I don't really know how you guys & dolls do it, I feel like I am 100 years old. That is my 'new' expression "I don't look bad, for 100!" Anyway, every day brings a new drama, project, Dr's appointment, mystery to be solved, and of course everything they don't know how t do, since my last visit, four months ago. PROGRESS. late into one night Tom decided that they would put me in charge of everything technical! He thinks I am a genious, and apperantly a miracle worker too! Of course, those of you that know my plight, would know I was thinking "Does the plumbing count?" Not so much, as it turns out, but I was able to buy & set up ther cable-converter-box, and it wasn't easy! Now, that has spurred many, many questions, like "Do we need to do this before that?" it requires "TWO remotes! "OH No, help Mr. Wizard"

I had one minor breakdown (so far) Mom now has impaired hearing, if not totally deaf in one ear. She had a big wax-build-up (plugged!) She had it removed, but unfortunately. that did not solve the problem. I had made a Audio Appointment (specialist) from Montana, and Tom, bless his heart, is trying to CANCEL it! He doesn't like that it conflicts (it doesn't really) with Line-Dancing Day! So, I asked if I could make the appointment on the same day as his MRI, "NO! I want your Mother with me for moral support, deaf or not!" I added the last part. So, mostly constant battles with his O.C.D. but e still likes me, because I am an awesome ACTRESS!

So, I sent out an S.O.S E-Mail to both Sisters, Eva, and maybe even Mom's Attorney. "I can not travel 2,400 miles, work my A$$ off, and not be able to help my Mom, with the important things, this battle I can not, will not lose!"

Eva came yesterday to fill Mom's Med-Tray, so she will take Mom to that appointment! She is over quailified @ $100.00 per hour, but that is exactly how much it would have cost, to change my ticket, so it is a wash!

Mom is still very sweet, and today asked if I was going to 'stick' her (her insulin injection) and I said yes. One morning she was fully dressed, hat & coat, standing at the front door. We had been talking about going to this Thanksgiving Dinner @ 11:00am, for days, and even earlier that morning, allot because I did not want to go, I don't even like breakfast at 11:00am! But Tom made me go, because he didn't feel well and they already had tickets (cost "0" just reservations!) Anyway, I am sure that didn't help my mood, and I had only had one shower in a week (no privacy, and icky!) but anyway, Mom turns to me and says "Am "I" going to lunch now?" It struck me that she didn't say "WE" just "I" I guess because she has no idea what time it is, what day it is, or what month it is, but still uses words like "PRESUMPTUOUS!"

Well, she was a school teacher. No pic's yet, but some great old nes, and a few on my old camera, not my digital, so I'll post them when I get home.

Thanks for listening!

I just got a hateful E-Mail, from Sister #2, replying for my call for help. She sent it on Thanksgiving Day! "Happy Thanks-Frickin-Giving!" She is now blocked! This diesaese sure does tear families apart. Ours was not perfection, but this has put the final nail in the coffin. It is just Me, Eva, Mom's Nurse, and you folks now. A very lonely disease this is.

Sky,

What the heck was your sister thinking. Hateful emails, especially on Thanksgiving? What a brat!

Keep up the nicey nices with Tom. At least you'll have a nice peaceful time, and then you can always go "yuk" on your way home.

Actually it's kind of cute that he doesn't want him and your mom to miss line dancing. At least he puts a little enjoyment in your moms life. And thats a good thing.

Let us know how the hearing is going with her. She must have really gotten a bad infection huh? Have they given her an antibiotic. Might be something that can be cleared up with that.

keep us updated.

Jackie

I was just thinking, is there a YWCA or a fitness center around the area where you can take a nice shower? I know it wouldn't be very convenient but it would be something at least.

Please don't read too much into what your mom says in the we/I thing. My mom did the same thing. I never thought much of it. AD is a different thing every day. One day they do something or say something and the next day it is a whole new deal. Mom couldn't tell me what she had for breakfast but could somewhat help me coordinate colors in my guestroom. Go figure, huh?

