I have a new someone in my life and I'm finding it difficult helping him connect with Mom. He feels for me, "dealing with" her. He comments on how much I seem connected to other people at the nursing home where she lives. I don't want Mom to be someone to 'deal with'. I want him to know her as she was (which I know he can only do through me) and as she is and connect with her. I know that's asking a lot. I can't force relationship. I know, I know. I may just be longing for the impossible and once again grieving the lack of "normalacy' and the loss of potential for that. That seems to be the story of my life (looooong story). You'd think I'd be used to it by now.

Sorry for just rambling.

How wonderful you have a special someone in your life right now.

As you said, he will never know mom as she was except through your memories, but that's no reason for him not to get to know her now, as she is. It's probably an awkward situation for him, but I hope he will remain open to all that mom has to offer and come to enjoy the time they can spend together. They have at least one thing in common -- you. If mom can, perhaps he could draw her out a little more by having mom remenisce about your childhood............just a thought.

And ramble whenever you need to. We're here to listen and try to give you any support you need.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Annaberry--First, I totally agree with karenlee about
celebrating this relationship. How wonderful for you!
Just try to relax a little and trust your Mom and your
friend to work things out on their level(s). They may
just surprise you!
Best of luck!
Carol

Thanks for the feedback. I think the reason I feel ...nervous?...about them being able to connect is that Mom does hardly any verbal communicating anymore. So it's going to take a lot more time for them to connect because he has to learn to do it through me, you know?

And I mourn the fact that she's not going to be telling any childhood stories about me. She can't tell the RuffleButt story anymore or anything. J talked to his parents on the phone yesterday for 20 minutes, talking about me coming to meet them and more of the family at Thanksgiving time. And no matter how excited I am to do that, the normalacy of it all almost always strikes deep. In the back of my mind I always compare it to my mom.

But you're right that I do celebrate the joy of having J right now and forging this new relationship together. I waited long enough to find him and "get" him that I intend to treasure everything, even if it is difficult.