Dear friends,

I apologize to all of you for my lack of coming on the forum. I have been reading when I can, but I have to say I don’t have much energy to sit at this computer very long. The therapy for my knee is going well, but very grueling. I’m exhausted most times. I’ve pushed very hard so I can get back on my feet to continue in this caregiving role that I so much hate. I went for my six week checkup and was told I need to slow my therapy down a bit, as I am way ahead of myself, but as we all know, the luxury for that just isn’t possible.

My sister was here for 4 weeks, and it was wonderful. I could see it was taking a toll on her with work, helping with Mom, and me around the house, that I lied to her and told her I felt terrific. She needs to work, and I didn’t want anything to interfere with her making a living by wearing herself out. So she is now home and I am on my own.

My new helper Colleen does still come, but most times when Mom needs the most help, its not when Colleen is here. Seems like anything that comes up with mom whether its poop all over (had to put her in the shower the other day) or just her being plain unreasonable, is much after Colleen leaves. Just today alone Mom fell twice, but thank God nothing is broken. Had to call a neighbor once and the other time I was able to pull her up by the stair with the help of the railings. My doctor and therapist would be having a fit if they knew.

Anyhow, within a few weeks I should be up and running. Right now I cry most times, and have been yelling at Mom an awful lot which has really put me in a state of depression that I can’t seem to knock, and has made her I think advanced to another stage. She is just impossible. But again, when I’m good, she’s good, so I only have myself to blame.

Please know that I am NOT deserting the forum and will be back full force very soon. You won’t be getting rid of me that’s for sure. I need you all and miss talking to you. I just need a bit more time to be able to sit here and also to get back in some sort of thinking mode again.

Love to you all,
Jackie

Jackie, maybe Mom needs her meds adjusted so she is more reasonable for you. Please don't be so hard on yourself for being short with her. I know how she can be. She can be a stinker when she wants. It's hard enough to recover from knee surgery but then add caregiving to the mix and it's just almost impossible. My fear is you are going to undo what the dr. did by picking her up or cleaning up after her and mess up your knee again and I know you don't want that.

It's really amazing what medication can do to make this journey a bit easier for everyone involved. Maybe it's something you can consider for your mom. (((hugs)))

I just gave you my pep talk elsewhere so I won't repeat it. It was just the basic take care of yourself first so you can take care of Mom later.

I know what you were saying about reading but not writing. Sometimes you just get so down that you can't write. That's the way I felt for awhile but I'm back up again, not saying that I won't get down again.

Like Snick said, don't get down on yourself for not being able to do the things you were doing before surgery. And don't feel guilty for losing it with Mom. They can be a handful when you're up to par much less when you're not. I mentioned the respite before, but maybe you could look into it even if it's only for a week or two. Even a short period of rest would work wonders.

Praying things lighten up and you get feeling better!

Take care!

Kat

Oh, Jackie! How I wish lived near you to give you a hand when the helper has gone home!

Please understand that you are normal in how you're responding to Mom when you're not feeling up to snuff physically and emotionally.

Take advantage of any respite care you can get for Mom while you're trying to heal. I agree with Joyce on that... without some sort of respite when I felt ill, I would have probably ended back in the hospital, myself!

Take care Jackie. We're here with our shoulders to lean on and ears to listen to whatever you need to say!

Oh Jackie,
I haven't been online for a while so I didn't know. I wish your sis could have stayed to help alittle longer. You need to heal that knee.
I don't know if its the weather or 'just' the Alzheimer's but my Dad's been acting up too - agressive & constant eating.
With this disease it's always something different. It will make you crazy if you to try to be perfect for them all the time, especially when you're not feeling well. They do respond/react to our emotions somethimes but don't put a guilt trip on yourself if you're not 'up' that day. You're dong the best you can. They couldn't pay someone to do what you're doing - 24/7 -no way!!
We're with you & we support you.
Take care
Eileen

So true Eileen. Listen to her Jackie.

I just deleted a post that showed up twice. I didn't even know we could do that. How long have we been able to edit? Or have I just been out of it for too long. Talk about being brain dead.

I'm with you, Jackie.

I don't know what to say except it's easier said than done---to surrender---to it all. But that's what we have to do. Believe it.

Just checking to see how you're doing Jackie. I hope things are beginning to get back to "normal". has your mother settled down a little?

Gosh guys, thanks so much for your concern.

You know, there's days where I seem to feel a bit better and then bingo, my pain starts again. So today my therapist and I agreed that I've just been working out a little too hard and have to just back off a bit. My back is starting to act up a little with some of the exercises and she said that may be just putting more tension on my body, therefore making my knee ache more. So with that in mind we started cutting down today. And then just my regular exercises at home.

I've already been on a machine that has weights on it that you push with your legs and I was up to 60 pounds (my fault cause I knew I could do it and I did) but it was just too much too soon. Plus I have weights on my ankles when I do some exercises there, and the poundage on those was also cut down today.

I just want all this pain to go away so I figured the harder I worked the faster it would go away, but I found out the hard way thats not the way it works. Its really more of a time thing for healing.

So starting today, instead of trying to do 2 or 3 loads of wash, I did one. And instead of trying to stay on my feet all day, I rested in between and iced. When I went for my check up, they told me no more than 1-2 hours on my feet at one time, but did I listen, oh no, not me.

I've also been told to get back on my cane for awhile. Bummer!! But I will listen this time.

One thing that was really nice is I took my first bath in 6 weeks. I've only been able to shower, so sitting in that tub of very hot water was wonderful!!! Good thing though I have a bar in there that we installed when Mom came here, as I almost had to call hubby to get me up. But I did it myself with the help of the bar, and very carefully.

