Forgot one thing, there was only a max of 8 people there in one day and you didn't have to set scheduled days. You only went when you wanted and only paid when you went. The only thing was if you got there and there was already 8 people there they couldn't stay. I never had a problem with that because there was never more than 3-5 there when we went
Good Luck

Forgot one thing, there was only a max of 8 people there in one day and you didn't have to set scheduled days. You only went when you wanted and only paid when you went. The only thing was if you got there and there was already 8 people there they couldn't stay. I never had a problem with that because there was never more than 3-5 there when we went
Good Luck

Yes, Joyce...I think the Adult Day Care would be a great thing....if Mother will comply, just a little to give it a chance. The place that I would be taking her to is very close by.
I'll let ya'll know how it goes, if I ever get her there.
Louise

I'm new to forum & have been "toying" with the idea of an adult daycare...one problem, which is the big one, no money. I'm new to this "full time caregiver" position & am still researching what's available to patients with medicare, medicare supplement insurance & medicare Rx (yeah right), but anyway that's another topic.
I've recently lost myjob in Florida (after 20 years with same company) so we've moved our entire family here to TX because cost of living is lower, climate is better (west texas is anyway), parents in law retired from Military base here years ago, and it's hubby's "hometown" where he was born & raised. SO....here I am in TX (native Floridian) with my family, unemployed, and now a full time caregiver, without a flippin clue.....afer episode that ended in Hospital trip for Mom, we figured out dehydration (again) & albuterol are a bad combo. No more albuterol. Thought she was going into a ltc at that point, but she's snapped out of the worst part & is back to her usual. She's solid stage 5 & could teeter over to stage 6 anytime it seems, but maybe I'm just afraid....We were definitely in a 6 during the week of New Years, but after major re-hydration & a prescription for Ativan, things got better. We have a Home Health Care RN coming once a week to monitor her care & "re-certify" her as needed. Like I said, I'm in the dark about this...
With the financial situation my Mom is in, and Iwon't go into details, that's for our Attorney to handle, she cannot get medicaid right now, so we're here at home, and that's ok. I've contemplated getting a job in the wee hours of the morning (like 3 to 6 shift or something) but am not so sure I can do that.
I have chronic active Hep C (transfusions in the 1970's) and am not able to take treatments anymore (almost did me in late last year so I'm now considered "not treatable, non responder") so next step for me is transplant list in the even the liver disease takes my liver out. I don't drink (haven't touched a drop in 20+ years), don't smoke & don't take any drugs unless prescribed by physician. Hubby has it too, and is diabetic to boot (insulin dependent). SO....it's a long day most days....
I'm weary & feel like I'm in a losing battle some days. I feel guilty when I'm not constantly searching for answers & help for Mom. I'm feeling like I'm becoming obsessive about alz/dementia now. Perhaps my fears are creeping in...me next? I also see signs of MIL having dementia. Yesterday, as I was making (THE SAME DAMNED SALAD I'VE MADE FOR 25 YEARS) potato salad, she gets outa bed, marches into kitchen, looks at bowl with egg, DICED PICKLES, mustard, onion, parsley, celery, mayo) and says "PICKLES!!! WHY PICKLES????? I guess I won't be eating any potato salad tonight..." in a very nasty tone of voice. I was stunned and it must have shown, although I tried not to react to harshly. So I quietly said, "you've always loved my potato salad & this is the way I've always made it" and then she continued to argue that "no, you made it with sour cream one time" & I said no I've never made it with sour cream, that must be someone else & you're remembering wrong. WRONG MOVE. Anyway, argument ensued, she was peeved & let me know it. I walked away before I said something I'd regret...thinking how cruel she was to bring my Mom into it with the comment of "there's nothing wrong with my memory...besides, there's already enough crazy people around here as it is..." Knife in heart. Which is why I walked away.
Another incident: A week ago she had laser surgery for Age related Macular Degeneration & I am the driver of the car. On the way home, she said "let's stop at burger king" so I said ok but we have to hurry because John (FIL) has his PT this afternoon. MIL says "no that was yesterday". I say, "Mom (I call my MIL "Mom" too) you went to have your hair cut yesterday afternoon at 3:00 & John was home because you had the car". Silence...then "No, he went yesterday". I've learned to let it go & not argue. So, to appease her, we go thru drive thru at Burger King. She gets FIL lunch too...We walk in door @ house, he says "what's that?" about the bag from BK, she says "lunch", he says "I have PT today so I already ate"...she looks at me with looks to kill...I walk away to my room.
OY VEY!!! Then hubby comes home from work & wonders why I'm bordering on a nervous breakdown. Hmmm...let's see, try doing this job 24/7 pal. Love the guy,he's great, but sometimes clueless. He cried when my Mom was in the hospital, twisting the sheets & carrying on like she was talking to long gone relatives. Very good guy, but clueless sometimes.
Ok-enough rambling outa me. Thanks for listening...

