Hi Eileen,

I've been following your story and wishing I could say something to help. I didn't deal with a male and that makes a big difference................

I used a lot of blue pads with mom. They come in different sizes and I liked that I could throw them away when they got soiled. I bought them at CVS or Rite Aid or Meijers -- they are available just about anywhere (found with adult hygiene products.) Mom also managed to get BM everywhere, even when wearing depends 24/7.

You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

I didn't care for the blue pads; they just didn't seem to offer enough protection. I used them when Bill had a BM. I would put one under him and used it for the extra protection and also to help wipe the excess poop off before washing his bottom.. They worked better than trying to use toilet paper to wipe him off.

How did your day go Eileen?

I'm here, too, Eileen. I'm making a bigger effort to check in at least every other day.

Eileen,
So sorry I haven't been on lately. It takes me so long to get from here to there on here. All my other programs are ok, but it seems caregiver is really slow. It just took me ten minutes to finally get this far. Maybe Aitan can give me some clues as why. Plus, I guess I really don't know if I have alot to offer anymore, but I am going to try.

First of all the urinating thing. With a women, I think its alot easier, although when mom still went to the bathroom herself, she would start peeing as she would pull down her pants. And the same thing, pee all over. Sometimes what I would do is remind her about every hour to go to the bathroom, as I think she held it so as not to get up too often. Of course, that went over real big. She would say, "I'm not a kid, don't tell me when I have to go to the bathroom"! Seems like you don't have that problem though as your dad keeps on going there.

For Moms bed I bought a mattress pad that was plastic lined, so at least the mattress wouldn't get soiled and smell of pee when accidents happened. Then of course after that, while on hospice, the mattress itself was plastic, so that helped. I had chucks, disposable pads, and also cloth pads under those. Made cleanup alot easier. I bought a few very large pads at wal-mart. Maybe if you could put those towards the edge of the bed where he changes his underwear, the skids would be on there and not the sheets. Much easier to take off and change than a sheet.

The meds, oh the meds! Everything made mom goofy. Haladol, aitvan, xanax, depokote. You name it, she got goofy. I think wine would be the better choice. When mom used to drink it, she was much calmer. But after awhile, she didn't have a taste for it. So I drank it instead!!

Eileen, I don't remember if it was ever discussed before, so forgive me if it has. Have you ever thought of trying to put your dad on hospice at home? I didn't think mom was elegible back in July, but she was. You don't have to have just 6 months to live. When Mom was in the hospital back then, the social worker set it up for us and we got it within an hour. They really go by what the patients health issues are rather than how long they have to live. The hospice nurses have really great advice on many things, plus you also get someone to bath your day 2-3 times a week. I know, I know, he'll refuse, cause my mom did of course. But I left the cna with mom in her room by herself, or in your dads case if he can still shower, in the bathroom, she knew what to do. And I'm sure you can request a man cna if their available.

NOt only that, but the supplies they provide for you are wonderful. Many things that you wouldn't think they would. A bed, special mattresses, transport chairs, commode, depends, wipes, special cushions to sit on, you name it, they provide it. IF you haven't already, look into this if you can. I don't think there will be a problem.

Well my friend, I don't know if I helped at all, but I do know what your going through. Every patient is different and its just a matter of trial and error many times. I know one thing though, if you can get someone to help you out, do so. My health has taken a toll because of not getting help sooner than I did. If you can get someone to come in privately even a few days a week, do so. I paid my help $10/hr. cash, but I have to tell you, with economy the way it is, I know they would probably take less. I have two of my girls that are looking for jobs, and I think they may not be too far from you. If your interested, let me know, and I'll send on their names and phone numbers via email.

And speaking of email, you have my address. If you need to talk, just drop me an email, or even give me a call. I think you have my number too. If not, let me know.

Again, I'm sorry friends for not coming on here as often as I want to or should. My life has changed abit and I think I'm spreading my wings in a different direction. But, I will try to come on more often and help if I can. Please email me if you need anything.

love to you all,
Jackie

Thank you all for your love and great suggestions.

