Oh Maebee, I am so very sorry. I'm so happy that you got to see your Mother in law before she passed away. I know the next few days will be so very hard on you and your family. I'm hoping it doesn't extend to months with Sil acting the way she does, and she tries to use her common sense so everyone can grieve.

Please extend my condolences to your husband also from all of us. We're here for you.

Jackie
_________________
Friends witness sadness and catch tears with tenderness.

Maebee,

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Anita

I am so sorry to her about your mother--I remember all the advice you gave to me 4sisters and m4 about our Dad--you and yours are in our thoughts and prayers--try to remember all of the good times and keep those memories close to your heart...............christy.4sisters

I am so sorry for your loss Maebee.

Although my situation is not the same, I care for both my FIL and MIL and was told by the doctor this week that my FIL probably has less than a year left. I will be heartbroken.

Dear Maebee,

You are so strong for everyone else.

I pray for God to hold you extra close.

Bless your dear MIL and may she be in perfect peace.

Maebee, I too am so sorry for your loss. I have faith that you will be able to attend the services, without problem. Your MIL knew then, and knows now that you love her. And really, that is all that matters! You are in my prayers. May you find peace and happiness in your memories of your MIL. Now that she has joined loved ones in Heaven, her love will be with you eternally! Hold your head high, Maebee, you done good!

SHAME, SHAME, SHAME on your SIL for all of these problems - She could have let your MIL have all who loved her be a part of the twilight of her life and she alone will be judged for her choices in the last years.

Maebee I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts. I hope you will find out what is going on with your SIL and everything works out so that you will be able to pay your respects.

Dearest Maebee:
I am so sorry to read of the loss of your beloved MIL. Please know you & your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you tender hugs and prayers

Pat

Dear Maebee,

I'm so sorry. Words fail me.
I wish I cold be like you or Mum with ready, soothing words of kindness and patience. I get tongue-tied and twisted.

I can only think of/and thank you for ALL the good you have done. You are always there for people ... your MIL, for me, for everyone on the boards.
You always fight for whats right. You don't make fun-of or belittle people if they get 'too emotional' or 'too sensitive'- like some who shall remain nameless.
You care, you listen, you give help when and where you can.

Please take care of yourself, your hubby and the Big One and the Little One. I know your MIL is at peace and watching and thanking you.

Peace
Eileen

Dear Maebee and family,

Susan M. and Sky sent me e-mails to let me know that your MIL passed away. Please accept my deepest heartfelt sympathy. I am so sorry to hear of all that has taken place before her passing. I read your posts last night and I'm sorry that I didn't reply last night I was in tears and my heart just breaks for you all!!! I'm glad that you were able to see her and hold her hand before the Lord welcomed her to her heavenly home. Try to remember that your MIL was never alone. The Lord was with her. Thanks be to God for that. I know that it's hard to understand why God allows terrible things to happen to His faithful children. I think that part of the reason is in order for us to share in Jesus Christ's suffering on the cross. Why would our lives be without suffering when Jesus who was without sin, paid the ultimate price for our sin debt, in order for us to share a joyful eternal life in heaven with our God. My Mama always said that hell is on earth. That's not Biblical, but it sure seems like it could be, doesn't it?

As far as your SIL. Pray for her and ask God to have mercy on her soul. Forgive her of her tresspasses, as God forgives us of ours--- just like Jesus prayed in the Lord's prayer, so that you may have the peace that surpasses all understanding. I have some idea what you've been through the past few years and I know when I was able to Ask God to Help me, [because there's no way I could do it on my own] to forgive those who tresspassed against my Mama and our family, that God answered my prayers and granted me peace. That was the first stumbling block I needle to get past so that I could move forward with a sound mind to finish the race so to speak. Also, I think it would be good to contact the states Ombusdsman at the nursing home, and Patient Advocate at the hospital that your MIL was at and voice your concrerns about your MIL's care. I would also request an investigation [if needed through the Sheriff's dept.] APS is a waste of time as far as I'm concerned but it may be worth taking the time to call anyway. You may want to consult an attorney before your MIL's Will is in Probate and perhaps bring your concerns to the court? I hope that you do not mind that I am writing this in this post.

