Hi all,

Well, God made it very clear that I had to take my mom to the hospital for help. Last night my brother in law called, he had spoken with a Dr. friend who told him we HAD to take her and get her medications stablized, I realized after all you all have said and then several friends that you are right but didn't know how to go about it. I thought I would wait today and see how the Ativan worked, but Amber and 13 yr. old daughter were there and were being hit and kicked and had a coffee can thrown at them. A good friend arrived to relieve Amber so we could get things ready for the wedding and things just escalated from there. I heard my mom screaming while I was on the phone and then Amber telling her to stop slapping her. I called the Dr., told him I had to get her somewhere right away.

Long story short, she really wanted to "go" and so was fine in the car and when we went in to the hospital. They put her in a room right by the nurses station with a window joining them. She started getting jumpy and belligerent, took off her gown, and then when a nurse came to get me to talk to me she was very demanding. When we got in the hall that's when I burst into tears. But, when the time came for me to go a nice lady was walking with her in the hall (they called in a lady to stay with her full time) and she saw me. We "talked" for a while then I hugged her a long time and she took the lady's hand and walked away!!! Whew, that helped me. My full desire would be to stay with her 24/7 and I never thought I could leave her but I just can't right now. I don't comfort her, and I have neglected my family enough right now. It is a small hospital and the Dr. said he knows all of the people. I hate it, but I have to get ready for this wedding and take care of my dad and family, our hearts hurt.

My dad is okay, he knows this is what needs to be done, he cried a lot today, but he also knows we are doing the right thing. My men are having son's bachelor party at Grandpa's house now that all is quiet there. Amber stayed there today and cleaned house all day, Dad was thrilled.

The Dr. is working on getting her admitted to a Geriatric phychiatric hospital about 2 hrs. away, Dr. said that is where he sends all his hard cases, very nice place I hear. They don't have a bed yet, so it might be a few days. They promised they wouldn't do anything without calling me and I could say no at any time if I don' t like the plan. Our Dr. will be working hand in hand with the Dr.'s there. Not what I imagined happening, but thanks to you all for preparing me.

So, we are all sad but breathing a big sigh of relief. I know the tears will come again, but this is AD.

Thank you all for your support, any other words of wisdom would be appreciated.

~Kelly~

Oh Kelly Dear! I am in tears too! Your family has been through soooo much, and as much as you must have hated leaving her, they sound really nice & repectful? It sure was a plan, whose time had come, you need not question that. I think it would break my heart just watching your Father's heart break, and you have your own emtions to deal with...so hard, you deserve a medal!

I think you may find, that once you get used to her being cared for, and not with you 24/7, you will find some relief, or so I have heard. Please don't let the 'guilt' monster sneak in, he/she, will try to steal all that peace & quiet, that might be on it's way!

Can your Dad attend the wedding now? That would be a blessing too.

Hang-In...{{{HUGS}}}

Hi Kelly, I'm really sorry to hear about this hard time you and your family are enduring. I was wondering is this psych admission something that the doctor suggested should be permanent, or just for a short time to try and find a medication regimen that works for her while she's in an inpatient setting?

Kelly, Given that I live in the area and work in the field of residential mental health, please let me know if there is anything I can do that might be helpful. It could be as simple as dropping a name, connecting you with someone I know inside the hospital system, or familiarizing you with what I know about procedures and medications. And, if you need a hug, I'm here for you.

Blessings.

Many ((((hugs)))) & ***prayers*** being sent
your way, Kelly.
Carol

Kelly,
I think you'll find that making this decision will work out best for everyone. It is hard to have to admit them but we can only do so much on our own. I'm just assuming this is a short time thing just to get the meds adjusted.

The first time Bill went in, I felt like I had failed in caring for him, but when he came home two weeks later, he was like a new person. They got his meds adjusted and things went pretty smooth. It sounds like the doctors are going to be working with you and that is good. Don't feel guilty about this.

I know how you feel but it is for the best right now.
I'll be thinking of you and your family. Enjoy the wedding.

Thank you so much everyone, I appreciate your kindness more than you know.

Yes, the goal of this hospitalization is to get her medications stabalized so that we can bring her home. We are at a difficult place though because of the house. We need to get it finished, but it has been harder because of my mom and of course the wedding preparations. So, strangely, I am praying that this stabalization process will take a while so that Mom can be well taken care of and we can all work like crazy to get ready for her. Friends owned the home we live in and sold it out from under us even though they said they wouldn't. The new landlord tried to raise our rent 50% after taking half of the property for his horses starting Sept. until I begged him not to, so he gave us until Nov. No added stress!!!

My dad told me last night that he was actually thinking that we might need to place mom for 2-3 months so we can finish up the house and be ready. Of course the idea is painful but I really think my mom in her right mind would agree for the sake of my dad and family.

Yes, my dad will be able to be at the wedding, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner and even talked about going up on Thursday with us. I am so relieved and happy. I know my mom would want it that way too and keep telling him that.

