For those caregivers whose LO's have passed, have you had any increase in health related problems or maybe just an overall increase in problems?

Mother passed away not quite 3 months ago. Since then I have had 2 UTI's, tripped and fractured my elbow, spent 2 months getting twice weekly physical therapy/massage treatment for lower back and leg pain, increase in insomnia behaviors, increase in isolation and crying, at least 30 pound increase in weight, iincrease in depression symptoms, and now have laryingitis and flu-like symptoms for which I started antibiotics today. (Footnote #1: sounds like I went through and answered yes to almost every question about depression in the lobby magazine! ) (Footnote #2: while Mother was living, I was never sick, very focused, never felt lost or without direction, spiritually underwent tremendous growth and understanding! )

Other than the above, life isn't soooooo bad! I made a carrot cake with cream cheese icing (all box stuff) two days ago. Not like homemade but tastes okay because I added a lot of fresh carrots and pecans. I wonder how long it will take one person to eat an entire 9"X13" cake. Aha, now I see where the 30 plus pounds are coming from!

I'm guessing after 4 and 1/2 years doing 24/7, I'm just run down and it's going to take a while to get my life going on the right track and body back in some kind of shape. I joined the gym this week but haven't gone due to being sick. I'm taking a 3 or 4 day trip with my sister next week. I'm in touch with my friend about starting a business for seniors. So, I'm making myself start doing something..........just a little slow coming out of the chute but I'll get to the finish line one of these days.

Anyone else riding this kind of roller coaster and if so, what are you doing to get off the ride?

Joyce

First of all, about the cake. In my experience, it takes 4 days to eat a 9x13 cake.

I've only been sick once since Helen passed and it only lasted 24 hours. This was the first time I was sick in about 5 years. I don't think I ever allowed myself to feel sick before. Ther just wasn't time.

As for the emotions. Most of the time, I am OK. Then this wave of saddness will hit me out of the blue. I have even sat in the casino at a slot machine and started crying for no reason. This Sunday is the Alzheimer's walk and I am really looking forward to it, but when I think about the fact that it also is Helen's birthday, I just want to crawl in a hole. I think this is all normal.

I really think you are doing all the right things. Joining the gym, getting this project going, these are great things. The emotions are going to continue to hit us for quite awhile. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other when this happens and try like Hell not to slide into depression.

Now don't forget, if things ever get too rough, the porch light is still on for you.

Joyce,
Even if you had those problems when you were taking care of your Mom, you probably never had the time to notice. I think it's the adrenaline thing. We push and push, and go from morning til night. Then comes a time when we can finally rest, and bingo, the body goes into overload and all the poison in it that we didn't have time for before finally festers.

Geez take care of yourself, please. I know what will make you feel better? Can you take my Mom for a few weeks so I can get sick?

Love,
jackie

Joyce,
I think my body went into overdrive as well and then kinda crashed and burned after I lost Mom. I didn't have much time to think and then Dad died and I have noticed a few things. Sore throat (I think that is from smoking too much though for me), depression, kinda spacy in the brain, stuff like that but nothing really serious. I am just glad my migraines and FMS have been kept at bay.

Seriously, I have never had to watch a LO die. I have watched others die in my line of work as a medic but no one close to me like my folks. It is going to have a significant affect on a person to witness that. We can never expect to be the same again. I think what we are all going through is completely normal and we should afford ourselves the time to be gentle with ourselves and find peace where we can. We have been traumatized emotionally and we owe it to ourselves to now be our own caregivers in order to heal. Our LO's would want that for us, this I am certain. I am positive they are watching over us and helping us through as best they can.

Dear Joyce,
We all put so much effort (and love) into caregiving for our Loved Ones, that we just "carry on regardless", putting ourselves last in the equation. We find the strength to do this from I really don't know where.

When finally we have seen this through to the inevitable end, it is no wonder that our bodies react in this way and throw up hidden health problems, as we are no longer so focused and notice what is happening to ourselves more.

Personally I developed a very painful shingles 3 years before my Father passed away in 2000, and to this day still have the remnants of this. I still have trouble sleeping (not always) and now at 65 am just so glad that I no longer have to make the effort to find a job in this difficult world today and can just help voluntarily where I can.

Still very early days Joyce my dear, it takes a long time for the 24/7 caring to become a memory. My husband and I still talk about those days when we had both his Mother and my Father to care for.

Caregiving like this changes us for ever and makes us better people.

God Bless you all my friends, and I would only say that eventually life does find a pattern again, with new lives coming to lift us up and help us renew ourselves.

Thank you, my friends, for your kind words and input - right on target!

Each response made me realize I am still "too different" from the "normal" folks to really fit in right now.

I think in my attempt to re-engage in the world I failed to acknowledge the scope of my caregiving days and Mother's passing at home. Maybe in all this I feel if I talk about the toll of caregiving others will think I did it because I had to and not out of love. Not that it matters what others may think because for those of you who know me, you know each step of that journey was taken with love. It was my choice. I suppose others may know that, but you understand and feel that - a big difference.

Lori, I, too, wasn't sick or getting injured from September 2002 to August 2007 except for the anxiety attacks last summer. Probably the healthiest I had been as an adult. But I am certainly making up for it now.

Snick, thanks for reminding me of some of those final moments, not that I had forgotten. From beginning to end, those 52 minutes are forever etched into my brain and memory. The thing I find odd is that it was such a spiritual, peaceful time and transition, and now I seem to have lost my spiritual direction. Of course, having had Mother as my spiritual guide my whole life may have something to do with that.

And my dear Patricia, thank you for putting things in perspective and helping me once again know in my heart there truly is a future transition for me in this part of the journey.

Now, Jackie, think about our mindsets: as active caregivers, we want time to sleep and be sick! In the old days, I would have wanted time to party and have a good time. Can we really change that much?

Oh, btw, Lori, I need to compress the 4-day eating time to 3 or less days because I have enough fresh eggs left to make 4 more cakes before the egg expiration date of 11/16/07. If that sounds strange, just know that my cooking experience suggests EVERYTHING gets trashed on its expiration date!

Thanks for listening and being here for me.

Love, thoughts and prayers to each of you,

Joyce

Dear all,

I am still too new in this phase of the journey to have experienced much of what you describe. I'm beginning to think I am still numb, even though mom passed here at home and I KNOW she's really gone.

I do feel isolated and alone, and keep wondering why other people can go about their normal business when nothing is normal for me. I tend to wander around the house or immerse myself is mindless computer games so that I don't have to think about mom and what I'm no longer doing. Otherwise, all my thoughts seem to be centered around her, and how terribly much I miss her.

I do know that eventually this, too, shall pass. It's truly a matter of getting from here to there, and I know that takes time. I'm in no hurry, and will just take each day as it comes until things start to change.

You are all so wonderful and supportive and it is my honor to count you as friends.

No experience here Joyce. Just thinking of you, wishing you the best and totally drooling over the carrot cake!

I don't mean to horn in on this thread since it doesn't apply to my situation, but I wanted all to know how much I appreciate the sharing of this part of the journey also. It helps a lot because I have such mixed feelings about the inevitable end. So THANK YOU!