Just posting to see what other thoughts are out
there re this economic crisis and caregiving for our
LO's. For my part, I was already sweating over
the amount of Daddy's money I was pouring into
Assisted Living PLUS private caregiving. Even though
he is really happy there and the situation has leveled
out for him, I'm worried he will WAY outlast his money
at the rate it is both going out BOTH doors (i.e., his
living/caregiving situation, as well as this decline in
investment portfolio). I've been operating from the
standpoint that it's his money, and if it is all spent on
him in his last years, so be it. What I'm afraid of is
that it goes so fast he will end up on Medicaid.
Don't know what I'm asking. Just rambling.
I'm sure lots of you have the jitters now, too.
It's just so #*!% frustrating how expensive it all is,
especially when his nest egg is shrinking.
Bless you guys. I know there are many out there
in much worse straits. I wish there were some
easy answers for all of us.

Carol:
These are scary times, to say the least. My mom's care runs about $55,000 per year, and she is in a private adult family home. The good news is most of her portfolio is invested in bonds, so she has a stream of intrest income that will help cover her costs, and when the bonds mature they will pay her back the principal.
However, my DH's ex-wife has just been diagnosed with vascular dementia at the age of 65, and it came on suddenly. My step-daughter is scrambling to sign her up for medicaid and find a care facility that will accept medicaid.
(DH's ex spent/squandered everything she received in her divorce settlement 25 years ago----BEFORE I met him). So now she is in dire straits, and the doctor says her brain shrinkage is due to the alcohol she has been drinking, and the vascular damage due to the combination of alcholol and smoking.
It's really very sad, and my DH and I are trying to help as much as possible.
But our retirement portfolio has tanked, too.

Are we worried? You bet!

Well, I try not to think of that, the money, but of course I do. Mom always said that any money she had was to be used for her care. But like you Carol, I do feel guilty writing out checks for the help that I get from my Granny Nanny. And since she is not working for anyone else now, I do have her come extra days, even if it's just to help me get some cleaning done.

If Mom ever has to go into a facility, there won't be much there to last more than a few years. And my husband and I cannot afford to pay out of our pockets. Our income has basically dropped with this economy. He's a hairdresser, and he is not as busy as he was a year ago. And boy, our income is showing it. And our retirement savings? I think my husband may have to work until he's 80. But the problem with that is all his older customers will be gone. And who wants an 80yr old hairdresser doing their hair!

So my fear too is how long will it last, and will Mom ever have to go on medicaid and not have a choice on which facility she would go in if needed.

Right now the way I'm thinking is always having her at home will make her money last the longest. And if Laura stays with me throughout all this, and can handle Mom when she gets worse, then it should probably work out ok. But from what I hear from everyone, one person helping may never be enough.

So right now, I don't have any plans. I guess I'm just waiting to see what happens, and when Mom will progress to the point of needing full time care. Then figure it out from there. From what I can see in her right now, she will also outlast her money.

So ramble on Carol. Not much else we can do but ramble until this economy picks up. And I don't see that happening for awhile.

Jackie

I am with you guys. Mom didn't have that much set aside to begin with and each month when I pay for her meds ( which right now are at $500.) I wonder how much longer things can go this way. The interest on her accounts is not matching what is going out and the principal is dropping quickly. It is really scary and I have to do a lot of praying so that it doesn't become a really obsessive worry. I hope that things begin to change quickly in this economy. Money should have to be the last thing on a caregivers mind with so much else going on.

We are looking at a good size dental bill here in the next couple of months also. Mom went in for her checkup and I got back a treatment plan for a major cleaning and several fillings. I guess I will be brushing her teeth from now on. There is no dental insurance, so again another bill.

There is no end to the things that we can worry about if we aren't careful.

I just take it day by day and have resigned myself to the fact that there will be nothing left by the time mom is gone. We did however by a plan to cover the funeral expenses, that is one less thing to deal with at this time.

Linda.

