Joyce,
Hows everything with you and Bill? Haven't heard from you in awhile. Wondering how you both are doing. Update when you can.

Kelly,
How are things going with your Mom? And how are you doing? Update when you can. Thinking of you both.

And Kelly, I read Ambers blog and hear that David and Keslie are expecting. Congratulations my friend! Nothing better than a new baby, and a grandchild to boot. You will love being a grandmother.

Jackie

Hi Jackie,

Thanks for the congratulations, we are more than excited, just cannot believe the blessings heaped on us lately. First grandbaby on the way and then yesterday, 15 yo Taylor got his first buck and David was hired by the police department that he has desired to work for at a better rate of pay than we even thought!!! Went through quite the grilling and background investigation to get there, but many at the dept. know him from his years of volunteering and really like him. It has been quite the 5 months for David! Everyone around here is still on cloud nine about the new baby on the way, Lydia tried to look under Keslie's skirt to "see" the baby!!!

Drywall on the house is just about finished and tape and texture should start when they get their mess cleaned up, and what a mess they made!!! BYW, Amber made 2 new posts today.

Mom is basically doing well. She still wants to come home but I can see when any stress is put on her (like normal life) she responds with flare ups. Dad is planning to bring her home when we get moved in which I do not think will work, but I respect his desire to try and hope I am wrong. I would love to have her home if she can be content.

Our beloved Dr. has been persecuted by some people and has decided to retire instead of continue to fight the system after 6 painful years, so we are having to develop a relationship with a new Dr. Hard to think about after going through so much with this Dr. but the funny thing is that the new Dr. taking over is our neighbor at the new house, right down the street. His step-father who lives on the same property as him, offered to do some tractor work for us, no charge, even though Dad tried to pay him, so he did and boy are we thankful. The Dr. has a great swimming hole and had already given permission for the kids to swim there, wanted to make sure they knew about a really great spot. Our Dr. said this new one knows a lot about AD and will be flexible with us, so we trust he will be able to meet our needs. I met him the other day and really liked him.

The facility mom is in has been good for the most part. A very sweet worker puts on her make-up each day, and we are so thankful for her. I am frustrated that they don't have enough activities to keep her busy, but they just got a new director and she says she will do more, so we'll see. It has been a little frustrating when issues come up knowing how to deal with them because the director says one thing to me and then when I check up on it she hasn't done anything but then says she did, kindof like a game with words. A whole new ballgame and I would prefer not to play those kinds of games. Don't want to make things bad for my mom, but also want things to be good for all the people there. Finally decided it would be best for my dad, the one with the checkbook, to make requests. We do have her name on a waiting list for another good place, so we'll see.


My whole family has really come to love many of the people there. They are so funny, sweet, cranky, goofy and loveable and really love to see us coming with many hugs and kisses. It is hard to leave because many gather round and we talk AD talk and I don't want to leave them, let alone my mom.

Last night the facility had a family dinner so it was really nice to meet the LO's of the people we know there. We don't seem to run into very many while we are there so it was nice to finally meet them. It was also heartbreaking to see a few without any family there at all, I was so sad. 2 of the ladies we always hug and kiss on didn't have anyone there and I was so looking forward to meeting their families. I realize there could of been conflicts with schedules.

I am trying to quickly make decisions on paint colors, wood floor choices, tile and kitchen design so am keeping very busy. My dear husband is getting a much needed break in the fast paced work with the drywallers there so we are all enjoying him being home a bit more in the evenings. Things will really get hopping when they are done and the painting, tiling, flooring, doors, lights and all need done. Whew, makes me tired thinking about it!

Better get back to school. Take care everyone,

~Kelly~

Wanted to say congrats about the new grandbaby on the way and congrats for the good news!!

Kat

Kelly,
thanks for the update. It's seems like your mom is much more content and doing well at the facility. But I can too understand your dads desire to have her in your new home. Who knows, maybe the change of environment, and new surroundings will be just the thing she needs. I think what I would try to do though before she moves with you all in the new home, is to see how her schedule is at the home. What time she eats her meals, what activities she does do, what time she gets to bed etc. Try to get as much info as you can from the home before you bring her to the house. Maybe if you keep her somewhat on the same schedule as they have her on, it might be an easier transition, and the flare ups may not happen. Of course I think you should also wait until your basically settled in before you think of trying it. The activity of the new house and the kids getting use to everything, may just be too much for her.

I know how hard that can be to start all over with another doctor for your mom, but who knows. Maybe this one will be even better. And since you've started a relationship already with him, the transition for your mom won't be as bad, as you'll be able to update him on many things.

Nothing wrong with not wanting to play games with the director. And I think your right about your father probably being the one that should speak up. And of course, keep in mind, from experience with just hospitals of course, a box of candy or a little treat to bring there would probably help too. Seems like when you do that, people seem to think that your not just asking for things, but taking them in consideration for the job that they have to do. I guess you might call it a bribe, but hey, whatever works!!!

