I don't know much about this disease and I am trying to learn as much as possible. Even though my father has yet to be diagnosed the doctors feel like he is in the early stages and we are about to get the CAT, and PET scans done. My father has always had trouble remembering names, so that isn't a symptom that is scaring me, but he has started showing other signs. I am wondering what the signs were that made you all aware that your friends or family may have Alzheimers. My father has recently forgoten how to get to the softball field that he has been playing at for four years, and had to have my mother drive him. He is also one of those people that would never give out his personal information, he even fought with his credit card company when they wanted his social security number. Now he is recieving emails from Nigeria telling him he is getting an inheritance and that he needs to send $900, and thinking that it is real. He constantly repeats things to us, and talks about a patent that he has recieved at nausium. I am pretty sure that he has Alzheimers, but I just wanted to hear from you all how you started to notice the symptoms and hopefully in a wierd way it will make me feel better about forcing my father to go through these tests, so that we can start treating him and hopefully help him understand it isn't a normal aging process.

bkorea,
I haven't seen you here before, welcome aboard.

The first things I noticed with my husband was forgetting names of relatives, then he started forgetting where the store is. We've lived in the same house for 35 years and the store was less than a good walk away. I think next it was changing clothes and showering. Both of these things switched from daily to every few days and then only when I ask him to.

Get the test done and get started on the meds. They won't cure him but in the early stages they can make a difference. He may never understand that there is something wrong. Bill never talked about having AD but he did at times comment that he didn't know what was wrong with him because he was never like this before.

Whatever happens, you just be there for your dad and never forget to tell him you love him and give him as many hugs as you can.

You brought up another question that I have. I want to sit down with him and try to explain to him what we have seen that has changed, to see if he see's it in himself. I want him to understand what is going to happen and why we are doing what we feel is necessary. Is there anyway to get someone that is completely stubborn in the first place to understand the changes they are going through aren't normal. My dad is a fighter, and the last thing I want is a fight with him now when he can try to comprehend what is happening to him.

bkorea,

I never saw any reason to have a sitdown talk with Bill, my husband. We had gone through AD with his mother and he knew what was going to happen whether he ever accepted it or not. I guess it depends on the individual. If I was diagnosed with AD, I know what the prognosis is and to sit and have people tell me what was coming wouldn't help me at all. I always told Bill he had a memory problem and never told him after the diagnosis that it was AD. The doctor told him when he was diagnosed, but that was really the last time we really said anything more than memory. We did discuss what we needed to do to prepare for the future. We saw an elder law attorney to get our financial matters in order.
He knew that he was forgetting things and I could see the frustration he was going through trying to remember. I kept telling him that I would always be there for him and answer his questions when he wanted to know.
One of the things I did almost from the beginning was when we saw someone I would always say "Oh, Tom is here" That way he knew the person's name without me saying "Do you remember him". In the beginning he would meet the person at the door and say "HI, Tom". By the time we sat down he had probably forgotten but it made him and the person coming in feel good that he knew their name.
Many times when people were around and talking he would look at me as if to ask "Is that true" and I would either nod my head or shake my head and he knew if they were joking.

I don't think it does any good to keep telling the person what is going to happen. Why make them feel worse than they already feel. If they ask a question, then answer it. But don't feel it necessary to keep reminding them. I know some feel differently, but this worked for us and I wouldn't change it if I had to go back.

We never told my mother she had AD. She wondered where her mind went at times and we humored her along. I think deep down inside she knew though. She had taken care of my grandparents for years, my grandpa having AD. My mother was very frightened about what was happening to her and she didn't need any of us telling her about it. We just took care of her and loved her until she died in our home, almost two years ago, now.

Hang around the board and read the topics. You will get a lot of valuable information there. And please ask your own questions too. Welcome and we hope to hear more from you again.

The first thing I noticed with Helen was getting lost. She played cards at the same peoples house at least 3 times a week and couldn't remember how to get there. She also got to a point where she had to have complete silence when playing cards or she couldn't concentrate. Then there were a couple minor traffic accidents.

Although Helen knew what the diagnosis was, as far as she was concerned it was a memory problem. I never explained to her what AD was going to do to her. I didn't think she needed to know any of that. I didn't want her to be afraid of what was down the line.

It's going to be a long hard road ahead for you and your family. Please stick around and let us walk you through it. Come here and ask questions, vent, cry or just talk about whatever you want to. We are a small but caring family here. Welcome to the family.

Welcome to the forum, you have a wonderful set of resources here with all of the information and friends you will make.