Linda,

I apply with circuit breaker for my Moms prescriptions. Don't know if this is available in other states, but I have included the website for you. I think they are allowed to have income up to $21,000. Mom gets her prescriptions for $2 and $5. Sure saves alot. You might want to find out if its available in your state.

This money thing is sure scary. If we ever use up the little money she has, I don't know what the heck we'll do either. If Mom stays with us, and doesn't end up in a home, we'll probably be ok. But if I ever have to place her, well..... Don't want to think about that right now.

My mom doesn't have any dental insurance either, but don't be afraid to ask the dentist to give you a break on that bill. They reduce it for the insurance companies, so there's no reason they can't for your Mom. I've told the dentist very nicely that he can get paid alot faster by reducing the bill as much as he can. They usually go for that.


https://www.revenue.state.il.us/app/cbci/index.html

Hope this can help a bit

Jackie

Mom didn't even begin saving for retirement until about 7 years prior to being forced out of work due to the dementia. She does get disability, but she also had refinanced the house very secretively a year before that to an ARM and doubled her house payment, so the disability pay barely pays the payment. Finding this out, I gave my mom the $ I had saved so she wouldn't have to touch hers. We have been through that money paying down her enormous credit card debt and my brother cashed hers out at the beginning of the year - she has about 1/3 of it left after her debts were paid. At this point, her money pays for the house/gas/electric/Medicare Part B & D and I pay for all food/household items/her clothing/diapers, etc. I kept receipts for a few months just to see what I spend and literally it's about $1800 a month.

Needless to say, I'm not paying my bills. My car payment and insurance are paid because we need the car, but everything else has gone by the wayside. I am only working on immediate priority, and that's her right now.

Judy,

Did you ever think of contacting the mortgage company to see if you can get that ARM changed. Did she already have Dementia when she did that? I don't know much about all that, but I think you may want to find out. Especially if her doctor has any records of her getting forgetful around that time, it might help.

You know, giving your Mom your money was nice of you, but I really think you need to start using her money, and when the time comes, and maybe you'll be a bit more financially set, then you can contribute yours. I felt the same way when Mom moved here and I started caring for her. But I take money from her monthly out of her checkbook to pay for meds, rent, extra food I've had to buy, and any other esssentials that she needs. And I have to say, it still is not enough at times.

My Granny Nanny Laura that I have come and watch Mom occassionally, I also pay from Moms money. I took some money out of one of her CD's and opened a checking account. I felt very guilty at first, but theres no way I can meet bills and support Mom too. I figured once we run out of her money, then hopefully things will get better with us financially, and we'll have to worry about it then.

So I think you should start dipping in to that retirement money of hers, whether its for yourself or for her. But don't let yourself get behind if you don't have to. My Mom always said that any money saved was to take care of her, and that she didn't want us kids taking it out of our pockets. So thats what I do. I don't show her any bank statements that she receives. And I keep her checkbook in my purse. Every once in awhile she'll ask to see her checkbook. She'll ask this or that, and I've become a very good story teller. (I hate that!)

So please, don't make yourself short if you don't have too. We'll get this figured out when we have too. You need to enjoy yourself a bit too.

Jackie

She hadn't been diagnosed at that time, but I already suspected there was something wrong. My brother is the POA and was trying to get the mortgage refinanced, but she also had a boatload of credit cards and did not have a good enough credit rating to get the refinancing done. For the past year, we have used the money I gave her and some of her own money to pay these off and just completed that. He is working to get the refinancing done now, but with the economy the way it is and the banking crisis over the past months, financing is very tight.

A month ago, I became eligible to participate in my company's 401K and intend to do that, but I am holding off until the beginning of next year to see how the election goes. I am so hopelessly behind on all my bills I could never catch up. Funny though, it doesn't even depress me - more of a fact of life thing and there isn't a lot I can do about it right now...

We had already planned to keep Laurette here at home, both for personal and financial reasons, but this change in the economy definitely seals the deal for us. Her house is decreasing in value, the investments are decreasing in value, and overall there are fewer resources with which to plan her future. Hopefully things will turn around in the next few years.

I wish I could stock up on gasoline though! I doubt it will stay this inexpensive for long...