My Mother, bless her heart, still knows not to leave BAD news on a Voice Mail, she had called, after I went to bed, and turned off my phone (fairly new behavior for me!) so I called her first thing this morning. My Dad died last night, that is all I know. We all hope our loved ones go quickly & painlessly, once they are in the hospice program, but still, it hurts.

Last night, it was weird. I have these HUGE Panda Bear slippers, like stuffed animals you stuff your foot into? I had given them to my Dad, during one of his surgeries (there were soooo many) and he was in what they called an ICU delerium, and said they were scary? He took them home, and a year or two later, he gave them to me, kind of like an olive branch, (I was wearing them last night? I NEVER wear them?) you see, my Dad was not demonstrative when it came to love, he had only told me twice, once was the last time I saw him, less the a week ago.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad that I played P.I. and jumped over the symbolic barbed-wire fences, to see my Dad, one last time. You see I KNEW, it would be on this last trip, or never again. I'm sure that is why it was so emotional for me.

I had a therapist once, that told me that I had a great gut, or intuition, but why didn't I trust it? I will trust it now.

Thanks you guys; for always holding my hand, from afar.

So sorry to hear about the loss of your father Sky. It's such a gift when we can hear a loved one that hasn't spoken any sense for so long say I love you with meaning. Always trust your intuition it's a sense that is very real and was given to us for direction in times of dissonance. My prayers to you and your family. I'm leaving a quote for you on words of inspiration.

Thank You Aitan, I love Kahil. I just got an E-Mail, from my Uncle, (he is a retired physician) stating that the cause of death was Uremia. I looked it up, and it makes since, somone, supposidly my Father, refused dyialisis (spelling) after just a few treatments. I knew that would be a death sentence for him, and probably why I tried so hard to see him. Also, his wife is having him cremated, and no services....whatsoever? Like *Poof* he is gone, never existed? She really creeps me out. I wonder if she will even write an obit? Scary woman.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad, Sky, but I am very glad that you got to see him when you were in Ca.

Don't be concerned about the cremation and no service. That's exactly what my niece did for my brother. I think she knew that there was no way I or either of my sisters could get there for a service. Also I know that there was no life insurance and she couldn't afford any type of service. Since I couldn't be there for a service, I'm glad she decided the way she did.

I bet those panda bear slippers felt pretty good last night.

Thank-You Joyce. I am still in shock? I never lost a parent yet. So much runs through your mind? It is so final. Yes, The Panda Bear Slippers, I will keep forever now. I am forever grateful, that that CNA 'let' me in to see him? I didn't catch her name tag, it was so emotional, but I will try to find her & Thank her. She was like a knowing angel.

My Dad just started to attend church, after 40 years of being an atheist. That brings me some relief as well.

I might write an obit, for the town he grew up in. Oklahoma City. I don't think she will post one. And I think I know why. There may be good reasons to be so secretive about ones death, but I have no doubt, that her reasons, are not good. My Dad had the money, she wanted all of it, and now she has it. Seems pretty selfish not to spend my Dad's money on his own funeral services, even just a small one, for her & her family only, but you do not know this woman.

They have only been married for two years. They got married the night before the closing on our Million Dollar home, but I suppose that was just a coinsidence.

Sky,
I am so very sorry about your loss. Please accept my sympathies.

Anita

Thank-You-Anita, you are so very kind.

I am so sorry sweetie. It is never easy losing a parent.

Thank-You Lori I had a hair appointment today, I tried to cancel, but she said "Oh, you just come in, it will just be me & you, and it will make you feel better, to have a new hair-cut" Of course, I burst into tears. I will bring an entire box of kleenex. She is soooo sweet, she is a Morman, but is best friends, with my Pastors wife! Go figure!

I'll be posting some really neat old photos of my Dad, on my Blog. I am so glad t have them!

N.Mc.

Dearest Sky,

I am saddened to learn of your father's death. You have my deepest sympathy.

Your "gut" led you correctly, and you were able to see him and say goodbye. That's a blessing you will always have.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

((((((((((gentle hugs))))))))))

Oh Sky,

I am so sorry for your loss. Whenever a parent dies, no matter what the circumstances it rocks our world. You were blessed to listen to your heart and have the chance to see him
one last time. I've been following your postings and your blog forever, and all I can come up with is I am truly sorry and please accept my condolences.

We will keep you and your family in our prayers; know that you are a wonderful daughter and a wonderful person. And keep those slippers.

My deepest sympathies to you, Nancy. I know it is never without pain and sadness when we have to let go of someone we love, especially a parent. I'm glad you had that special time with your Dad. And I am particularly happy for you that you have his special slippers.

My thoughts and prayers to you,

Joyce

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. If it helps, dialysis is a tough thing for a person who is very sick to go through - I can understand why he would refuse it. As far as funeral services, I guess everyone is different. If you would feel better posting an obit, please do so.

I know that when mom goes we are not planning a service at all. Any friends that might have attended a funeral certainly aren't tending to her in life, and a funeral would be more for them than for her (and I'm not giving them the time of day).

Oh Nancy, please accept my sympathies on the loss of your dad. It is a blessing you were able to see him this last trip. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. It's devastating to lose a parent.

Dear Nancy,

I'm so sorry to hear of your Dad's passing. It's never easy when a parent dies. I can't think of anything to say except I've been there with the loss of my dad over 17 years ago.

At least you know that he's out of pain, and in the Lord's loving arms, now.

My prayers are with you and your Mom as you mourn his passing.