I have been away with my band again, and my mother was covering for me here at the house for the last three weeks. She's been a stressed mess any time she had to take over in the past but she did a lot better this time because we have some help coming in three days a week now.

Laurette's AD is seeming to pick up speed. In the last three weeks there are a few more tasks we've crossed off the list. We try to keep her as independent and high functioning as possible, but when things become too difficult or frustrating for her we take over. In just a few weeks a few more little things disappeared. By themselves they're not significant, but loosing one take or one routine every week is significant. It's so much easier to see the big picture when I'm away for a bit.

I'm still amazed at how well she copes with her situation. She's never dealt with any of the anger, depression, frustration, etc, that most AD patients do. She's almost always docile and content. Even in her limited state she's still an amazing lady and I'm lucky to be caring for her.

I guess when you are around the person everyday the changes are so gradual that you don realize what is happening. All of a sudden you stop and think "Oh, when did they start doing that?" or "When did they stop doing that?"

Jezza,

My mom also avoided a lot of the AD "traps" and for the most part was also content and cooperative. From what I have read here that alone makes a big difference for the caregiver...............

As for the losses, they do add up, and I remember feeling so sad because I knew she would never relearn how to do those things.

I want to add you are an amazing young man, Jezza, and Laurette is very lucky to have you in her life.

I agree. You are someone I would love to have as my a relative should I develop ALZ like Laurette.

I don't believe I would have been willing to care for a LO with AD when I was your age. I was so immature it's pitiful to think about what I was like back to being your age, Jezza.

Back to the main point, I have begun noticing changes in my clients... I'm not there every day, and when it is my turn/day to be with them, I notice something else that they can't seem to grasp and do... both physically and mentally.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree! You're pretty amazing yourself, the way you handle it all. And quite a role model to us all. I'm sorry to hear of her decline. Glad you have help though.

It's so heartbreaking to see them lose ability. I wondered if I was taking away what little independence my Mom has left, for example, by going ahead and feeding her. I wanted her to try, but seeing her struggle and get confused was, well, too much for either of us to have an appetite. She tries so hard with everything she does. I can't imagine how her mind must never rest, even facing a challenge just to eat.

I think we can give them a little peace BY taking over sometimes. And, you know, it's okay.

The only thing constant about this disease is change. It's hard to see someone you love unable to preform tasks that were once taken for granted.
I agree that you are an amazing person for even taking on this responsibility. I think you and Laurette are lucky to have each other. I am in awe that someone your age would take care of a grandparent.

Yes, every change makes your heart skip a beat.

Before I left she could put dishes away. Today she went to bed furious at me because she had such a frustrating time trying to help. I had to keep correcting her and she kept taking offense. The only way to keep her happy is to let her do whatever she wants all the time, and I can't let her do that. Besides, even that won't work sometimes.

I don't want to simply remove tasks from her life, replacing something with nothing. Whenever possible I replace things with something easier, but sometimes I really just need her to sit still and not try to get involved. I guess eventually I'll be wishing she could still cause trouble...

YOU are not removing tasks from her life, Hon, this damn disease is. It's frustrating for her and for us, period. Nothing knocks us to our knees quicker than blaming ourselves, especially when they actually get mad "at" us. But they have to get that frustration out somehow, and we're a pretty handy outlet.

You will never be replacing something with nothing. You will always find a way, through a little trial and error, what she CAN do that will make her feel she still contributes to running the household and that's what you'll focus on (with all the positivity you can muster).

Kitchen cabinets are overwhelming and even the noise of it all can sometimes be a trigger for them. I know what you mean by sometimes we're rushed and just want the dishes done. Other times we have a little more patience at the moment.

If I wanted my Mom out of the way, I'd have her sit at the table and make out a grocery list, or remove all the silverware from the drawer tray and wipe it out (I've never understood how that thing gets dirty, ha). Or I'd line up all the cups on the counter and have her just do them. Standing at one cabinet at eye level was less confusing than the hubbub of all the walking back and forth.

You'll find what satisfies you both. Every day is different. Try not to be hard on yourself.

Jezza,

I have to say you are one of the most caring grandsons I've known. Never feel guilty for what is happening. You are doing all that you can and I admire you for it.
The road ahead will only get harder, but you will always do what has to be done.

As for the dishes, That was the one job that Bill always wanted to do. At first I was hesitant because he would wash the dishes with cold water and no soap. The glasses would be so greasy on the outside that you couldn't see through them. It would bother me so much that I didn't want him near the sink. That went on until it finally sunk in that he just wanted to help me. Many times after that, I would go in after he went to bed and remove the dishes from the cabinet and rewash them.
It wasn't long enough that he soon lost interest in the dishes and would sit at the table while I did them. As long as I would talk to him he would be content to just watch. You're right when you said you'd soon wish she would be causing trouble, I'd love to have those dirty dishes in the cabinets again.

Hang in Jezza.