Ugh, this has been an awful month.

MIL's brother has been diagnosed with colon cancer, they suspect he's had it for a couple of years now. He and his wife are just the most wonderful down to Earth people ever, they've been nothing but good to me and Hubby. I'm sad .

I don't know how to handle MIL with this. I told Hubby be prepared the stress will make her grouchy and her memory will be worse for a bit. Anyone ever had experience with this sort of thing? Anyting new to expect?

Thanks!

Kat

Kat,

My brother was diagnosed and died of bone cancer
four months befour Bill died. I never did tell him about it. I figured at the point Bill was he didn't know who my brother even was. I don't think it would have meant anything to him if I had told him.

I'm really sorry to hear about your uncle and will be praying for him and his wife.

Kat,

In November of 2008, my Mom's sister had C-Diff. It wasn't caught in time and she passed away. When we found out she wasn't doing well, I told my Mom that her sister was in serious condition and was very sick. Mom asked what she had and of course I didn't use any medical terms, just that she had an infection that the doctors were trying to control with medication.

One day she would remember and asked if I had talked to anyone about her condition, and most days she forgot to ask. On the days she remembered she cried a bit, I comforted her, and within a very short time forgot again.

Moms brother also died about a month ago. Same thing. I told her that her brother was very ill, and that it was very serious, not mentioning that he could die. Again, she would ask one day and then the next few not a word. In fact today my brother was here visiting and he happen to mention this particular Uncle, and Mom said we should go to see him. My brother then reminded her that he had passed away. She said that it was awful that she didn't go to the services and we reminded her that she did.

She mentioned that gosh, her memory was getting bad, and we just told her that our memories also get bad when we want to forget something unplesant. She accepted that and hasn't said another thing about it.

We can all agree that yes they do forget, but not the things that we may want them to. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you might want to prepare her. Gently tell her that he has a serious illness. Don't mention cancer unless she asks what it is. Then of course tell her that he will be getting treatment that hopefully will help. If he should pass away, and you haven't told her that something serious is going on, she just may remember that you DIDN'T tell her he was ill. Thats what I mean by them not forgetting the things we want them to.

Like children that we tell just what they can grasp, I think that our loved ones also have to be handled the same way. And of course that also depends at what stage their in. Mom's still at the stage where she understands alot. Forgets yes, but at the time understands to be able to remind you that you did wrong.

The only change I found in Mom after her brother and sisters death was that she remembered both for about a week or two, and would start to cry. AFter that, as I said about today, she has forgotten unless mentioned or reminded.

Jackie

A friend of my mom's died a few months before my mom passed away. She was a very dear family friend and they were so close. We knew it would break Mom's heart if she knew so we never told her. Mom asked about her a few times and we told her she was away on vacation. This pacified Mom. We learned to just keep things from Mom that were stressful to her as she had enough to bear of her own with AD. It was important to us to keep things running as smoothly as possible without additional unnecessary upset.

Thanks very much for the replies, I appreciate them!

Honestly with MIL you can't even tell she's heard bad news. The next day she was crabby as ever and she's been OCD about gardening so same old same old here.

I am glad she's taking it so well. I guess there is a sad but useful silver lining to stage 3 :/.

Kat