My condolences Connie. We never want the end to come, but the last moments sound like the very best way they could happen. God bless.

Thank you Jezza (Love your name!)

You are right. I am so grateful that she went peacefully and everyone got to say their "good-byes". Her service was this past Saturday. It was beautiful with a full house of friends and family. I wrote the Eulogy and my husband read it. As I was sitting there preparing to read my final letter to my mother, I had been SO nervous (not great at speaking in front of crowds) and then suddenly, I felt this warmth around me and a calmness came over me. I was thinking of my mother and REALLY felt her loving presence around me. As if she knew. . .she was hugging me and making me feel calmer. So, I then read my final letter to Mom. There were a few tears here and there, but I managed to bring a few smiles and laughter too. . .so that was good! My husband stood beside me . . just in case I needed him to take over reading it for me. . .but I did fine. They played "In the Arms of an Angel" by Sarah McLachlan at the end of her service. Beautiful song that brought tears to everyone! I can still hear it playing each morning when I wake up. . .

We later had everyone over to our house for the reception. My older brother was drunk and stayed out on the back patio by the pool smoking and drinking and talking "smack" to everyone around him! He's such a B-S'er! He made an insulting comment about my daughter looking pregnant (it was just her dress) and hurt her feelings. . .But that's the way he gets when he's drunk! My nephew wasn't t working on all cylinders since he got served with divorce papers two days before he came down here! He was also misbehaving hitting on my sister-in-law, my daughter and my neice (not his cousin!). But. . they're still family and ya gotta love 'em. . .What can you do?? Unfortunately, Mom was the glue that held us all together. . .the reason for getting together and I don't know when I'll see them all again. . .unfortunately!!

But it was good to see some relatives I hadn't seen in 10 + years! All her flowers are at my house and we have a "memorial table" set up. But I think it's time to take all that down. Still. . .I'm sad. . .even a lady coughing at my son's baseball game last night made me think of my mother's coughing with her pneumonia and I began to cry. I know those moments will hit me. But I can't manage to really smile yet. . .walking around like I'm in "limbo". . .but day by day. . .it's getting a little better.

Now that Mom's gone, I'm thinking about going back to work part-time. I still have a 10 year old at home. . .well. . he'll be 11 on Friday!

One day at a time. . . one day at a time. . .Breathe. . .Breathe. . . .(I'm working on it. . .)

XOXOXO

Connie

Oh Connie; I've been thinking of you. I knew her services were on Saturday, and wondered how they went. How cool, that your Mom could give you that strength, even from afar? I don't know if I could read ANYTHING at my Mom's funeral, when the time comes.

Be kind to yourself. You have grown-up soooo much, in just the last year? You had to, but you did, and you did an amazing job as your Mom's Advocate & Daughter.

Love & Kindness; N.Mc.

Oh Connie, How lovely--You were there for your Mom--She was
there for you. Beautiful.
Thanks for sharing.
Carol

Connie, don't rush yourself. If you want to leave the memorial table up for 6 months, leave it up for 6 months. Slowly you will start getting back into the swing of things, but it will take time. This is all pretty fresh, so don't feel bad if you find yourself tearing up at times. It's normal.

Connie,
You can tear up anytime you feel like. There are things that bring back memories of my mother and I tear up. She's been gone ten years, but I haven't forgotten her. The feeling of loss is still there, sometimes more than other times.

Thanks you guys! I really appreciate your encouragement.

I guess, for me, having been denied my mother for 5 years and then FINALLY getting her back for just one year. . .wanting to do SO much for her - - -with her - - - and going through so much with her health. . . it just seemed too soon for her to be taken away! The last time I took her out, she asked me to take her to Ohio where she grew up so she could show me around. I told her I would as soon as her foot was healed. I wanted more time! But I have to remind myself that I DID get this year and that she didn't die (without me doing all these things with her) in that horrible house with that horrible brutal man. . .That is HUGE. I know that God gave me the gift of my mother's life. . .if only for one year. It was a wonderful. . .wonderful gift!

When it's your mother, as you all know. . .it's hard to lose her . . .and to realize she is gone. The upcoming holidays will be rough. I really wish we could skip them and just go to January, 2009! I just feel like I'm walking in limbo. . .as if nothing is real. . .not all the time. . .but I just feel so lost. . .

I know I'll be OK and that my mother wants me to move on and be happy. I just never realized how hard this would hit me!