Thanks for the update Jackie! I'm glad to hear your Mom is doing better!

Katrina

I wanted to let you all see this - mom after 10 days in the nursing home. They had a picnic/BBQ yesterday and most of the families went, I brought her doggie too:

Your mother looks so happy Judy. I'm really glad for both of you

She really looks happy!

Thanks, I can't tell you what a relief it is to see her happy. They treat her so well, she tells me that she loves the food and everyone is nice to her. Most times when I go I find her in the living room watching TV with everyone else or she is playing a game or whatever activity they have. She is getting much more stimulation than I could ever give her by herself. The place is immaculate, the food looks good to me, the staff all say something to her when they pass by and sometimes she will say something to them.

She is still up many times at night, and now all they have to do is ask her to go back to bed and she goes by herself, they don't need to walk her back anymore. I am not on an every-other-day visiting schedule and may soon go only 3 times a week, with my brother going in between. She seems to like visiting for about an hour, then will just get up and want to go inside to do something, so I go with the flow.

I don't know if I mentioned it, but she will be able to stay here for the duration. She is on the main floor right now and when she gets to the late stage, she can move upstairs to the other unit.

Judy, I'm so glad to hear things are good with your Mom and she is adjusting well. Good for you!

Thanks for the update Howdy! Your mom looks really happy! Cute doggie too

Kat

We had our first care planning conference yesterday - me, my brother and my sister-in-law were there along with the director of nursing, social worker, dietary and the activities director. Mom's admission MMSE score was 9. Yes, 9 - lower than even I thought. So, she is severely cognitively impaired. The psychiatrist also feels that she has vascular dementia (possibly on top of AD, possibly not) and to me, this answers some questions in my mind about why she has progressed so fast.

She is very docile there, she will always say "no" if she is asked to participate in activities, so they have just started saying "come on, we're going to...." and she will do it. She doesn't really talk to anyone else there and the staff wanted to know if she was kind of a loner before (she was). They are going to try to pair her up with one of their chatterboxes who doesn't require responses to things and see how that goes.

She is eating, but she does stop in the middle of a meal and needs to be prompted to continue eating. I did notice I was having to remind her she had food in front of her for the 2 weeks prior to her admission. She hasn't lost any weight, though.

She still does make a statement every once in a while that she doesn't like it there, but it isn't accompanied by tears. The only medication she is on is Effexor XR for depression (which she was taking when she went in) and as usual, my brother inquired as to whether they could give her anything for sleep (he is obsessed with this and refuses to understand that the disruption in the sleep cycle is part of the disease). I am rather upset with him because I just found out that the weekends he had her, he was giving her Tylenol PM so she would sleep at night. I am disappointed that he would do that, because he did ask me a while ago if he should and I told him NO because the psychiatrist clearly said that he didn't want her on anything sedating because her balance is so bad she could fall on the way to the bathroom.

They basically told him the same thing - her sleep is in cycles like their other Alzheimer's patients and they try to avoid sedatives due to the fall risk. So, I am even more glad she is there because their philosophy is right along with mine. I am seeing her every other day and that seems to be working for now.

Also, next Tuesday, she is going with a small group of residents to the movies and out for lunch (they bring enough aides so the ratio is 1:1 on trips like this). The day of the meeting they were having their monthly resident birthday party and I actually sat on the porch during that because she told me she would see me after she had her cake and ice cream. LOL

Judy,

Your mom really does look happy in the picture. That has got to be a big relief for you that she is adjusting to her new home. She is close by and you can visit her frequently and be much better able to enjoy your time together without the stress of daily caregiving.

You are an amazing daughter and all you have ever done for your mom has been with deep love and affection and her best interests at the forefront. Now, take some of that excellent caregiving skill you have and take care of yourself.

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Judy,

I think your mom and my grandmother are right about in the same stage. As I've read your posts over the last few months I find myself thinking "Yes ... yes ... yes ..." We just saw the doctor and her MMSE was 12, so they're probably about at the same level of function. Laurette is also very docile and keeps to herself. She doesn't want to make friends and hasn't really had any since at least 4 or 5 years ago, refuses every "Do you want to do..." question, loves her cats more than the family, etc. I think the two are probably quite similar.

