I got the call at 9:50 from the Hospice on call nurse. She was called in earlier because my mother had been responsive at dinner time but when an aide checked on her she was unresponsive. The nurse went in and checked her vitals and then my sweet mother took her last breath and was gone. I can't sleep. My little boy, who stayed at the neighbor's while I went to meet my sibs and the mortuary people at the ALF can't sleep and here I am again, now on the other side of the caregiving fence.

I've cried but now I'm numb again and overwhelmed with all that will need to be done.

I know there was a checklist on the other site - can anyone help me find it. I have little clarity right now.

Joanie,
I come here first thing every morning to see how everyone is. The first thing I saw was your post. I am so sorry for your loss.
Your little boy is worrying about you in his own way. He can sense that you are hurting and is also hurting for you. He will be ok, again just take things one day at a time. We are use to that,aren't we?
Don't worry about what needs to be done, it will get done. I'll go over and see if I can locate the checklist, I'm not the best at finding things, but I'll try for you.

I will also be praying for you and your family that God will give you the strength you need in the next few days and weeks. Your mother is now with Him and looking down on you. You have a lot of people here who are willing to help anyway they can.

Now I'll go look for that checklist. Cry all you want, it does seem to help. Hug you little boy .

Joanie,
I think this is the list you are referring to:

Originally posted by Twice Blessed:
Notify Immediately

1. The doctor or doctors
2. The funeral director
3. The cemetery
4. All relatives
5. All friends
6. Employer of deceased
7. Employers of relatives missing work
8. Insurance agents (life, health, etc.)
9. Organizations (religious, civic, etc.)
10. Newspapers for obituary

Decide and Arrange Immediately

11. Select funeral director
12. Select cemetery
13. Purchase burial property
14. Select casket
15. Select vault
16. Arrange type of service (military, etc.)
17. Decide location of services
18. Select clergy to officiate
19. Provide information for eulogy
20. Select flowers
21. Arrange for music and visitation
22. Select memorial
23. Provide obituary to newspaper
24. Answer calls, messages, and letters
25. Get addresses for thank you cards
26. Meet with funeral director
27. Check and sign burial permit
28. Arrange for special memorial services
29. Check the will for special wishes
30. Order death certificate
31. Look after house and children

Secure Vital Statistics All of this information is required for the Death Certificate issued by the Board of Health:

32. Name, home address, & telephone
33. How long in state
34. Name of business, address, & phone
35. Occupation and title
36. Social Security Number
37. Veteran’s Serial Number
38. Date of birth
39. Place of birth
40. U.S. citizenship
41. Father’s name
42. Father’s birthplace
43. Mother’s maiden name
44. Mother’s birthplace
45. Religious name (if any)

Collect Documents
All of this information is required to establish rights for insurance, pension,Social Security, etc:

46. Funeral certificate
47. Deed to burial property
48. Will
49. Legal proof of age or birth certificate
50. Social Security card or number
51. Marriage license
52. Citizenship papers
53. Insurance policies (life, health, etc.)
54. Bank books
55. Deeds to property
56. Bill of sale of car
57. Income tax returns, receipts, checks
58. Veteran’s discharge certificate
59. Disability and pension claims

Pay For The Following

60. Funeral Services
61. Memorials
62. Casket, vault, endowed care
63. Burial plot, mausoleum, or niche
64. Opening and closing
65. Clergy
66. Church or temple
67. Transportation .

Oh Joanie I am so sorry to read about your Mom. I pray that God gives you the strength that you and your family needs during this time. God Bless and Be With You.

thank you joyce for finding that. I thought it was from Shirley but I wasn't sure. I remember she posted so many helpful things for caregivers. Thankfully my little guy finally went to sleep, and so did I, for a few hours anyway. I'm hoping he'll sleep really late this morning - he is heartbroken. I moved back in with my mom while I was in my last month of pregnancy after my husband died and she's been a major part of his life since day 1. For a very long time it was the 3 of us at home.

Thank you, my other family, many of whom I've corresponded with for about 3 years, for being here - then and now.

Joanie, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. Please accept my sympathies. Take care and know we are here for you.

Joanie,

I wish to add my condolences, too. It is never easy when our LO's die. Take things one hour or or one day at a time, dear.

Come here often to let us know how you and your son are coping. We care.

Joanie,

Please accept my condolences to you and your family. Losing your Mother is so hard. Peace to you and your son and I will keep you all in my prayers.

Dearest Joanie. I am so glad you found your way bak to us, especially at this time. I am so sorry for your loss. This board is unusal in a way, that 90% of the folks here have been through what you are going through right now. They have loved their LO's to the end, whether with Hospice at home, or in a Nursing Home or ALF. They stay here to help...us? I have not lost my Mom, but after traveling this journey, for at least three years, on these boards, the last stage of this disease, is the most painful, for everyone, including the patient, so maybe your Mother, and even your Son & yourself was saved from that long wait. We are never ready t say Good-Bye.

Please know that you & your family will be in my prayers, and everyone here will pray for you, and help you through this difficult time.

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. If there is anything I can do for you please let me know. There will be lots of different emotions in the days and months ahead. Allow yourself the time to heal.

Oh Joanie, I am so very sorry to hear about your Mom. I know how heartbreaking this must be for you. We're here for you dear friend. We will help you through this in anyway we can.

And thank you so much for thinking of us as your other family. God be with you.

Jackie

Joanie-
I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I am right there in Riverside, I'm off track and I'm at your disposal if you should need ANYTHING. If I can help, email me at skowens95@yahoo.com
Take care and God bless you and your family at this very difficult time.
Sandy O

Joanie, So sorry to hear about your Mother. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
northernlights

Thinking of you today sweetie.

You are all so wonderful! We went to Forest Lawn today to make arrangements for Mom's cremation and interment of her ashes in the niche where my Dad's ashes are. It was hard for us (brother and I) but Mom, in her usual way, had convinced Dad to buy the property way back in the 60s and we're having the memorial service at our church so I just had to pay for the taking care of her physical body. Her planning way back when probably saved us thousands of dollars today!

I find myself vacillating between peacefulness and incredible sorrow. But I understand these emotions because I felt them when my Dad passed away. So now I have to make sure the church is available on the date we've chosen, already secured our pastor, and then plan the memorial. My son is having moments where he just starts crying and I've let him know that it's okay and natural and to just be with it - it time those moments are spread further apart.

Sandy, it's comforting to know you're so close and wiling to support me. Fortunately for me I'm on spring break next week so I can take my time with my grief. I've been totally taken care of by my friend and neighbor who accompanied me to Mom's last doctor's appointment, drove me out to her when she passed and took care of dinner for us last night. But if I need you I will let you know!

I love you all. Now I must try to sleep - back to taking the sleeping pills to try to escape reality for a stretch.

joanie