Don't worry about your sister. AD leaves a lot of hurt feelings and broken hearts behind. And it certainly doesn't bring out the best in any of us. You are all very tired, frustrated and angry by what is going on. There is strength in numbers if everyone bands together for the common good.

Take care Sky. You are doing the best you can.

Sky,
I always told people I was older than I was, because then they would say "You don't look that old" and I'd feel good. I can't do that anymore, because I do look that old.
Bill is on a fast downward slide now and I am right behind him. This is beginning to get to me.

It may sound strange, but it gets to me more when there are other people around than when it's just the two of us. Guess with other people it gives me more to worry about. I've gone to bed before the kids every night since they've been here.

Yesterday I took all the leftovers out of the fridge and told everyone dinners on the table. Fill your own plate (paper plate) and nuke it if you're hungry.

They have all been good with Bill this weekend and have helped all they could. But I am NOT use to all the commotion and the mess. HEEEEEEEEEELP

Lord, I can't believe your sister sent that. Of course we get those emails when we have dared to infringe on a relative's leisure time while we are trying to get something done for our LO...

My mom's the same with speaking. She has no idea of date, day or time and answers most questions with "I don't know," but every once in a while she will use a word like "unruly" and use it correctly, which always amazes me because the content of most of her conversation (if you can call it that) is next to nothing.

Sky, don't take it personally what your sister said in the e-mail. Try to give her the benefit of the doubt. She's probably in reaction mode instead of action.

I suppose at times that my youngest brother and his wife wish that I could spend more time with my Mom.

With me, it's distance and having to work so much (DH is laid off again, and I am accepting as many clients as possible so we can make ends meet) that keeps me from being there as often as I would like.

With gas prices falling, though, I may be able to plan at least one day per month to go down and spend time with her at the NH... maybe even bring her lunch (clam chowder) and eat with her.

I may find some things we can do to prepare for Christmas... even if it's only to mail some cards to what few friends she still has living.

Thanks you guys. I am home, unpacking, sleeping through the night, and mulling over all of the events. It seems that I can take solice from total strangers (caveat, I didn't mean I don't get solice from you all, just that I don't consider you strangers!) but also ohers that I have met, while in Montana. They say I am a GOOD Daughter, and that aways makes me feel good. It is a small ambition, but one that is very important to me. I responded once to my Sister's E-Mail, telling her I had a hard time taking mental health advice from her, she has been hospitalized several times, is basically certifiably insane, and has had many breakdowns, but still INSISTED on being second, on Mother's "Health Care Directive" effectively, leaving me out, but wanting no responsibilty. I think it was just an ego trip for her, and I can not deal with it. So, I am now an only child, I always have felt like one anyway.

I'm going to call Mom to see if she made it to her appointment today. Her attorney was no help whatsoever either? She sent me a LONG E-Mail saying that hearing loss just comes with aging (NOT!) and that she couldn't handle surgery (I never considered it) and that hearing-aides, were a pain, and that she is a Kaiser Patient also, (Auh Oh!) Yes, I want a base-line, and yes, Jackie I want to be sure it was not, or is not an infection, which gone un-treated could render her deaf. Also, a hearing specialist may know how to keep the wax from building up, like some kind of drops. I asked Mom to let the warm water run into her ears while showering, but she kind of rolled her eyes a me, and getting her to shower, at all, is proving to be more & more difficult. Like a child, she hates it! I snuck in a shampoo, at the hair dressers, by going early, and asking them to, and I would pay for it! They both get the senior/discount dry hair-cut, for $12.00. The gal said she had to shampoo my Mom's hair twice, and said she didn't ever need conditioner, but did not have dandruff (always itching her head) What can I say, I like the opinions of experts!

I also told my Sister, before I cut her out of my life completely, Yes, I want a better quality of life for our Mother, and better health-care, that does not make me crazy. You've all seen how she is living, and it makes me sick, that they are all O.K. with it.

