Not admitting your loved one has AD...

girlofAtlas · **Posted:** Thu Aug 13, 2009 10:03 am

I was thinking about this today.

Why do some people actively deny their loved one has dementia even it's plain as day?

Is denial easier than acceptance?

For instance Hubby's family about MIL, no one admits she has it. If I found out one of my loved ones had dementia, I'd automatically do what I could to help, etc.

I'm just interested in other's views.

Thanks!

Katrina

AnnR · **Posted:** Thu Aug 13, 2009 11:12 am

Katrina,
Denial is part of the grief process and some people never get past it. I agree with you, I'd rather be actively doing what I could for a loved one. Having worked in the field of pastoral care a while I can tell you that you're not going to be able to push them into acceptance. And, if you try, it will only cause hard(er) feelings.

Continue to do what you can and try not to criticize hubby's family to him. That won't help either. It's a rough road no matter how it's handled. Praying for strength, courage and peace for you.

crella · **Joined:** Fri Feb 27, 2009 6:16 am **Posts:** 84

It's also I think, because the ADLO can do better in front of those they don't see often. This was a major source of disagreement between my parents and family over my grandmother 20 years ago, relatives of my husband and disagreement with family over his father's condition, and now I'm getting flack and denial from friends of MIL, a few of whom evidently think we've placed her for our own convenience. Denial can very well be present, but refusal to believe it because our ADLOs can be 'normal' and charming for the hour they see someone is also a factor.

jackieyo · **Posted:** Tue Aug 18, 2009 11:36 pm

Katrina,
I think it's because if they admit their loved one has AD, that they may have to help care for them. Don't admit it and bingo, why do they need help!!

Jackie

KellyL · **Posted:** Wed Aug 19, 2009 5:24 pm

Wow Jackie, never thought of that!!!

karenlee · **Posted:** Thu Aug 20, 2009 9:10 pm

Katrina,

I was in denial about my mom for months. I knew she had dementia but I didn't want to admit that my fiercely independent mom was getting worse and could no longer take care of herself...........

I didn't want her to be that way so I turned a blind eye to what was happening and told myself what I now know to be lies. It didn't hit me until I went over to make a grocery list for my weekly shopping for her and found her freezer full of food that she had no idea how to prepare...........I moved her in with me that day. I regret I didn't act sooner but I'm also very grateful for the time we did have together before she died.......

girlofAtlas · **Posted:** Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:31 am

Thanks for the replies, I appreciate them all!

It was a bad-ish week last week but this week has been better. MIL has TONS of new obsessions that keep her busy, active, and out of my hair so it works out lol. Digging in the basement and gardening are this week's obsessions.

It gets frustrating sometimes when you see the denial but you all are right, nothing in the world can change other people. I have to change and accept the fact they won't accept she has dementia. At least Hubby does (to a degree anyway) and he helps me when I need it.

Thanks!

Katrina

Not admitting your loved one has AD...

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