So here is part of our story. AD causes them to do very strange things as well. My first indication with mom was that she was more agitated, argumentative, frustrated, paranoid, and just couldn't make a decision for anything about anything. She began putting the mail in the freezer. Leaving her purse everywhere. Forgetting why she was doing what she was doing, etc. And yes, I agree with everyone else other than having the doctor give the diagnosis we don't bring up what is wrong with her unless she would ask a direct question then we answer and change the subject quickly otherwise she gets defensive and tells us not to blame whatever is happening on this disease. If your father is a fighter try and do your best to keep from fighting it will only make it harder on both of you. Been there done that. Besides all of the test please do what Joyce suggested and visit an Elder Lawyer ASAP to take care of things otherwise you will have all kinds of problems down the road. Been there done that too. Mom wouldn't let me take care of finances (paranoia) and we are in a mess. If your dad is in the early stages of this disease you may want to sit down and have a what if discussion to find out if he wants to take the medications and when he would want to stop. Am there now. Can't ask and don't know what to do at this point.

Like everyone else has said this is a great place to come. Read through all of the older posts you will get alot of information and come back whenever you need to.

For us, it was learning that my FIL was getting lost in the car going to places he used to go every day. Then there were several bad accidents with the car, and of course, he would blame his medications as to why he did what he did...

When we moved in with him, I learned that he couldn't remain on task for more than 5 minutes, and would get very defensive and argumentative with me.

I learned to either agree with him on some things, knowing he would forget it in a couple of minutes. It isn't worth arguing with them unless what they are trying to do is harmful to them or others around them.

He would wonder if he had ALZ, but we just told him that it was just a memory problem and gave him small, easy chores to do that didn't require more than one step at a time.

Please come back and keep us posted on how things are going with your Father. We've been through this journey and can help, support and reassure you along the way.

Hi BKorea, welcome to the board! I don't think the Nigeria scams are a cause for concern, I know many people that still believe in that and reply to those messages. I think that's more of being a bit naive. As far as early signs, what you mentioned definitely falls under some mild cognitive impairment, but the reason may not be Alzheimer's disease. There are dozens of types of dementia and they may be caused by many different medical conditions. You should definitely request a neurology consult, and try and get some scans and blood work done to rule everything else out. Make sure you find a good physician that does a comprehensive workup. Remember as much as the diagnostics have become more reliable through the years, AD can only be definitely diagnosed in an autopsy. In my grandmothers case we knew there was something wrong when her memory got worse. She would always misplace things at work, and she became extremely disorganized so bad that we didn't know where checks went. The paranoia also got worse, but the aggression only kicked in 1 year after diagnosis. I also think its a good idea to get with an attorney and discuss some end-of-life issues including living will, DPOA, etc. This is good to have in place in any circumstance. Let us know if we can help in any way, and keep us posted on the test results.

Hi, and welcome. I went to the A.B.C's of Alzheimers, very early on, about 10 years ago (Mom is still alive) and their reasoner is broken. You will NEVER win an argument, so just pick your battles. You have to become the parent, and although it takes some getting used to, for everyone, it has just got to be this way. You are lucky you can get him to take those tests, at all. I do think Mom is easier now, because she knows she needs the help, and is grateful. At first, Oh Boy! It was like pay-back, for being a problem teenager! She woulld dig in her heels, and SWEAR it was O.K. to put X-Mas lights up, in the rain, outside, facing up, without bulbs in some of them. Now THAT was a battle, I had to win!

Also, sudden personality change. For instance, she would swear, and had never sworn before, ever. She also ran off with a few strangers, after being married to my Dad for 50 years? Yea, a change in personality? You bet. Although even after ALL of that, there are many people, STILL in denial.

To get an Alzheimers definate prognosis, it is after death, so doesn't do you much good. There are "SO" many differnet types of dementia, but none of them have a cure, so it doesn't do a lot of good trying like mad to figure out "Which Kind Is it?" I do know that out of ALL the books I've read, and articles, an being on various boards, for years and years, the first importnat thing to learn, is to try not to REASON with them? They will not understand, and they will get very angry, and no good can come of it.

I think there is one good book (you can check these out at the Library) called "Alzheimer Speak" Also, and a good friend of ours wrote one called "Into The Mist" by Deborah Utez. Knowlege is power. Also try to contact your local Alzheimers Association. You can get counseling, they used to give Dr. Referrals, and have gobs of lititature.

Stick with us, You will make it through, with help.

Welcome to the board.




That is a an excellent strategy. It's so much better than 'Do you know me?' or 'Hey Dad, who's this?' which only confuse them so much more. I like that. A lot of people quiz AD patients thinking it will sharpen them up. Your Dad has a kind daughter!

