Joyce she's in Chelsea Comm Hosp. I can explain the hesitancy from the last hospitalization. He is almost home, and we are heading out there. I'll wave as we go by.

Anxiously waiting to see what you found out and how MIL is doing.

I hope you find things aren't as bad as you are expecting.

I'll wave back, if I'm still awake.
Good Luck.

Good morning all,
Apparently, Mom was in the hospital in Sept., when SIL found her on her back in her bedroom, complaining of back pain. SIL took her to the ER, had xrays, etc., done. Hours later, Mom was fine, waving to the staff on her way out, and thanking them for a lovely visit. When I talked to SIL on the 5th, when MIL fell out of bed at the "care home", SIL was laughing and joking that the same thing would probably happen. SIL was somewhat friendly, so I thought OK, maybe communication was opening again? This was a Thurs. and SIL said Mom would certainly be released Fri or Sat. SIL was actually hesitant about whether we should come to the hospital. After not hearing back from SIL, I called her Sat. and she was abrupt with me, saying Mom was home and fine, SIL was busy and would call back that night or the next day. She didn't call, so I called back Sun evening. Again abrupt, "Mom is fine. She's fine I don't know what else to tell you." I asked if Mom was there, she said yes....but she was in bed sleeping. OK, I call back Tues am, and SIL says Mom is at day care, and she doesn't like these daily calls all of a sudden, she can't take this crap, and that is all it is...crap, so she had to end the conversation. THAT is why I was planning on showing up at SIL's today, or the "care home", if I found where Mom was.

On this visit, we were completely not sure if Mom was going to bounce back or not. SIL gave Hubby info, but I had more questions, so he tried to call her back, but she wasn't answering her phone. SIL did NOT take Mom to the hospital, she received a call from the doctor yesterday morning, regarding Mom's condition. I do not even know when Mom went into the hospital. Hubby will find out this AM. Sooo Hubby did not want to jump into the car, until he could get someone from the staff to explain to him what was going on. I called the hosp, they had Mom's nurse call me, and she said SIL said I needed to call HER and she would let me know. I said tell SIL that we called 4 TIMES, and she did not answer. The nurse gave me the room number and I called that, but SIL was pissed that I was asking questions again, even though I did get more info that time. Hubby did speak to the nurse, and with that info, we decided to go.

We got to the hospital, and Hubby said he wanted no interaction with SIL. We went into the room, and SIL started mumbling about how she was swabbing Mom's mouth, and how she was staying with her, and really not saying much. She did not expect us to come through that door. Mom was sleeping deeply, probably from the morphine. Her mouth was wide open, but she seemed to be breathing regularly. SIL had told me she was on oxygen, but she wasn't. We stood there for awhile, then left the room on the pretense of going to the vending room. We decided Hubby would ask SIL if we could have some private time with Mom. She was very surprised, mumbling like,"well, alrighty then!" and such, but she went out.We had some quiet, nice time with Mom, I kissed her forehead and was able to sit in SIL's seat and hold her little hand. Her fingernails were nice and pink. I felt like a huge weight lifted off me. I was there, she was there. It was OK. We then left, and Hubby will call the hospital to see how she is today, and if she is alert, we will go back. If not, I may go myself, with my Niece. I can fully understand if Hubby does not want to just stand by her bed and watch her. I think he has already said good bye.

I prayed to God last night, to please not let her suffer, to please take her Home, where she will again be whole. IF she does get out, I WILL track her down, and go there.

Hubby just called. He spoke to her nurse. Mom is the same, non responsive, AS SHE HAS BEEN FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS!!! He was told that she was admitted MONDAY! The nurse then asked, "Who has POA over your Mother?" Hubby said his sister. OK, thank you. Now, there was a note taped to the outside of Mom's door last night, asking the family of (then two Mom's initials) to see the admitting office ASAP. Hubby brought it to SIL's attention, and she had never seen it. She was genuinely surprised, then said maybe it was for the room mate, who had been transferred out. HELLO, what are the chances of them having the same initials?? Hubby let it go, feeling it was her responsibility, not his.

So, now our assumption is that SIL did not even go to the hospital until Thurs. AM, when she got the call from the doc, and she has done nothing as far as paperwork.

Now, I will wait until about noon, when Hubby will call the hosp. back.

Thanks for listening.

Maebee,

Find out all you can from the office staff as to where Mom was transferred from to the hospital.

SIL is going to be doing a lot of back peddling, it seems and your DH has to step up and find out just what is truly going on with HIS Mother.