Oh well. I also went to see my Dad, probably the last time I'll lay eyes on him. I prayed about whether to go, take Mom, or go alone. Just leave a note, or actually go in his room. It was quite the covert operation, and I ended up seeing him, because I asked a CN to give him the note, and she said "He is right here, in his room?" and I told her I wasn't sure if he wanted to 'see' me, and I was his Daughter from Montana, and she said "Oh, you are the one that nis not ALLOWED in here!!??!! "Oh, yeah, that would be me" She said let me go ask him, she did, he said yes, I burst into tears, and went and said my Good-Byes, and our "I Love You's" And then his wife showed up, and pitched a COMPLETE Hissy-Fit, threatening to take him out, had the aide & the wheelchair all ready...horrible. (The place is pretty nice, even though no one leaves alive!) I am so glad I didn't bring Mom, WAY too much drama, but it was worth it. I cried, and then drove out to the beach, we used to always go togther. I called The Police, to tell them, that I saw my Dad, and they could call her, and tell her to take a chill-pill, I will never see him again, or try to attend his funeral. CRAZY..........

Then back to care for Mom & Tom. Did I tell you that all three smoke detectors went off on three different nights??? I had to get on a ladder, and replace the batteries,, one at a time. Not much sleep to be had.

More later. ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! They canceled Mom's hearing appointment today, after I left! ARGGGGGGGGGGG1 What is wrong with these people, mostly Sister #1??? Mom says maybe it is because she is a Doctor, and thinks she knows everything??? But guess what, she spent a week with Mother, and didn't-even-notice-she-was-deaf-in-one-ear? I BEGGED Mother to re-schedule, and she & Tom can make the appointment around their schedule, and they didn't need Ann's blessing. I feel bad because I really got firm with her, and asked her "Do you want to be able to SEE & HEAR? You need to re-schedule that appointment, and I am going to ask you about it every time we talk?" It is not about money? Kaiser is dirt-cheap, and that is the ONLY good thing about them? If me coming and waiting on them hand & foot, meant anything to her, PLEASE do it for me??? And they wonder (my sisters) why I am mad all the time!!??!!

(((BigSkyGirl)))

Thank-You Carol.....You give good ~Cyber-Hugs~

sky:

haven't read all your posts on this trip--trying to catch up--but laughed about the age comment---during the last "real" visit with mom I reminded her of her upcoming birthday that she would be 80----she asked sos how old she was and sos told her 50--then pointed to me and asked me---well I just told her "I'm your baby" (I am 2 minutes younger than sos and at this time well take those 2 minutes and run with them!!!!! )---her reply---"no you aren't you are 60,70 or 80"......still have no idea who she thought I was....never well------however, today she would have been 80....miss her so!

Good luck with the sibs.....somethings never change.....I still harbor resentment and mixed feelings about my sisters--but as long as we stay off of certain subjects....my bro......not gonna happen....

take care of YOU!!!!

xxoo
karen

Thank-You-Karen; I am soooo glad you have chimmed in. Sometimes I think you may be the only one (and Connie B) that can truely grasp how devastating it is to have all the legal power, ripped away, but left with all the work, and being fought ever step of the way. It is unimaginable, even to me, and I am 'in' it! I suppose I would like to know, if that after this is all over, if there is any hope for the healing of my family, as of now, I think absolutely not! And that is not being mean & spiteful, that is the 'taking care of me' part. I can not afford to expose myself to emotional abuse, even if, and perhaps especially, from my immediate family.

I may have to send you my Sister's E-Mail, that started with "Now you must believe me when I say this, this is not intended to hurt you BUT...." and then tore me up one side, and down the other, not one positive, or supportive sentence, just like a slasher movie, and then imagine while taking care of Mom & Tom, and sitting in a coffee shop, (my only moments of sanity) I get this HATEFUL E-Mail from her, and then realize she sent it "ON" Thanksgiving Day??!!??

Yes, I can see it will be a very Merry Christmas.