My mother has been in this Nursing Home (NH) since she had surgery for her hip replacement last March. She also has Dimentia. Since then she developed a Black Eschar on her heel which they have been treating - via the wound care clinic. Recently, she's had two mini-strokes. So, she's needed 24/7 NH care! We have been working with her attorneys applying for Medicaid (a few months ago) after her money ran out. Medicaid here in Florida is HORRIBLE and we just happen to get the TOUGHEST agent processing Mom's application for Medicaid. Well, she was denied Medicaid in September, but her lawyers told us that that normally happens and they were appealing to the state and then she should get approved. They also notified the NH of this since her NH fees were behind by several months! So, they knew this was in the process and they would get back payment once she got approved.

So TODAY. . .while driving home, I get this call from the Social Worker from the NH saying that my mother will be discharged tomorrow! I was in SHOCK!! No warning from them!! NOTHING! They said they sent letters and tried calling my husband (who has DPOA), but this is a blantant LIE!! They never sent us anything! No calls to him or me either! NOTHING!! She said that she was also calling DCF (Department of Children and Family Services) to come get Mom!! I asked where they would take her and she said: "I don't know". She wasn't nice at all!

I was a wreck and in tears! My husband was out of town and on a plane home so I couldn't call him. So I called the attorneys - almost hysterical!! They said that they had NEVER heard of a NH doing this! BUT. . by law, they can't kick her out on the street. They have to find her a comparable NH that will take the same kind of care of her in the same area! They also said that the NH was posturing themselves to try to get me to come get my mother. If I did that, then they would be released from any further obligations and open up her bed for a "Private-pay" and not Medicaid. I was advised by the attorneys to NOT PICK HER UP! They said they would call the nursing home and other attorneys and possibly get an injunction so they couldn't do this!

I'm SO scared that my poor mother will be transferred to some horrible place! How can they do this?? They KNOW we're in the process of filing our appeal to Medicaid and it almost always gets approved. My husband said he thinks that this NH may be going out of business and are trying to get the Paying customers - not Medicaid!. Even though once approved, Medicaid would pay the NH back payments!

For those of you who don't know. . .we are not equipped to take care of my mother. All the bedrooms are upstairs and she is in a wheel chair and needs 24/7 medical care! She has been on IV antibiotics and has recently had some mini-strokes! Brothers and sisters all work and live in other cities & States . . .What am I going to do?? I'm at my witts end!

Oh dear. Connie, what you are going to do is listen to those
lawyers. Absolutely, positively, under no circumstances do or commit
verbally to anything without consulting them first. It sounds like the
one blessing you have at this moment is some good attorneys.
Their take on the situation also rings totally true.
The other thing you can do is to document, document, document.
It doesn't have to be fancy. But it should be timely. As close to
the point of the conversation having taken place, get your notepad
out and jot down whom you spoke to, what was said, what you
responded, etc. etc. etc. Start with that conversation the NH Soc.Wrkr
had with you about supposedly contacting you. Whenever someone
calls you or speaks to you, stop them, get their name, rank & serial
number (ha, you get the message...), then let them proceed.
The last thing you can do is hunker down with your strong base
of familial support and get ready for battle. You are up against
a bureaucratic monster that has dire financial incentive to do a very
bad thing. Now go back to number one. Listen to those lawyers.
Keep them informed. Breathe, just breathe.
And keep us posted.
Carol

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. It doesn't seem like anything ever goes smoothly does it?

I totally 100% agree with Carol. Just do what the lawyers say and breathe.

Hi Connie,

I am really sorry to hear this. I hate the system, let's hope this gets fixed in the next presidency so our elderly get the care they deserve. I have heard of people working the system, by taking out all their money from their bank accounts and transferring it to a child (you in this case), and then use the social security to pay all the bills, so that at the end of day there is only few dollars left in the account. The problem, as you obviously know, is that there is too much money coming in each month to qualify for medicaid, but not enough to get private health insurance. Have your lawyers or social worker talked you about this?

Aitan,

Yes! We've been working with the attorney's from day one with regards to Mom's funds. That is why we had to sell her house and pay back the reverse mortgage which left only 25K of which we owed the NH (at that time) 20K! What little money she had in their bank account went fast with the NH expenses for both she and ESF!! We did everything "by the book" and legally! Every penny of her money was spent on her, ESF and the NH. ALL LEGAL. NO money was ever diverted into any other accounts. All she has left now is her SS which she only get's to keep $35 a month! That's ALL! The rest goes to the NH!! She is now 100% broke! And we aren't far behind her! I've been taking up the slack with her expenses, etc.