Even if SIL has POA, she should be communicating with Hubby a little better than she's doing. What does she think you will do? take Mom (or the money) away for ever?

Hubby came home from work, to let me know that Hospice has been called in. Again, he found out from the nurse. SIL has not yet let us know.
The nurse estimated that she may have only 1-2 days. I am soooo soooo bitter.
God is answering my prayers. I hope he doesn't know what is in my heart for my SIL.

I guess Hubby does have a plan, and a legal contact for the time he has chosen. He is going to file for a complete accounting of Mom's finances, for the entire 5 years. He doesn't care if the money goes to a "mud pit" or to "animals", as long as she has to provide a full accounting. We have a strong suspicion Mom has not been taken care of well, because to money ran out. He said if we don't find out from the hospital, where she came from, he will see it in the accounting.

God, this is so much harder than it had to be.

Maebee,

I'm so sorry. You have been such an advocate for your MIL and to not be able to see her before now just breaks my heart. Please know that my thoughts are with you, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Maebee,

You are so right. Your SIL has made such a difficult situation even harder. I support your hubby 100% about getting an accounting. Something really sounds amiss and my guess it has been at the cost of your MIL's care.

My thoughts and prayers to you, my friend. Keep postiing here to vent and for loving support.

Joyce

Mom passed away at 5:40 this morning. We received a call from the hospital, a little after 6am. I do not think SIL was there, as the hospital asked which funeral home we wanted, as the one listed was out of business. He told them that he needed to contact SIL about that. Hubby called the hospital back, around 9am, and found that SIL had Mom taken to a funeral home near the hospital, awaiting final arrangements. They also said that SIL had called them just before Hubby, to inquire if any personal belongings were left at the hospital. She is still not answering her cell phone, and has not returned DH's call. I dread this whole process we now have to face. I am gahtering pictures for a picture board, and putting some thoughts down on paper, but I have a raging migraine. Such is life.

A very small part of my heart feels bad, because I know she is grieving her Mother, but it is a very small part.

I am grieving greatly for the loss of the past five years to my Husband and Sons. When told, "The Little One" said, "Well, with Grandma at Aunt----'s so long, I kinda though we would never see her again. I'm glad we went Thursday." Y'know, unknown to me, he had written SIL an email, asking her about Grandma. She actually proceeded to sweetly tell him all about broken promises and their effect on Mom's behavior, always saying "you" to him, not "your Mom or Dad". He was devastated! If we knew where she was, well....

Anyways onward and upward. I need to prepare for the coming days.
Love you guys, and thanks for being here, even though I have not been down in the trenches like you.

Maebee,

My deepest condolences to you and your family. I am very glad you made the opportunity happen with your visit the other day.

I am so sorry you and your husband had to deal with such difficulties and now are still faced with trying to find out information. I think a picture board and jotting down some thoughts are excellent ideas. Perhaps your husband may even be able to say a few words at the service, even eulogize his Mother. And if not him, perhaps one of the grandsons. Maybe even you...

I wish with all my heart families would be more loving toward one another. How much better off we would all be. But, since that doesn't seem to be in the cards, know, my friend, your cyber family is here for you.

Love, thoughts and prayers,

Joyce

I'm so sorry Maebee, but I am very glad that you got to see MIL.
I will be praying for strength for you, hubby and all your family.

Oh Maebee, I am so very sorry. I'm so happy that you got to see your Mother in law before she passed away. I know the next few days will be so very hard on you and your family. I'm hoping it doesn't extend to months with Sil acting the way she does, and she tries to use her common sense so everyone can grieve.

Please extend my condolences to your husband also from all of us. We're here for you.

Jackie

Oh Maebee, I am sooooo sorry, but so glad you went to see her, and shared your love with her. That was good for both of you. I have been following your story closely, because it is so similiar to mine, and believe me, you HAVE been in-the-trenches, with your HEART! Who ever cares the most, grieves the most, and that would be you. Be *gentle* with yourself, you were a warrior for your MIL, and imagine if she hadn't had....You???

Keep us posted, as to how you are doing, feeling, faring. I do not look forward to any services either. It will be a nightmare. I know about not giving a hoot about someone elses fellings (your SIL) or health, or anything. My sisters have pretty much ruined my life, over the lack of care for my Mom. I totally, get it.

{{{HUGS}}}

Maebee, I am so sorry for your loss. If there is anything to be thankful for though, it is that you were able to see her once more before she passed.

I know this has been a hard road for you and I'm afraid that with SIL, it may not be over with yet. Please stick close to us.