The guilt monster. Yep, I know him! BUT, the Lord was truly gracious and made it so very clear by many, many things that happened in the last week, that I KNOW this is what we had to do and I can rest in that and remind myself and my dad of that when the monster appears and the peace of God is greater than that monster!!

Thanks Joyce for the encouragement about Bill, I do look forward to taking care of mom again when she is stable.

Anna, I will PM you, thank you.

I called last night at 8pm to check on Mom. The nurse said she had been writing, reading, (She can't do either really), walking the hall. She said she was getting ready for bed and "She is sooooo nice!!" That really made me happy. Mom was the nurses only patient so she said she was giving one on one care. That made sleep much easier, called Dad and told him too. Dad said he kept looking for Mom last night.

We all slept in this morning for the first time in eons, 2nd daughter is still asleep, children are happily playing legos, a slow, peaceful pace again!! Well, for the moment, there is much to do!

Thanks again everyone,

~Kelly~

Kelly,
I know this tears you up inside. It does seem that your mom is happy in her "new" surroundings which hopefully gives you a bit of comfort. Something else to try to ease your mind. By doing this, you are still helping your mom through her journey through AD by helping her get these meds adjusted so she can continue to carry on as best she can. That's all we ever want for our loved ones is to make this easier on them and I know if it were me, I would want someone to make it easier on me. Everything you are doing is out of love for her and your family. And as long as there is love behind those actions, there is nothing to feel badly about. Please be gentle with yourself. And tell that wonderful dad of yours that we care about him too and are keeping him in our prayers as well. Take care.

Oh, I am so, so, happy to hear this Kelly! It is so hard to consider this, a blessing, but you have, and it is! How remarkable that someone, on this board, is in the mental health field, lives nearby, and is willing to help you too! And yes, God is bigger, stronger, and kinder, than the guilt monster! Thanks for reminding me too!

Hope all is still going well with you and your family while getting ready for the wedding AND caring for your Mom. I do pray that she's doing better in the hospital setting.

I often think about you Kelly, and wonder how your house is coming along. Maybe you can get a little more done without having to keep one eye on Mom all the time.

I'm sure she will come home much better than when she went in.

Enjoy yourself at the wedding.

Whew, made it through this rough week, one week till the wedding!! I am getting butterflies in my stomach!!

Mom made all kinds of friends at the hospital nearby and cried when she said goodbye to them, yesterday, Fri. I brought the staff cookies to say thank you, since I know she took a lot of time that they aren't set up for. I asked if I could drive her to the Psychiatric Hospital, 2 hrs. away and after checking they told me yes, but to bring someone with me. Amber and I went, after 5 min. in the car with Mom I thought I might have to take her back and let the ambulance drive her, but she settled down. She was weepy, but not too bad.

New hospital is known to be the best in OR, most all the nurses came and introduced themselves to my mom and were very nice. They have a good program to keep the folks busy and Mom seemed to like that. Today I hear she has been folding laundry, yep, that's my mom. The hardest part of leaving her was that there were quite a few men patients milling around, one even went in her room as we left it, that just scares me, but I know she would yell her head off if someone tried anything. I also have to trust that God will take care of her.

I just couldn't believe it, right before we were going to leave Mom told me to go ahead and leave now because it would be easier! Then she said to go before she started crying! I just couldn't believe that she had the ability to know it would be hard for her when we left. Hard on all of us.

She slept well, has been participating in all of the activities and is eating well. I am going to call her in an hour or so after dinner so we will see if that will upset her or not. Annaberry gave me a lot of things to ask and look for, wow, she is a wealth of information, thanks Annaberry. I've gotten some stern words from my sister and many friends telling me to enjoy the wedding, and I know my mom would want me to do just that, so I haven't cried too much today and am trying to get the things done that need finished up. The girls have done most of it and done a great job.

Joyce, the guys are finishing up the electrical and heating/air ducts. Then we'll have the insulation and drywallers come in.

Thank you all for caring, will keep you posted,

~Kelly~

Wow, Kelly--Sounds like things are going about
as good as you could hope for. Focus on the upcoming
joyful event and know that your Mom is being taken care of
very well.
Carol

Ditto! I am amazed at how mature, she sounded in asking you to leave quickly?!? I bet it seemed like your 'old' Mom! I can't even imagine tying to plan a Wedding, do a remodel, and take care of my Mother with AD, that had generated to the point, of her getting violent, grabbing the steering wheel, etc. It just goes to show (and I know your faith has allot to do with your strength) when we dig deep, and you have, we can handle, anything! The human spirit, always amazes me, and what we are able to endure!

I hope you can experience some "JOY" at the wedding, your Mom would certainly want that for you!

I'm glad things are going well!

I read your post where you all slept in lol, that's how it is with me and Hubby. Whenever we visit my folks, I love the first couple days of rock solid sleep.

Congrats on your son getting married soon!

Katrina