I got the waterproof mattress pad at KMart. Using extra flat sheets on the side of his bed, for now, to catch stuff when he sits to change his undies & slacks

New problem .

Dad's testicles are as large as a grapefruit. Was there last night - not usually there that late 11:30 pm - Mom was having a much-deserved night out.
Shocked the heck out of me. I kept asking if it hurts, are you in pain? -- no. No fever. This could explain the urine all over the floor - he cant grab 'it' and aim.
When she got home I almost lost it with her. She 'says' they go up & down in size, depending on much he stays on his feet. That's not normal.
We put a call into the visiting nurse today - waiting for call back.
Weird
Possibly related to fluid retention in his legs?
What next?

Thank you all - hope this makes sense.
Peace
Eileen

I would have called the nurse also Eileen. I don't think it's normal for them to "go up and down in size".
There were times I didn't think Bill knew if he was in pain or not so asking didn't do any good.
As far as grabbing and aiming, I don't think that is the entire problem. They just can't aim, period.
I tried forever to get Bill to just sit down then you won't get it all over the place. Even sitting didn't always help because it still wasn't always aimed down.
Let us know what the nurse says.
I'll be thinking about you and will check back here to see what you find out.

Eileen,

I'm glad you called the nurse. Hopefully (s)he will have some answers for you. It probably is just a fluid build-up and other than the obvious discomfort it may not be painful. I, too, gave up asking if mom was in pain, but could usually tell because she became especially restless and fidgety. Hope that helps.

Jackie, your information is most valued! Those that have been down this road to the very end with their LO's can always share what worked for them. Don't ever think that you have nothing to offer.

Did you get in touch with the nurse Eileen? Did she come out and if so what did she say?

I just read Jackie's post about hospice, have you called them? They can't say any more than not now. But if they will come out, they will be a big help for you and your mother.

Keep us up to date on what's going on.

Joyce

Just checking in to see how things are going, Eileen.

Hay There Everyone

The nurse came the next day and even though the swelling had reduced by half, she was shocked. Over the phone, his GP wanted Dad to go to ER asap. My Mom & the nurse wanted to wait for the visiting doctor - possibly in 4 days. The reasoning is because when he fell in December they had an ambulance come & strap him into a chair of sorts. He totally freaked out. Mom & Dad live on the third floor of an apartment building - so getting him down the stairs is a problem.

My Dad is on some form of a hospice - thats why we qualify for the visiting nurse, phlabodomist (spell?- blood) & doctor. Its difficult to get full & correct information from my Mom - she says she doesn't want to 'upset us' - what she fails to understand is that it is more upsetting NOT to know.
She can be alittle rough with him -like- briskly rubbing his face clean. When I did it he said, you are so gentle. Or when he asks for the um-teenth time, When are we going to eat?", and she tells him to shut up. That's not heplful

I try not too judge - she's with him 24/7. I know, she's tired. She's not physically well herself. She has all this martial baggage - he was VERY abusive. She still refuses to place him in a home. Its slowly killing her - and us - but ... what can I do?
I admire her conviction but when does the cost to yourself become too high?

Thank you all for your support & love.
It warms my heart to know you care.
peace
Eileen

Called 311 - Dad cant move his legs. Cant get him up off the floor. he pulled his pants down so we don't have anything to grab onto.
Keep us in your thoughts
Eileen

Eileen,

I started to respond to your first post and then saw the second one. How are things going? What's going on? I assume 311 is the same as our 911. Did they take him to the hospital? Make sure to let me know how he is as soon as you know something.

I was going to say I could understand your mother not wanting to place him. I always told myself that if it got to the point where caring for Bill was hurting me I would do it. It never reached that point as far as I was concerned, so I don't know if I could have placed him or not.
I guess it's up to you to help as much as possible.

I'm praying that everything will be ok.

Joyce

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, too. Keep up the good fight, and keep us informed as to what is happening with Dad & Mom.