care of me. But it is hard to think of the Bill I've know for over ten years now as that same man. It's impossible for me to visualize the Bill I am spoon feeding, changing diapers and dressing as the same man I always depended on.

I just pray that when this is over that I will remember him as he was and not like he is now.

Snick, please don't apologize. I wasn't upset - I guess I was crying because I realize now I had such a special relationship with my mother and I probably didn't appreciate it enough when it was there. At least I know now, so I have to thank you for bringing up the topic.

snick:

don't feel bad--I have been pondering this myself..I personally am waiting for more of the before memories happen...I'm still in the dementa related memories and I really want to move beyond them. Mom was so much more than dementia....I don't want that to define who or what she was....I am trying so hard to bring forth memories of her that I truly loved & still treasure. I'm searching and feeling a bit of them more--but still have to many more of the nigtmarish ones of the hospitalized/nursing home/drug induced mom that that stick front and center...along with that still harbor a tad of the resentments---The feelings are getting dimmer but---it is a process!

I have so enjoyed reading the before parts. We all share love of someone affected by this truly horrid disease. I htink it does us all good to reflect on why we do what we do and how much more our loved ones are than the disease. I'll post more later but do love this idea of a thread!!! I think it helps remember the good vs. bad (the disease)---

xxoo
karen