The reason Medicaid denied her application was something they seem to do all the time. But they say it was due to not enough information?? Or something like that! Even the NH said that they understood about working with this particular Medicaid Case worker was a real B*@!H and it takes a long time with her to get approval. They also know that we were appealing it with the State. So I just don't understand this "back door" maneuver that they are pulling now???


Carol,

Thanks for the suggestions. I will definitely take notes! I feel like calling that SW at the NH and ask her how she could be so cold and callus with this sweet little old lady that is penniless and just throw her out on the street . . .basically??

Lori,

As always, thank you for your words of concern as well. I haven't told any of my syblings about this until we know what's going on. They would probably blame me. The attorneys said we should know more in the morning. They may be filing an injunction?? Or something like that to stop them from kicking her out.

This is just a nightmare!

Connie,

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. Using the system is just the pits, it is one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. If you believe in God pray, pray, pray. If you don't then breathe keep calm and document everything that happens. Do your best to stay calm and get your siblings to help you. Make them carry part of this load. Keep us up to date, there are a lot of good people here with lots of ideas. I don't really like attorneys but in this case I agree listen to them and go from there. Find something to laugh about to help keep you level. Things will work out.

I don't have any advice but wanted to say sorry for the situation . I'm praying for you all!

Kat

Oh Connie - how horrible that had to be for you to hear that they were kicking your mom out. I don't know much about that, but I agree with what everyone else has said about that. I just don't think they can. Anyhow, you seem to have some very wise lawyers, do what they tell you and suggest.

And Connie, as far as not telling your siblings about this yet, I have to disagree with you on that. There is no way they could possibly blame you for this. They certainly know your situation at home, and would have to realize that the last thing you want is your mom on the streets so to speak. And they know its impossible for you to have your mom in your home. So please tell them, and get some pressure off of yourself for a change. It is their mother too, and they should really be having at least some worry. And who knows, they may even have some good suggestions.

Have the rest ever sent you any money as you asked? I sure hope so. Be firm dear one, be firm!

And the suggestion about writing everything down - good one, please do that. It will really be important just in case. Date, time, who you talked to and if they were nasty or not. And I would go to that nasty lady that called you and give her a piece of my mind. Actually, find out her email address, and all of us will give her a piece of our minds. What a witch!!!

Please let us know as soon as you can what's going on. Thinking of you

Jackie

Oh Connie,

I'm so very sorry about this horrific ordeal. You've gotten some very good advice, great job Carol, that will really help you deal with this. One thing I might add is to make sure to write down each time you speak with your lawyers as well as nursing home and jot down quickly what they tell you, what they are going to do and when, it will help you to be able to keep your mind working by having it all written down. Don't rely on your memory right now, just jot away with each conversation with anyone concerning this situation and you will feel more in control.

I agree with Jackie too that your siblings need to know, only if they will be a support to you though.

I will be praying for a satisfactory resolution for you and your mom, take care.

Many big hugs for you!!!!

~Kelly~

We spoke to the attorneys today. They said that they sent a registered letter with the State Statutes stating that they could NOT just kick my mother out and they could face legal action! The attorney's sent a "Stop-Gap" so they could not proceed in kicking her out. The attorney called several times but the Exec. Director of the NH would not return her calls. She did call, but only after hours and did not leave a message. The NH is now trying to say that they need to discharge my mother (the sweetest - kindest lady) as an unsafe discharge. Meaning that she is a danger to herself and others!!! WHAT?THE. . .?!! They are LYING!! This is just another ploy tactic to try to get her out! TOTALLY UNREAL!!

The bad part is that I can't even so much as talk to my mother's nurses to see how she is doing! I can't go see her!! NOTHING! As for her doctors appointments, the attorneys asked if I could change them to a later date. But they are hoping to get this resolved within the next few days. . .Who knows. . .

GOD!! I feel like I'm right back in the nightmare I was in when my ESF wouldn't allow me to see or speak to my mother for 4 years!! I'm right there again! I'm just sick!!!

I am writing everything down too! Thanks for that suggestion. I also called the man from the Alzheimer's Resource Center who had been working with me when I was trying to rescue my mother last year and told him about what had happened. He told me that some NH's resort to these kind of tactics when financial problems arrise! He told me the same thing. . .DON"T GO GET YOUR MOTHER! I think it is down right DIRTY what the NH is doing!!!!

