Hey-
After last weekends crazy ambulance run and er visit, I called a different hospice to come in. We spent about an hour with the admitting RN, mom is never at her best in the morning. The RN qualified her then and there so.....Mom is now on hospice. Part of me feels very relieved, another part of me is terribly sad for what this has come to. I'm not sure if it is a curse (that she was ill enough to qualify now) or a blessing (that hopefully they can ease her anxiety and breathlessness). She qualified for her COPD, not AD, however I have noticed a considerable cognitive decline since last weekend. Sometimes she doesn't know where she is, she asks to go home, is she in the hospital...all things she had never done before. Because up until now she has been pretty aware of things, we have told her that hospice is a visiting nurses program that her doctor thought would be good for her. She lives in an AL and has an 8 hour aide, she is now refusing to go to the dining room, get up out of bed etc. She keeps asking me when she is going to feel stronger. I just keep telling her she'll get stronger each day as long as she keeps eating. It kills me that deep down inside, I know that she is not likely to get much stronger than she is now. Last weekend in the ambulance, in the er and at home that night, I prayed for God to take her peacefully. I feel so guilty for that. Now, I don't know what to pray for. Well, thanks for listening.
Sandy O

Oh Sandy, please don't feel guilty praying for God to take your Mom peacefully. We have all done that at one time or another and I still do. When my moms sister died last month, I told my cousin that it should have been my mom instead, as my aunt was so vibrant and in good health, and mine really had no quality of life at all.

I felt guilty also, but after thinking of it, it is not an unreasonable request. We want to keep them forever, but at what cost. So we're not left grieving I suppose.

Hospice I think would be a relief to ease the pain and anxiety she is in. I'm not yet there, but hopefully I will feel that way when it comes to that. All we can ask for is for them just to take their last breath with as much dignity and as little pain as possible. I think we all want that for our loved ones.

So you keep on praying that God takes your Mom quickly and with as little discomfort as possible. I think everyone on here that have lost their loved ones will probably agree that they have all done the same.

Keep us posted Sandy,
Jackie

Sandy O,
Hospice was definately a BLESSING for my mom. They were able to take her off all meds, and provide additional help at the AL for her. When she needed to be transferred to the SNF, the Hospice person arranged the whole thing for me. At the SNF, there was another Hospice care company, they were wonderful. They & the head nurse were so comforting toward me about my guilt.

The called me every day to update me on her sleep, eating, etc. And they told me when to come in, if she was 'awake' enough for visitors. She was only on hospice for a total of 3 months, and I admit she declined so much faster than I expected, but they all assured me that was 'normal', especially after she fell (TIA).

They asked me my preferences...I said no pain & no fear...so they gave her some comfort meds. When she stopped eating and thus, very weak and being unable to get up and be dressed (about 3 days before she died) the nurse told me that she just didn't see the purpose of making her go through all that uncomfortableness with all the CNAs. They kept her very clean (hospice helped alot with that!) and up to the day before when I saw her last she was clean, NO smells and she was sleeping peacefully. There was a hospice person by her bedside 24/7.

When they called me in the morning, they said she had died in her sleep, she just stopped breathing.

All the guilt I had was because I had to seperate her & my step father. When she passed I felt relief for her that she wouldn't be in pain or fear ever again! That last month in the SNF, she just looked 'afraid' all the time. I hated seeing her be that way, and not being able to explain where she was and what was going on...

I got alot of support from people at the ALZ forum and my one sister, that I did more for her than many would have done.

I'll put you in my thoughts that hospice is indeed a blessing for you & your mom too!

Take go*d care, Shaye

Trust me, it's a blessing.
I remember when I first called in hospice. I was terrified that they wouldn't accept Helen and then I was devasted when they did.

Don't feel guilty for asking for a peaceful passing for your mom either. I think most of us have done this. I was on my knees crying and begging God to end Helen's pain. This is a loving request, not a selfish one.