Maebee, I know that you did Everything you possibly could in your beloved Mom's [mil] best interests. I know how difficult it is to fight against someone who has undue influence over a comprimised person and DPOA. DO NOT beat yourselves up thinking about the shoulda, woulda, could haves. There is no guarantee that going to the Probate court would have reversed this situation. I've had a APS socialworker tell me that. Above all, remember that God is just. Ecclesiates 12:14 For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.

I'm so sorry for your loss. God bless you.

I will keep you all in my prayers.
May Father God and the Lord Jesus help you through this difficult time and grant you peace.

Gracebe with you.
marcie

Maebee, dear heart,

I just heard the news and I wanted to express my sincerest sympathies in your loss of your MIL! I KNOW first hand how gut wrenching it is to have another family member hold your loved one hostage in ALL shapes and forms and how utterly painful that can be. As hard as it is, I STILL cry in the loss in my mother and my mind goes over and over all of the "Should have's", etc. But at the end of the day, know that you contributed SO much love to your MIL and she gave ALL of her loved ones the same. She knows ALL that you did for her to enrich her life and you gave her such a wonderful - wonderful gift of unconditional love! She is finally FREE of the bonds of her AD life and is very happy now. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

Sending you loving hugs. . .

Connie

Maebe:

I send you my deepest condolensences ---- it was just last week that I read about the turmoils you were going thru just to find out where she was....am saddened to learn of her passing...take care my friend...you were aways so wonderful with what I was going thru...prayers will be said you for you and your family....

love xxoo
karen

Well, I am so exhausted. It has been a day of emails, phone calss to florist, funeral home(FH), cemetery, etc., etc. To make plans??? NO. To find out what the arrangements are!!! Then SHE has Mom's pastor to call us with a "final schedule", which had changed since we had sent out emails to over 30 people, I had written an obituary for Mom's local paper(SIL wasn't going to have one), and notified several people via phone. I had to find out from the florist which arrangements she had purchased, so I could order ours. She just gave us a list of the flowers used.

The pastor wanted us to try and covince her to not have so many services. She is having one at the FH(1hour), the church service, a chapel service at the cemetery, and a service at the grave. We will be going from noon on, on Wed., and from 9am to into the afternoon Thurs. No wake. Nothing. Oh yeah, therer will be coffee and baked goods at the church at 9am. Have you ever gone to a church service at 9am?? Especially since the actual funeral service isn't until 11???

Every time I turn around, it is something. We had just sat down to dinner, when Hubby and I realized the FH service had been changed, and we had to contact everyone again. She is trying to close the FH earlier, not giving time for Hubby's coworkers to visit. He has worked there for over 23 years, and he is a much loved boss. When his Brother died, the entire mechanic crew came in as a group.

Sooo, I am exhausted. I wanted to try to get to Joyce's tomorrow, but with all of this and the Xanax, I can't drive.

It is nice to "tal" to y'all though.

I'll be back in the morning.
Sleep tight!

maebee-
I am so sorry to hear about your beloved MIL. Prayers and peace to you.

Why is SIL wanting to have so many services? Is she trying to get her money's worth for the flowers or something? Sorry, but it is the pastors job to steer the family through the service process, not to place more stress on the family by having you talk SIL down from whatever tree she is perched on. The pastor should be laying down the law about all these services and the wacky times SIL has set up. It seems as though he has given up much of his control over this situation and he is going to play hell trying to get it back.

Typically in the town I live in in IL, we have the visitation the evening before for a couple of hours. The next day, we have the funeral, then we go to the gravesite and then we go back to the church and have the funeral luncheon if there is one provided. By then, the bereaved family is beat and needs to go home and regroup. In general, funerals are like weddings in a way. People attend them but they don't wish to be consumed with them. I would say to have the service at 11 with coffee and rolls afterward if you want to do that and let it be. You all are going to be emotionally and physically drained (and you are already) to be doing anymore than that. You could do a visitation the night before or even an hour or two before the service. Those are just my thoughts. If SIL isn't willing to bend, please don't feel obligated to attend everything. It's totally acceptable to do what you can during this time. And to have the least exposure to SIL would be top priority in my book.

Try to keep one important thing in mind. MIL is at peace now and is probably laughing her butt off at all this silliness. Whatever is done, not done, who sees who or cannot come at the appointed time doesn't change the most important thing: your love for your MIL and how much she loved you as well. Everything else is just secondary. No one can ever ruin that for you...ever.