Thanks Karen, your words are very timely as my mom is walking around scowling at me, kicking the cabinet because "You really did it this time, girl" and just plain being very cranky and sarcastic. She sneaked, well, she thinks she sneaked, into the tiny laundry room trying to get out the door. Daughter and I knew she couldn't get out so we just listened. After a bit we heard a banging and upon inquiry we found her sitting on the dryer sideways, with a peice of PVC pipe in her hand that had been in the window track, banging on the window. She said she was trying to get out and runaway. I asked her where she was going and she said she would find a place.

Right now she is standing by the door saying, "Hello, hello" and talking to the imaginary people outside. I did get the Valium in some applesauce, she did eat the top off then put a spoonful in the drawer which I scooped up and put in her beans which she ate most of. I did get her to take a Seroquel earlier, but not the Depakote.

Still praying that Sibs will be kind and that you will be able to grieve in peace.

Thanks Jackie for your kind words, I'm so sorry your mom is going downhill, it is hard to watch isn't it? Keep us posted as to how you are her are doing.

Mom wants money right now for a haircut and wants to know if I am doing deer cuts?

~Kelly~

Kelly,

How's things going today with your Mom. A little calmer I hope?

jackie

Hi Kelly,

After reading about your Mom's rage, it reminded me of my early days with my FIL... The hitting and name calling was the hardest part for me... I finally learned to remain calm (or at least ACT calm) during his fits and go about my 'business' while keeping a close eye on him.

Please help your Dad understand that he isn't failing Mom by calling for help from 911 or the psych ward. When he's reluctant to call upon them for help, THAT is when he's failing her. He's putting his pride ahead of her health and well being. It's easier to forgive yourself for calling them than it is to forgive yourself for letting her hurt someone, including herself!

Sorry if that sounded blunt, but that is what the doctors told us when it came to getting help for FIL.

Learn what you can and cannot control and give the rest over to God and to the doctors. Be her advocate and get her and your Dad the help they need.

As for the wedding, please don't make your Dad feel more guilty or resentful than he already feels... Do all that you can to find the respite care, but if you cannot find respite care for Mom for that 24 hour period, do all that you can to film the nuptuals and share it with Dad after all is said and done. He needs the break, I'm sure, but reassure him that everyone will understand fully if he cannot be there.

I just wish I lived close by so that I could take over for that 24 hour period and give you all that needed family time and a break from caring for Mom!

Kelly,

I don't know if anyone else has had this experience but when mom was violent toward my husband and having screaming fits the doctor put her on Zoloft and Lorazepam. The Zoloft to help with the moods and the Lorazepam to calm her down. We had to go to a 1/4 of the 1 mg pill for her otherwise she was a zombie. The Zoloft seems to be working for now and hope it will continue. I do not look forward to this stage of the disease. Will be praying for you and your family.

Hi ladies,

Thanks for your concern. Met with Dr. on Fri. he gave me 10mg of Valium for my mom if needed. Sat. morning she broke a window in the rental while with 2 of the girls. They called for back up, big clean up job. When Dad left she escaped out the side door twice and I had to pick her up and bring her back in, dodging her blows. We gave her the 10 mg at 2pm and she didnt' go to sleep until 7:30pm. Crazy things happened all day long, several violent outbursts and such. Valium makes her sleepy, but she only stays down at most 10 min. and talks the whole time she's down. When she gets up we have to be right there because she is so groggy she will fall or sit down on a non-existent chair. She tried to eat her wedding ring for the 2nd time so I had to snatch it away because she won't let us take anything away from her. Made me feel so bad to take her wedding ring, but I think I would feel worse if I watched her swallow it!

Linda, I'd studied up on Ativan and after reading what you said and talking to my pharmacist friend I am going to ask the Dr. for it, tomorrow. If that doesn't work we are going to have to get her into the hospital to get her stabilized because I don't think we can go on like this. Debra, you weren't too blunt, thank you for saying it like it is!!!

