This is the hardest thing I've been through since the loss of our son.

Bill passed away last night at 8:40 p.m. I had no warning that it was going to happen. We have had two good weeks since he come home from respite.

Last Thursday started out as a real good day. Bill talked to our oldest daughter when she made her morning call. Not a detailed conversation but he replied to her questions. She commented on how good it was to get a response. The nurse made her visit and the three of us sat at the table and had a cup of tea. That evening I put him to bed at his regular bedtime but he didn't want to go to sleep and was restless. He shredded two diapers as soon as I put them on. I finally gave him an ativan and he went to sleep at 10. He didn't get up again. He slept until Saturday morning when he woke up and gave me his usual smile and a hug. I changed him and he went back to sleep. During the day he woke long enough for me to change him before going back to sleep. At dinner time he said he was hungry and I fed him his dinner in bed. I even thought about getting him up but decided against it because he seemed so tired. He went back to sleep but it was a restless sleep. At 8:30 his SIL called and while talking to her, I heard Bill gasping and struggling to breath. I hung up on her and ran to Bill. I raised him up in bed and was holding him when he gasped and then just stopped.

I didn't expect it to be like this. I thought I would have some warning that it was coming.

Two of the girls are here now. The oldest should be here any time now depending on how the roads are. I am supposed to be asleep like everyone else, but I got up after they all went to sleep. I just wanted to let all my friends here know that Bill's struggle had ended. He is now resting peacefully with Our Father in Heaven. As soon as he says hi to all our LOs who got there first, I know he will be watching over me.

Bill would have been 80 this coming June and we would be celebrating our 47th anniversary July 7. We had one son and three daughters. Lost our son at the age of 7. Our daughters are grown and married and we have three great SILs and five beautiful grandchildren. I was 18 when I first met Bill and we married a year later when I was 19. My entire life has been with Bill and I will be lost without him.

Bill is with God and God is with me. I strongly believe that I will see both of them when God takes me home. In the meantime, I will continue doing what I can to help others.

I'm not sure when I will be back here, but I will be back because all of you have helped me more than anyone. Bill's journey has ended but there is more for me to do. I hope when I come back that I can help others the way you have helped me.

God Bless all of you.

Oh, my sweet friend. I could not even think of sleeping tonight, so restless, but I didn't know why? It is 3:20am here, but I decided to jump on my computer, and thought I was checking on Maebee. I am just as 'shocked' somehow as you are. Even if someone, our Loved One, is on Hospice, and in the process of dying, it is still, such a shock??? I am so glad you have your beautiful, and faithful family, and your own faith, which has never faltered, Joyce. I also wish that someone could & would come back from the other side, and tell us what God's plan was, to send us down here, to earth, to go through all of this, almost unbearable pain, just to go back to him, eventually? I will never understand, until it is my turn to go, I guess.

This board, and the people you have met, or haven't met, but love you just the same, is not here for you just during the hard times with this Disease. We are here for the long-haul, and what is yet to come. We are here for you Joyce, and Love, and Respect You, more than you will ever know.

Give your girls a big hug for me, and tell them, I am so glad they are such good kids, and are there to comfort their Mom.

{{{BIG HUGS}}}} I love you Joyce. I cry with you, although I can't imagine losing my Soul-Mate. I know Bill was, & is your's, forever.

Oh, Joyce, I'm so sorry. May your goodbye to your Dear Bill be comforted by the love that surrounds you here.

Your quote "I wish you enough" has carried me many times. I pray this for you, Joyce, ten-fold.

Joyce,

My deepest sympathy to you and your family. You and Bill were so blessed to have shared a lifetime. May those many memories bring you some comfort in the days ahead.

And, my friend, as some struggles end and others start, you know God will continue to walk with you through each one.

My thoughts, prayers and love are with you and your family,

Joyce

Hi Joyce, I have been reading this forum for a long time and today I joined because I wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
northernlights

Joyce,
I've been silently keeping up how things were going with Bill. I was so happy to hear of the wonderful weeks you had with him after respite. I believe that was his final unconditional gift of love to you the best way he could show you! I will keep you and your family in my prayers and know that we are here for you--some more vocal than others.
You were Bills rock, now let someone be yours.

I wish YOU enough-Cherie

oh Joyce...words are just not enough. My heart is broken for you. Please know you have all of our love and prayers with you now. Thank you for sharing Bill with us and letting us get to know him through your eyes. To say he will be missed is an understatement.

Bless you Joyce, for everything you did for Bill, right up to the end. I'm just so sorry, I can barely put my thoughts together. Love to you....

Oh my dear friend, I am so sorry. Somehow, even knowing that it is time and that he is better off, just doesn't ease the pain. My heart just breaks for you. It's been a long road and you have walked it with grace and dignity.

God be with you in the days and months ahead as you carve out a different life for yourself. Just stick with us sweetie. We are all forever bound together.

Dear, Dear Joyce,
I cannot find the words....I saw your post to me, then came srtaight here. I am so terribly sorry for your and your Family's loss. The past two weeks have surely been a gift from God. I love to here you "talk" of your romance with Bill! I am so glad your Girls are with you, and I hope you did get some sleep.

Take whatever time you need, my Friend.
Joyce, if I can, I will try to get out there.

Dear Joyce,
I am so very sorry to hear about Bill. I usually don't come on here on Sunday's until very late, and Snicks called me to let me know.

I am so very happy that you got to be with Bill in his final moments. What you both shared together was there till the very end. Please know that we are with you in spirit and are praying that the next few days will give you peace and comfort knowing that your dear husband is at a place that is not filled with pain and suffering.

God bless you and your family. Thank you for always sharing Bill with us. It was a pleasure to always hear about your deep love and affection for him and for your wonderful family.

Jackie

Oh Joyce,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences to you and all your family. As everyone has said, your love for him was clear in every one of your posts.

You will be in my prayers.

Oh Joyce,

I just got on this and saw your post. I am sitting here at work, at my desk, with tears in my eyes and not having the slightest idea of what to say.

Please accept my deepest sympathies, know my thoughts and prayers are with you. Please know how much you have helped me and all here, as we read your challenges, your successes, and your incredible insight and how much your love for Bill shined through. He is with God, but he is looking down on you with all the love in his heart. His mind is now clear and his pain is gone, but what will never change, never diminish is his love.

Anita

Joyce,

Although I've never met you I feel that I know both you and Bill through your posts. I type with tears in my eyes. Your love and devotion are so clear from your posts. I've learned so much from you as I go through this with my FIL and MIL.

My deepest condolences. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you and your family!

Kat

Joyce,
I, too, have known you and Bill through your loving posts. I have both you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Sandy O