Ok, remembering that mom gets her feelings hurt just by looking at her wrong, how do I approach telling her that she really needs to start wearing Depends or something like that. We have had a couple of "accidents" from both the bladder and the rectum in the last month. Whenever I try to talk to her about this she just says I don't need it so don't push me. We have an appointment with the doc on Wed. and am thinking that maybe she needs to tell her to start wearing something. Also, is this something the respite person could talk to her about. i am at a lose, really don't want to start a shouting match.

Any suggestions will be appreciated.


Thank you.

Hey Linda!

I read somewhere that someone tells their mom they bought them new 'underwear'. They just replaced their moms underwear with Depends in their undie drawer. It fooled their mom and it worked.

Kat

Hi Linda,

Replacing mom's undies in her dresser with depends worked for me. Get the briefs -- they fit just like panties so you might be able to fool her.

OR - - -

How does she react when she has an accident? Is she aware? Is she embarrassed?
If so, using depends is a way for her to feel "safer" and she won't need to worry about trying to find a bathroom in a "strange" place.

OR - - -

You might try sending an e-mail to the DR about the problem and have the DR be the bad guy. Then you can tell mom that you know she doesn't really need them yet but the DR insists.....

Good luck

What about our Daddies?
I can tell the whole incontinence issue is
right around the corner for mine, but just
the structure of the underwear--without
going into all the unnecessary detail--would
make it harder to slip in a new set and take
out the old... He's already fighting me on
the shower and laundry issue. I can't imagine
how I'm gonna handle an even more intimate
battle subject.
Carol

Carol,

My FIL just recently went to depends at night. He's not totally incontinent, but doesn't always make it to the bathroom in time at night and has an accident on the way (my carpets can't take much more cleaning). We just put them on at night and put his regular briefs over the top. We haven't had any problem.

Somebody always assists him in the bathroom and we get him to sit down so there is less mess.

Yes, mom still knows when she has an accident and is embarrassed by it but still insists she doesn't need any help like pads or depends. I think I will let the Dr. handle this issue. She listens to her even if she doesn't like what she wants done. Thank you for all your help.

Linda,
When Bill first started wearing the pull ups, I picked a time when he had an accident and told him he only needed to wear these "special underwear" until the diarrhea stopped. He didn't argue with that and then I just forgot to switch him back to regular underwear. At the time I did this, I was already laying his clothes out for him to wear and I put the pair of pull ups out instead of his regular underwear. I don't think he even noticed.
Maybe if you approach it as just something she could use only when you are going out . Maybe then she will accept it. Good Luck.

Linda,
Have been having the same problem with my Mom. Although I have gotten her to wear serenity pads which work really well. She had a few accidents, and was also really embarrassed. So I just bought the pads, waited until she had another accident, and when I got clean underwear and a change of clothes, put the pad right in the pants while it was still fresh in her mind. Did she have a fit? You bet! I just pulled up her pants and told her that in order to avoid embarrasment and give me a break with laundry, she really had to do this for me. So far so good. Now as far as the depends, tried once or twice with no luck. But she made a comment last night when I put her to bed how she doesn't like to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Going to wait for that again, and try the depends again, or wait until the accidents happen at night which so far have only happen once weeks ago with poo.

I don't really know if there's any sure fire way to convince them of much until their ready, but sometimes we have to just force things on them against their will. And hopefully they get used to that as if it was always there. Mom's been on the pads about a month or so now, and so far so good. But the first week was not real receptive to them. I just kept on insisting that she wear them, and she finally I guess got the hint or just thinks its what she has always done. Now I only have to convince her that she cannot wear one that is wet, when she insists it isn't. So I just rip it off when she's on the toilet, and put a clean one on quickly as she's yelling at me. She gets over it eventually.

Let me know about the depends if you find out a simple solution, as that will surely be the harder one to convince her of.

Jackie

Sherri--
Thanks for your reply--I missed it earlier.
Glad you've been able to shift your FIL to Depends
at night. My Dad's problem seems to be more of a
daytime issue. He has to visit the bathroom at least
once an hour, maybe more. He lives in an ALF, but
I do his laundry. Haven't seen evidence of accidents
yet, but I wasn't sure how to introduce the subject
once I do. In fact, I'm surprised there haven't been
any accidents yet.
Carol

I really appreciate all of you responding to my question. At the moment God has taken care of this problem. We had a main-line water break to the house so have not had water since Thursday. As a result Mom has had to stay with my other sister in Canada. Not having a bathroom for a few hours was enough to get her to wear the Serenity pads. This will be a big help when she comes back. We can just continue to use them. Will see how things go when she comes back home. I think this will be happening late tomorrow. Will keep you posted on how things develop. Again, Thank you all.

My mom's fear of having an accident when we were out got her into Depends quickly, she felt much safer with them on. From there, it was easy to get her to wear them overnight and pretty soon she decided that they were more comfortable than regular underwear.

Wow Linda, who would of known that a main line water break could be a blessing?? Pretty neat, huh?

I'm sure you enjoyed the short breather, well, life without water can be very problematic.

Take care,

~Kelly~