Son who is getting married in 2 weeks told me twice this week that he would stay with Grandma so Grandpa could go to church and to our house for dinner. My dad called this morning and said he couldn't leave her because she was so wired, but I insisted telling him that it will be good training for the police department!!! So, Dad came to church and to our house for dinner. It was strange not having Mom here even though she can be so difficult. Son just got home, said it went well, she only laid down for 15 min. out of 4 hrs. For 20 min. she pulled things out of the fridge and when she turned with something new he put the other thing back. When Dad got home, Mom hugged son, then looked up at him and was surprised it wasn't my dad, and said, "You're not him." Dad thought that was very funny.

Debra, you are right about not making Dad feel guilty, thank you for that. I visited one facility on Fri. and knew I couldn't ask him to leave her there for the wedding. I realized then that I will ask God to provide a place that Dad will feel as good as he can about and if God does not provide then I know Dad just isn't to go and we can all accept that. The wedding is going to be video taped, but of course that isn't the same, but.... Hopefully he will be here for many more weddings!

Thank you for caring, my pharmacist friend asked me last night if we have a support group and I told her YES and they are wonderful!!!

Jackie, loved the Caregiver's Dementia article, so true!!! My girls have it too!

Blessings to you all,

~Kelly~

I feel the same way so many do on here. I wish we just all lived in a little community together so when people need help or are in crisis, they don't have to try to figure it out alone. I too wish I were able to come help. I will be praying for a resolution to this for you, Kelly. Take care

Thanks Snickers, you are so kind. Just knowing you all are there really does help!

~Kelly~

Kelly,

Oh hon, I don't know how your doing all this. And your poor dad. He must be just heartsick. As Snick has said, it's really at these times that we wished we had the power to physically help each other out.

As far as the wedding Kelly, yes, let your Dad do what he feels the most comfortable with. You know, if he goes without her, it'll just be pressing on his mind all night, and he'll be a wreck. And then people will probably be asking him where she is out of concern, and that will hurt him more to have to explain. But I'm also wondering if your Dad does stay home with your Mom, if you should see if you can have someone, as in a agency possibly, or even a friend, stay with them both until your Mom settles down for the night. It will be a rough day for him alone with your Mom. He may need some back up.

Well my dear, we're all here for you. Keep on updating us when you can, and I'm hoping that the doctor will find some medication that will finally settle your Mom down a bit. I've heard very good results with Aitivan. My Mom was on it at one time after my Dad passed away, this was pre-AD, and it really was a life saver. She was so distraught to the point of hysteria. It really had a very calming affect on her. So I'm hoping this will be the one that works for your Mom. If not Kelly, as hard as it will be, you will have to have her admitted to the hospital.

And you never know, with all this coming on so fast with your mom, maybe something else is going on besides the AD. The hospital will be the very best place to find that out. Again though, someone there day and night and through the night would be the best. It's not the place to leave an AD patient by themselves, as you know from many of our experiences.

Take care dear one, and hold on. God and us are with you.

Jackie

Just popping in to send Kelly some (((((hugs)))))).

Through many tears, thank you!!!! It's been a rough week plus. She has refused all drugs, the Seroquel tastes really bad in food so she won't eat the food. Today she hadn't had anything since yesterday afternoon but I picked up the Ativan and gave her .25 mg which was 1/2 of a pill in peanut butter on a spoon. One hour after taking it she was kicking the sliding glass door and hitting it. She did seem somewhat calmer before that but there were several moments throughout the day. Oh, what to do.

Her breath is horrible, any thoughts on that?

Thank you for the hugs, I needed them. The girls had a few chocolate covered pretzels and a little glass of wine for me when I got home this afternoon!!!!

Jackie, thanks for letting me know the Ativan helped your mom, hope it does the same here.

Must run, my dear little ones need me.

~Kelly~

Kelly

It takes a day or so for the Ativan to build up in the system. You will know when it hits. Just keep giving it to her and keep on going until that happens. It takes mom about a day and a half but once there she stays very calm. I really hope this works for you.

Will keep praying for a solution to the wedding. Any chance you could take her with you and have help in Washington???? Just a thought.

Hey Kelly!

I'm sorry to hear that about your mom . I hope things get better!

Would you mom like to eat candy like Altoids or some type of mint candy? I read that black liqourice helps stop bad breath.

MIL had REALLY bad breath one morning, she had forgotten to brush her teeth. I wish I would of rolled down the window and acted like I farted just to get a breeze lol!

Kat