As for signs, with my FIL, it was getting lost, and making mistakes about his schedule. He was head of his local Rotary Club, it's a post they each have for a year, organizing everything. He came home once and said 'I went to the meeting but there was nobody there', and then when passing out neighborhood flyers for the elder's activity committee, he got sick of walking around weekly and would stuff all the flyers into the first two mailboxes on the block. The point where my husband finally had to acknowledge that there was something wrong was when he and MIL came to stay with us over New Year's and FIL could NOT, no matter how hard he tried, remember where the bathroom was in our new house, he kept opening the back door 'Oops, that's not it!' One day he handed my husband the car keys, saying, " I just don't remember what I'm supposed to do anymore, I don't know what these knobs are. Take these and keep them, don't give them back to me.' He passed in 2002.

With MIL (who we now care for) her argumentativeness increased to unbelievable levels, constantly combative. This started right after FIL passed away and for a while we attributed it grief. Then she began losing things, in part because she kept changing purses all the time, she used a different handbag every few days and wouldn't transfer everything. It was a huge chore to look through 20 bags to find each item, I just started to go to city hall to keep getting new insurance cards (the thing she lost the most) and getting her new lipsticks etc. Then she became really forgetful and repetitive. It took 3 years to get her to a doctor, and it's now 3 years since diagnosis. She's much calmer now, with appropriate medication!

Oh Crella! I remember so vividly, when my Mom handed me "ALL" of her keys, and said the same thing? "I don't know what to do with these, I wont need them anymore, take them." And it just broke my heart, so I gave them back to her! What an idiot, I used to break into a dance, if I heard that "THEY" actually decide to stop driving, sometimes!

She doesn't drive anymore (Well, I caught her driving in the parking garage, to fetch her husband, who has a hard time walking?) Illegal yes, but not often. Almost gave me a heart attack though!

I digress, but you will find so many, many simliar stories. At least you will not feel alone, and that is so important.

bkorea,
Hi and welcome to our wonderful board. Well, I have to tell you, you've gotten the best of the best of suggestions. Our family here is as you can see willing to help you at the drop of a hat. And there's really not much left to say, as they have really said it all. As you come here you'll see though that the usual change daily. That's the way it is with AD.

You mention your father being stubborn. I have to say, my mother is like that also. And stubborn and AD make for a very difficult situation. I have yet to learn that I can't use the words "you can't do that" to my mother. As with most AD patients, wording is very important. AS much as they forget, they don't. And as time goes by you will understand that more clearly.

Example: Me: Mom use the walker please
Mom: Why, I'm not crippled
Me: But Mom, you almost fell again earlier, please use the walker, you can't walk well without it.
Mom: You're always making up stories, I did not fall, and I can walk better then you, you use the walker!
Me: Mom, please, just do as I ask. You'll find it much easier to walk if you use the walker.
Mom: I told you, I don't need this damned thing (as she tosses the walker at me)
At this point the frustration gets so bad, the arguments begin, and your day, and of course theirs is ruined. And THAT they will remember. To this day I have tried every reasoning possible with that walker. Now when I see her get up and not grabbing the walker, I just go to her, put the walker in front of her, say nothing, and she seems to be better with it. Always cooperative with it, oh no, still at times stubborn.

As far as telling your dad he has a memory problem, I say go ahead and try to explain to him in very simple terms that he has a memory problem without going into Alzhiemhers details. I tried with my mom twice, and twice she said I was crazy and she could remember more than I could. So I gave up on that. We do have someone on board that has Early Onset, and she realizes she has it. But she was very young, I think 42, so that may make a difference with the understanding. Her screen name is Younghope on here if you want to look at some of her posts.

But after talking to him, depending on what his reaction is, I would let it go. As many have said their reasoner is broke, and it will be more frustrating to try to reason. One thing though, I would wait on most things if he is agreeing to get tests done and get to the doctor. Thats the biggest problem I had and still to this day have is getting Mom to the doctor. I've actually had to have my brother come over and physically put her in a wheelchair out to the car to bring her out of the house to get her to the doctors. The last visit was to an ENT. Took me 3 hours to get her ready and out of the house. Brother had to lift her into the wheelchair (she can still walk fairly well, but wouldn't) Me and my helper had to hold her down, and they wheeled her out the the car and put her in the back seat.

I hope we have helped you somewhat, and not made thing look too grim. But you have to know what's going on and what to expect to be able to survive this disease with as little stress as possible. We're here for you

Jackie

Oh my goodness, I'm getting that too! "You always make up crazy stories'. I couldn't make up crazy enough stories for some of what goes on here, and I mean that affectionately . You couldn' t top some of it, or couldn't be that imaginative I guess I should say!




Yes, and for that I am very grateful.

Yup Jackie and Crella I have gotten that to. "Stop making up stories about me, it's not that bad." The one I get the most is there is nothing wrong and stop blaming everything on that disease. Do your loved ones talk to the walls because they don't know where you are sitting. Sometimes I don't even know she is talking to me because she is faced away from me talking to the wall and in a quiet tone. Then she asks me if I heard her. Fun Fun Fun