I think that that is so nice that the facility has dinners and you get to meet others families. Nice way to help each other kinda keep an eye on their loved ones when they can't always be there. At least this way you have extra eyes, and can help each other with anything they may see that you may not like.

I don't envy you picking out colors and things for your new home. That was the one thing I hated the most when we built this house. Seems like I stuck to alot of beige in things that I could either change later, or just add color too. I wish I had been able to hire an interior decorator, as I was totally confused. So good luck with that, and take it slow. Many things you pick out you have to live with for a long time, and if you hate it, boy is it hard.

Thanks for the updates on your mom and the family. It really sounds like your mom is doing pretty well, and adjusting quite nicely. Makes me have a postive outlook on this as one day I may have to make the same decision.

Take care, and update us again when you can. I have to get over to Ambers blog now and read the new news. Always look forward to that. Thanks for sharing your family with us.

jackie

SO nice to hear from you, Kelly, and I'm
glad all is going well!
Carol

Thanks Kat, Jackie and Carol, you ladies are just wonderful! Thanks, too, for the advice concerning Mom's schedule, Jackie, good things to think about. I left you a comment on our blog, don't know if you saw it though.

Okay, Joyce, we are all waiting to hear from you, how was your trip home, how is Bill faring with the move and settling back in?

Take care all,

~Kelly~

Kelly,

Just saw your comment now. I'm on my way!!?? Read mine!

Jackie

Hi Kelly and Jackie and everyone else here'

We are not home yet Kelly but will be this coming Tuesday. I took Bill to respite on Thursday so I could get the house closed up for the winter and get things ready to leave. I am getting anxious to get back now that I know it's getting close. The neighbors here have already told me to make sure their room is ready because they will be coming down.

Bill is in his wheel chair most of the time. I try to move him into his recliner for part of the day but I have to make sure to get him back into his chair before dinner or else I have to pretty much lift him to move him and I'm getting too old for that. I am building muscles though.

Hospice sent an aide out Thur. morning to help me get him into the car for his trip to respite and when we got to the facility, they brought out one of their wheel chairs and two aides there got him out of the car.
They didn't put him on the AD wing this time. But He really doesn't need it now since there is no way he is going to wander off. I will miss this place when we leave here. He was put in a semi private room with a young man, looks to be in his twenties. He has some type of muscular disease and is unable to move or talk. It was really sad to see someone that young like that.

Hospice will come and pick up his bed and other equipment here and they will make sure that the same equip. is ready and waiting for us when we get back home. Our youngest daughter and her husband will be waiting there when we arrive to help get him out of the car. I hope he doesn't have trouble adjusting to not being here. It will be easier for him to move around there because we have hardwood floors and his chair will move easier. I will have to make sure to block the foyer since it is a step down from the other floor. I've got my gate already to put up.

I need to puree all of his food now except for things that will dissolve in his mouth when he holds it there. Things like cookies or bread products. After a while they get soft enough for him to swollow. His appetite is still good and I have to just stop feeding him or I think he will over do it. Although he did tell me one day that he didn't want any more.
His blood pressure is now fluctuating around the low 90s over 60. Heart rate, pulse and oxygen level is staying good. Not sure about weight loss since I can't weigh him but they will do that while he's in respite.

Kelly, it is good hearing about your mother and your family. It sounds like the house is coming right along. I bet is seems like it's taking forever to finish. A completed new home and a new grandbaby all at the same time should make for a lot of excitment. When I get back home I will give you a call.

Joyce, I have a question about feeding when our LO can't swallow anymore (I'm not there yet, but there is already some difficulty with some foods). Is there something special you are fixing for him or are you taking any kind of food you happen to be having and puree it? Or is it baby food? I'm sorry I sound dumb, but I've been thinking about this.

Howdy2u,

You can do it either way. Regular food tends to taste better -- even when pureed -- than the bland baby food. When my mom started having trouble swallowing I would make her extra thick milk shakes with ice cream and ensure or yogurt and fruit, just to supplement whatever else she would eat. I also bought a product called "Thick It" which is a powder (in a canister, like baby formula) that can be used to make liquids thicker. And, for convenience sake (since she rarely wanted to eat at meal time), toward the end I bought baby food (number 2) for my mom and gave her that. It did get to the point where she choked no matter what I gave her, but that was very near the end.

I'm glad you're asking these questions now, before you MUST have a solution to a problem. So much better for your peace of mind to be prepared.

