MIL is still in the early stages so I'm not real emotional about alot of my caregiving, it's just general stuff like helping her out and all.

Tonight I am so sad for some reason about it. She had used the dryer (had it like 20 years) and didn't do the settings right. She used it on Saturday night and tonight I pulled out moldy soured laundry from the machine. She's forgotten how to use the dryer :/.

Stupid thing to feel like crying about but I do :/.

Rant/emotional thingie over.

Kat

Dear Kat,

You're grieving the loss of your MIL, not a little thing at all. Watching your LO loose their abilities and loose themselves is very difficult. I cried all last spring and summer reading all of these posts and seeing what was coming and I keep crying as we experience more and more loss. Not a silly thing at all, and tears are a gift from God for us to get relief.

I'm sorry this is happening to your MIL and to all your family. We're here for you as you have been for us.

Many hugs to you,

~Kelly~

As Kelly said, it's not silly at all. I have cried buckets over mom forgetting how to turn off the faucet. MIL may also remember again how to use the dryer - my mom's faucet problem is very intermittent.

One of the things that happens is that even though we live with this every day, it's the small things that really get us crying. I was driving mom to an appointment and I asked her if she was enjoying the ride and she said "I don't get out much." I fell to pieces. This was a woman who used to go and do constantly, always going here and there, visiting friends. To hear her say that emphasized how small her world has become and it's almost unbearably sad. I'm crying right now just talking about it.

You are human. If you didn't cry watching this disease take someone away, there would be something wrong.

I wanted to add something else - the other night, I was sitting next to mom on the couch (she'd rather I didn't, not too huggy with me) and I said to her, "one day you might not remember who I am. I want you to know I will know your heart remembers." I didn't think it would affect her at all, but she began to cry. She knows what is happening. I wish she didn't.

Oh Judy,

That is so sweet and so sad all at the same time!

~Kelly~

Kat,
I couldn't have said it any better than the others have. Your post hit home with me, as just before I read your post, I was also crying over an incident with Mom. She couldn't do something so very simple as putting a mouth piece in her mouth for a neubulizer. (This was her first time using it) She kept on holding it with her teeth instead of her mouth. And of course, I got so very impatient with her.

So you go ahead and vent here to us when your in those moods. If anyone understands, it certainly is all of us. And I like what Kelly said about tears being a gift from God for us to get relief. Never thought of it that way, but now that she said that, and I cried, I do feel better. Thank you God!

Jackie

Kat,

What you are feeling is so normal..............AD steals our LO's piece by tiny piece, and it's these losses that we grieve.
How wonderful to have this place to share our grief with others who truly understand.

Kat, it isn't a small thing at all. It's watching a piece of her die. I wish I could tell you that there will be no more tears but we all know better.

Thank you all for your wonderful replies, they are a light in a long dark tunnel! I truly appreciate what you all have written!

I forget that I am mourning what's happening with her. It's such a roller coaster with her dementia. One day she's almost all there and the next day it's totally different.

I'm so blessed to have this forum and you all, it makes everything so much easier!

Kat

Those little things build up on each other, and we all understand so well! There is a constant process of absorbing tasks that used to be long to our loved ones. I find myself thinking fairly consistently "Oh, I guess I have to do that now too." Most are small, but one after the other they all build up and a few hit our soft spots.

This week for me it was about the naps. Since the time changed it's dark earlier, and Laurette woke up from a nap after it was dark. She was disoriented for about two hours, couldn't figure out what time of day it was, and consequentially couldn't manage any other task successfully either. Now I know I have to schedule her naps more carefully in the winter. All those little things add up, and together they're all quite sad sometimes.