I don't know what it exactly it is with Mom, but I sure would like to blame it on the weather. But I do have a feeling alot of her frustration is because of the mood I'm in and all the yelling I've been doing. So today I took a few deep breaths (yes Lori, I finally listened to you) before I opened my mouth with something.

And of course to make matters worse, her brother passed away on Monday. She is now the last one left out of 11 children, and although she doesn't remember alot, she sure remembers that as thats all she keeps talking about. I will be taking her to the wake, but I lied to her and told her that there will be no funeral. NO way she or me for that matter could last all day. Ours usually start at 9am at the funeral home, then church, then the cemetery, and then the luncheon. If she went to the funeral, and I was there with her, they would surely have to bury her too!!! (and arrest me for murder!)

Well, thats it for now. My leg is getting tired hanging down and starting to hurt and I want to try to catch up on one more post and then the rest in the next few days. Again, thanks so much for your friendship and concern. I really don't know what I would do without all of you. But I do want you to know that I'll be in full force asap, and lend you my ears again as you have alway done for me.

love to you all,
Jackie

Jackie, your mom's twin is here with me - I think she has a stash of meth somewhere in this house because the woman has not slept more than 3 hours in the past 48 hours. I put her in her room and told her to close her eyes, knowing she would fall right asleep. FORTY MINUTES LATER SHE WAS UP AGAIN. My brother's response to my not-so-veiled comment that I am exhausted said "That sucks" and moved on to whatever else he wanted to talk about.

Judy,
They certainly are twins. Mom was doing that for awhile too. Sometime ago, the doctor had send me a script of Vicodin for Mom's knees, but it was making her too poopy during the day. So I stopped them, give her advil, and I now give her a vicodin right before she goes to bed at night. Works like a charm! She most time only wakes up once during the night to use the bathroom, and thats it. It's been nice to not have to get up constantly cause either she can't sleep, just won't, or thinks she has to go to the bathroom.

I only give her half right now, and it seems to do the trick. But as soon as it stops working, I will give her a whole one. Ativan is pretty good stuff too. I remember last time mom was in the hospital, they gave her that to sleep and calm her, and it worked like a charm. But it also made her more poopy during the day. So if you do get that for her, give her the very lowest dosage you can get.

But you must get something Judy, you cannot keep up like this, I know.

And my brother's response to exhaustion or aggravation? "Oh I'm sure you are!" I guess I want more sympathy or something cause everytime I get off the phone with him, I feel like pounding my head against the wall and screaming to him "you still just don't get it!""

Believe me, they never will!

jackie

Jackie and Judy,

I still remember the period where Bill would be up and down all night. I finally ended up removing everything except his bed and a chair from his room. Then I put a lock on his door so he couldn't get out of the room during the night. I put a video monitor in his room so I could see what he was doing at all times. By doing this I was able to get some sleep without worrying about where he was or what he was doing. I knew he couldn't hurt himself in his room so I could relax a little.
He would try to open his door but when he couldn't he would just start his pacing around or fixing his bed. He spent hours smoothing the blankets on the bed. That made a lot of noise on the monitor but I was able to see him so I knew what he was doing.

I know it sounds terrible, locking him in his room, but that was the only way to save my sanity and protect him at the same time.

It isn't just not being able to sleep at night, you can't even take a nap during the day because they don't sleep then either. If they do, you never know when they will be waking up.

Wish I cold help both of you in more ways than just telling you what I had to do.

Joyce, I'm going to have to do that. Mom's rummaging through her drawers, just looking at things (must be all new to her everytime she sees items in her drawers). I am definitely going to have to get a lock for her door also - this morning I woke up and she was sitting in the living room. It disturbs me that she got up and I didn't even hear her. It's because I'm sleeping like the dead. We have a bedside commode in her room already, so it wouldn't be like she had no place to use the bathroom if necessary. Believe me, Joyce, the suggestions you give are great - keep 'em coming.

We go through periods of this - the staying up almost constantly, then we have periods where she sleeps 15-16 hours a day. I've talked to the doctor a couple of times about giving her something for sleep, but he is kind of hesitant about it because she may be so out of it that if she does get up during the night, she may fall.

Jackie, I am just so disgusted with my brother anymore. I really feel like when all of this is over, the way he was not concerned about helping me at all is going to cause me to just not deal with him anymore on any kind of level. Mom's disability pay is being cut off this month (since she became disabled while working at age 65, Prudential is only paying 2 years and no more) and within a couple of months she will be beneath $2,000 in assets. I have been talking to him about applying for SSI and he hardly listens to me. I have already offered to take back the financial part - he was only handling things on an emergency basis and over the past 2 years she has been paying for things that are not necessary (charity donations I asked to be stopped, she paid a year of supplemental Medicare insurance that was continued from the year before, when I had signed her up for a Medicare Advantage plan). I was the one who discovered this stuff and I was the one who ended up stopping these payments to conserve her money. If he does not take care of this efficiently, I am taking over the finances again and he isn't going to have the option of deciding whether or not he wants that. The last thing I need is another chore to take care of, but I also can't sit around and wait for him to take care of things anymore.

Howdy,
Sometimes it's easier to just do it and get it over with. When the duties are split up, you spend half the time doing your part and the other half either doing or worrying if the other half is getting done. If you are going to have to do it anyway you might as well get rid of the worry part.

At least I never had to worry about what others were or were not doing. No one offered and no one did, so I just took care of everything without haaving to answer to others. Guess that was the obe good thing about being a spouse and not a sibling.

If I can offer any suggestions that I feel helped me, I'll pass them on