The first thing I am going to do when my mother qualifies for Medicaid, is move her! Then I will do everything in my power to make sure anyone looking for a NH does NOT get referred to this one! I will fight!! For my Mom!! And for any other Loved Ones who find themselves in this kind of situation!

I did notify my sister and brothers. They seem very understanding. My older brother said: "Just say the word and I'll come up there and rip them a new one!" (Sorry. . .) He's a BIG bald (like "Mr. Clean" only BIGGER!) tough guy that NO ONE messes with him!! He's really just a big teddy bear) But he means well! Thank you all for all your thoughts and prayers. I need them!

Connie

Connie,

Why can't you go see your mom? What's that all about? Won't they let you, or is that your attorneys advice? And if they(the home) won't let you, do your attorneys know that? Boy, this is just ridiculous for money that they put families through this. How dare they!! Whoever runs this home obviously does not have parents, or if he or she does, then God help them. And to say she's an unsafe discharge - ridiculous!!! Yes please, when she leaves there, try to do everything to pass around the name of that home. Don't let any other family have to go through that. In fact, when all this is over, and she is safe and sound in a new place, I would call one of the local newspapers. They'd have a field day with this one.

See, I knew your siblings would understand. Sometimes I guess we just have to give them a little more credit then we do. I'd sure take your brother up on his offer. Just make sure you get pictures!! Would love to see that!

Please keep us updated when you can. This information can only help us all if the time ever comes when one of us may need it. You are doing a good thing by informing us all of these situations. Thank you for that.

talk soon my friend,
Jackie

Connie,
Two things:
--I LIKE your brother!
--Jackie's idea on the press is excellent. Talk to your attorneys first, but it
may really, really help if you talk to the press about what is happening right
now, rather than after it is all over... You have to be careful, though, about
the slander angle, which is why I suggest running this by the legal guys.
Hang in & Hang on!
Carol

Connie,

Yes, absolutely, Carol is right, check with your attorney's. Do nothing with out their advice. Got a feeling they just might go for it though. And I sure hope its before all this is over. These kind of things should be able to be written up in the press. They indulge in everyother thing in people's private lives, so I sure hope they say you can about something so ridiculous as whats happening with June.

Jackie

I just spoke with Mom's attorney. She said that she called her partner (original attorney handling Mom's case - who was called to go back to Iraq to serve duty!) in Iraq and asked him about what my rights are and what the NH could do. He said that while there is an appeal in progress, the could NOT throw Mom out! Period! AND. . .I can go see her and take her to the doctors! If when I return, they say I can't bring her back, then I am to call the attorneys AND DCF (Dept. of Children and Family Services) - which the NH is afraid of! But they can't do this!!

I called to speak to Mom's nurse today, but got the run around that she was doing rounds. I asked about her CT scan results and again. . .no results in yet! It's almost been two friggin weeks! They are definitely dancing! So, I'm going to see my mother on Tuesday (bring hubby too!) to take her to the doctors! They better NOT give us any trouble! I have to admitt. . .I'm scared, though! I don't handle confrontation very well and may just explode if they try to pull somthing!

As for the media. . .the attorney's don't want to rock the boat too much unless they DO give us trouble. . .So if they refuse to allow me to return my mother to the NH. . you can bet your booties that I will be on the phone to our local TV station!! I used to work for Channel 6 here in Orlando and have friends who still work there! Don't mess with me, BUCKOS!!

You know. . this entire system for our elderly is TOTALY SCREWED UP!! WHY?!! WHY in the world will they protect our children but not our elderly?!! If my mother had been a child, she would have been yanked out of her home with abusive ESF a LONG time ago. The reason the attorneys told me is because they have no place to put them. No "Safehouse" like they do for children. The Nursing Homes are all full, the staff underpaid and the elderly are more work. . and my guess. . not as cute as a child. BUT. . .many of them ARE children!! In their minds and physical abilities and shouldn't be treated like throw-aways! I am MAD AS HELL and I DON'T want to take this any more. But my hands are tied. SO, as soon as I get this worked out for my mother, I am going to become a huge Advocate for the elderly and try to do everything I can to get them help so they don't have to suffer in their final years!

Stepping down from my soap box now.. . .thank you for listening and for being there for me!