Laurette is still here at home with me, but it is increasingly difficult to manage. We have help coming in a few days a week, right now just for companionship. The routine is getting more and more time intensive for me so I think we may have to increase their presence later this year. We plan to keep her here as long as possible, but the only showers are upstairs and that will pose a problem eventually.

The worst thing is that I'm enjoying it less and less. I can't joke with her much any more and any conversation is limited to mindless repetitive chatter. I have to put on a smiley face and pretend that we're having a nice dinner, but I'm really bored to tears and just want her to hurry up. Maybe I need to start putting on movies during dinner or something. =-)

Here's my update:

Mid-October brought the 2nd anniversary of mom's death. I think about her every day but, more often than not, my memories bring little more than a sense of longing to have her still with me -- a little wistful, a little sad. Even the "sneak attacks" (that's what I call those totally unexpected reminders and memories that bring on fresh, harsh waves of grief) are fewer and farther between. The actual anniversary turned out to be very bland and uneventful.....I had prepared myself for a very rough, emotional day and in that preparation shielded myself. But, 2 weeks later on my birthday, a "sneak attack" overwhelmed me when I remembered the homemade German chocolate cakes she used to bake me every year.

And so it goes.

Time goes by so fast doesn't it Karen. I find it so hard to believe that Bill's been gone over eight months. I'm really not looking forward to the holidays without him, but don't think it will hit me too hard because he was gone from me for so many years before. Like you said though it's still those sneak attacks that hurt the most.
Since the Chicago showing, I can truly say that things have been going a lot easier.
Lori knows who Tom is (neighbor from up north) he came down this past week and put up a new garage door and opener for me. I found myself asking Bill if he liked it. I am always telling him how I hope he likes things I'm doing.
I wish he were still here with me and then tell myself that I would not want him to have to go through what he did again just so I could have him.
I love so much I would rather be without him than to see him suffer again.

You can always come over for a cup of coffee, If you let me know, I'll bake a cake, maybe.

Joyce, I know the feeling about how time flies and life goes on. It will be 3 months on Monday that mom is gone. I have made it thru her first birthday since her passing and we are planning on being gone for the holidays so hope that will help. You are totally right about those sneak attacks, I find myself in tears for the oddest things. Some days are hard to get going and am still trying to find a new purpose in life but on the whole am doing pretty good. Steve just got back from a 13 day hunting trip so did alot of my crying and grieving while he was gone. The house was quiet and had alot of alone time. Now life should get back to some kind of "normal routine".

I do wish that some of you were closer so we could get together for coffee and cake (Joyce) but it is nice to see that some are getting back here. Hope everyone has a great day and happy memories.

Linda,
I come here everytime I turn on my computer. I only wish more friends would show up more often. I know some are really busy caring for their LO, but even when Bill was his worse, I was able to find time to get on. It helped me get through those really hard times just knowing someone was here to listen and ofter support.

I also wish Washington was closer to Mi. I wish Chicago was closer, too. Then I wouldn't have to drive five hours to visit the kids.

Hang in there; I don't know if it is getting any easier but I guess it really is. I still tell Bill good night every night.

Here is my latest update:

We have a serious offer on the condo, but we have to negotiate a bit higher price in order to pay off the current mortgage on the place. Seeing as this means we will be moving, I believe I have convinced DH that we need to be moving South to be closer to the girls. I've been busy looking up apartments and houses for rent, and getting everything lined up for the move. As for work, I have just completed a year with Home Instead Senior Care. I love my work here, but I have already told them to be looking to be replacing me by the end of January. I will miss my current clients, but I know I will find new ones with the HISC in the area where we move to. Hopefully, they pay a bit more than minimum wage!

I sure hope that going through our things to declutter for the move won't take forever... I have a difficult enough of a time trying to stay focused on just one project!

Talking about the anniversary of our LO's deaths, it has been 1 year and 9 months since Old Navy passed away. For me, I am more than comfortable with his passing. The sneak attacks have gotten weaker over time for me, but DH misses his dad. He says the hardest times are when he watches any History Channel stories on WWII... especially those dealing with the navy.

DH's younger brother came by to visit this past Saturday. We haven't seen him since the memorial services in '08. Seems it's difficult for him to bring closure to ON's passing, as well.