I need help guys. Is it ok to have a disagreement in front of the loved one with Altz.? Mom just doesn't seem to be able to deal with any kind of disagreement no matter how mild or heated it is. The reason I ask is because my sister just doesn't seem to get it. She brings her problems here all the time. I keep telling her not to do this but it just isn't sinking in. Help.

I would say that anything that agitates your mother is not a good thing and should be avoided. Her world is already upside down and by arguing, it is only making things for her even more upsetting.

As far as your sister is concerned, I would inform her that if she wishes to argue, she will have to do it over the telephone, out of your mother's hearing range so as not to upset her. And if she still doesn't "get it", I wouldn't open the door to her the next time she comes for a visit unless she can be civil around your mother or she will be asked to leave.

I don't understand what's not to get about this. Perhaps you should offer to get her hearing checked.

We have quite a mixture here of that problem. MIL always wants to meddle into other's arguments and loves to pit people against one another but she'll turn on the water works if you question her one bit.

I try not to have any arugments in front of MIL because it does seem to put her on edge a bit. Honestly I don't think anything has openly been discussed in this family for almost 5 years .

Kat

Thank you. I knew what the answer was going to be just needed it reinforced. As far as not "getting it" my sister is pretty self involved so if it isn't about her it doesn't seem to sink in; but, she is the expert on this disease and tells me what I should be doing or how I should be treating mom. So, the same problem as most of you.

I told her yesterday it was not to happen again and she clammed up and didn't speak to me the rest of the day. Will see what happens and keep you all posted.

It is absolutely unnecessary to argue around our LO's! We had the same problem with DH's older brother and wife, who, when they would visit, would engage Old Navy into an argument. Then when ON over reacted (catastrophic reaction) and couldn't be calmed down, I had to have DH take ON outside while I chastised the two about arguing with ON. I had given them a book about Alzheimers and the various problems that occur because their 'thinkers' and 'reasoners' are broken. Obviously, they hadn't read it before coming to see ON.

What part of ALZ don't they get?!!

I know, if I wasn't so upset I'd be laughing at how dumb this all is.

Linda, I think you answered your own question from the very beginning. If she's unable to cope then she should be sheltered, the same way we remove things like driving and paying bills and other things. Simple.

As far as mom's concerned, life is roses and rainbows......we do not bring problems around here. I have learned to cry very quietly in my room.