Howdy2u,
Bill doesn't have a problem choking on food, it's just that he won't swollow it. If he has a small piece in his mouth, he will chew on it for an hour before I can convince him to spit it out. I've found that by pureeing his food he will swollow it. I puree any food I cook. Meat is the biggest problem. But if I puree it, he has no problem. I do puree each food seperately; not just make one big bowl of everything mixed together. By adding gravy or broth to the meat it works better.
Something I've noticed lately is that Bill will eat starting from the left side of his plate and work his way across. (He is left handed, so that's probably why he starts on that side). I will turn his plate every once in awhile so he will eat some of everything on his plate. There are times I have to feed him his entire meat and other times I just give him a few bites and he will take over. Then there are times when I will start to feed him and he will laugh and tell me he can do that himself. When he starts eating, he doesn't stop until the plate is empty. Sometimes I wonder if he even knows when he is full and if he would just keep eating if I kept giving it to him.

Karenlee, I have made ensure milk shakes, also, when Bill goes through the not eating phase. Those times don't happen very often, thank goodness for small favors.

I have been busy getting the house ready to close up for the winter. We keep clothes and food here all year so we don't have to bring them back and forth. Now I'm finding myself thinking I should take more of Bill's clothes back because he probably will not be able to ever come back again. Oh, crap, now I've got myself crying thinking about him not being here again. Change of subject time.

Daughter went to our house down state and turned on the furnace to warm it up and get it ready for us. She said she was going over today to get rid of all the leaves that pile up if front of the gate across the drive so I can get in when we get there. She also removed everything that belonged to our kitty. All food and litter box, I didn't want to walk in and see her things there.
OK I'm over the feel sorry stage, think I will get me a cup of tea now.
Karenlee, I would still like to get together once I get back. Of course, you will have to come to my house. Don't think we could make it your way. Then again maybe I can during a volunteer visit. I'll talk to you when I get back home.

It's so good to hear from you Joyce, glad Bill is doing as well as can be expected right now. Yes, those tears come at the most unexpected times, don't they? You are a good wife to take such good care of Bill, I know he appreciates it and I'm sure your children and grandchildren are inspired by you, I know we all are.

You drive safely on your way home. Glad your daughter will be there to meet you and help you get settled.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

~Kelly~

Karenlee and Joyce, thanks for the info on feeding. I am really trying to prepare myself for things getting worse sooner than later. Mom has had a rather big decline over the past month. Still walking, talking some, able to eat (but I tend to watch her while she is doing that-she is stuffing her mouth full of food before she has swallowed the food she already had in there), toileting herself. Verbally, she is now using words out of context or to everything she just says "I don't know." Now there is trouble dressing, I am helping with that now (not little things like backward clothing, more like putting 2 legs in 1 pant leg).

I had a meltdown this past week and called my brother. I told him she needs to start going to his house for a couple of days every 2 weeks or for a day once a week. It is (as we all know) a 24/7 job to take care of everything and work full time, keep the house semi-clean...he agreed readily and when his mother-in-law goes home to Florida we will start that. She has not been over there since the beginning of August when I went to Orlando and I'm TIRED.

He is also going to at least cut the grass for me before winter sets in. Every time I do make plans to cut it myself, it rains or something else is more important to do and frankly it's really long.

Last night, my brother came to get her to take her to dinner and he said that she has really declined, so I know I'm not crazy.

Joyce,

I would love to come over to your house once you get settled. Please do call me so we can make arrangements. I usually babysit on Tuesdays and Thursdays but M-W-F are usually good.

Every day we live with AD we grieve a little so go ahead and let yourself cry sometimes. It's okay. And I think it's cleansing -- lets us release a little bit of the pressure so we don't explode.

Howdy,

You are extraordinary to be able to do all you are doing and I'm so glad your brother is stepping up and willing to help out. Take whatever time you can get and pamper yourself during your time off. You deserve it!!

Howdy2u,
You can come over, also, when I get home. You, Karenlee and I aren't too far apart. Are you able to take your mother place still? She can come, too. Who knows, maybe she and Bill will be able to talk to each other. When I picked him up from respite the first time, he was talking with one of the other men there. Not sure what that conversation went like, but they seemed to be content with each other.
I think I have your telephone numbers, but if both of you would send me a PM giving it to me again, I will call as soon as we get settled. Company plays a big part in keeping your spirits up. When my sister was here for a few days, she didn't do much of the physical work in caring for Bill, but it made a big difference just having her there to talk to.
I may even bake a cake if I know you are coming.

Deb, we could try to set up something on a day you visit your mother. The pasties were pretty good the last time you were over. I may even have an extra one you could take home to DH.

I will pick Bill up around 9 tomorrow and that should get us home before 1. Hospice assured me that they would have a bed and wheelchair there when we get there. Either our daughter or neighbor will be there when they come.
As much as I hate leaving here, I'm looking forward to getting back home. The neighbors here told me to keep their bedroom ready because they will be coming down.