DianeJ, one thing I've discovered it that tastes change almost daily. Things Bill used to like he now says he never liked it and things he didn't like he swears he's always liked it.

As for the cost of day care, it came out of my pocket. It was $50 a day plus $5 for a hot lunch. I do think it was $55 well spent.

Hi Diane and welcome,

I'm so sorry about your mom and your health issues, Hep C is a difficult one. You are amazing to take on caregiving when you have so much to deal with yourself, bless you for that.

I don't know if this will help you or not, but last week I decided that I would just tell myself and try to keep in mind that this person is not my mom anymore. She is another woman that I am helping care for but she isn't my mom. It truly has helped my attitude, the issues are still there, but it helps her cutting remarks not hurt so bad and helps my perspective alot. We'll see how it goes.

The day center I just found is $76 a day which includes lunch, and $40 a half day. Well worth it for her sake and ours.

Take care of yourself as best you can,

~Kelly~

Thanks for the feedback! I like this forum as it's seeming like folks are easier to "get to know". Well we went to primary MD today, who is just a wonderful, warm friendly doctor & very young, so up on what's new. He is satisfied with Moms care & thinks I'm doing a fantastic job, which I know I do the best I can, one day ata time, by the Grace of God, so it's all working out. Her issues are the same as all others I guess, dehydration, constipation, mild incontinence which with detrol LA is controlled well, and then lorazipam at night to help her sleep. She's lost some weight, but really needed to as she was way overweight last year. She's lost is slowly, and I know because I'm not at home full time, and monitoring her foods, she's healthier than I am! I still have 40 pounds to go & she's only got maybe 30 to lose....so not fair, but oh well, I'm glad she's doing so well physicially...which I am so grateful for. I'm just tired I guess...can't start any projects around the house until Mom's through will the appts with the diff docs. Same for me...I need a mammagram badly (over 1 year & I'm sibling to a breast cancer survivor, she'll be 6 years survivor in Feb) & to the liver doctor....I'll get there, one day soon now that Holidays are over. Well take care, and thanks again for everything!
Diane j

I just had an EPIPHANY. Of course if I weren't so dense at times I would have had it long before now. I just realized that the times I have less patience with Mom and am more resentful of this job I have "chosen", is when Mom and I are here alone. Remember when the only people we had for company was our children? Stimulating conversation Now it is even worse. I guess that is why I retreat into my room so much. Sure, I talk to people on the phone, but real live company is just not there. I am only close to one neighbor and she is gone most of the day. My son is in and out.

During the day, I would love to cook and bake, but we have a "galley" style kitchen and Mom is always right in the middle of it. I always ask her to sit in a chair, I have placed at one of the entrances, but that only lasts for very few minutes. Then it is always "What can I do to help?". "You can help by sitting down." When what I really want to say is "Sit down and stay out of my way." I could never disrespect my mother that way.

So that is my epiphany for tonight. Once again, thank you for letting me rave.

Oh Jeri,
I also have had that epiphany many times. The more I am with Mom, the meaner I get some times. Before Mom came to live with me, I used to go out and see my grandchildren, out to lunch with friends etc. Now my adult conversation is on the phone (and even that angers her) or on the forum or being on IM with someone. My husband and I used to come and go as we pleased. Now I have to get a sitter (like we used to do for the kids) when we want to go out.

All our lives on here have changed tremendously, but thank God we do have this forum. At least we do know that everyone on here understands what we go through.

I have a fairly good size kitchen with a island in the middle of the cooking area. And believe it or not, it still gets crowded for me with an extra person in it. The space between the island and the stove and fridge and sink isn't that great. So when I cook or bake, Mom is right behind me also.

I have found that if I give her something to do, anything, that she stays out of the way. Sometimes I'll keep the folding of laundry till then, and sit her at the kitchen table with that. Or give her a vegatable to cut at the table or even make a salad there. Have her mix the dry ingredients in a bowl of your baking things. I put everything measured in front of her, and tell her to put it all in a bowl and mix it up good. Anything that will just occupy her even if its for a few minutes. Of course it takes a little longer than for us, but it gives them a sense of helping. And this is what they really need.

Another thing I have found is that if I'm in the kitchen doing something, and one of her favorite programs are on tv, she doesn't bother me as much. Or sometimes I'll have a glass of wine when I'm cooking and give her a glass with some cheese and crackers. And that keeps her busy a bit. (oh, I water the wine down)

Just try to save little things for her to do for your cooking and baking time. Someone mentioned one time about rolling change. My husband has a coffee can full, and I'm going to buy some of those rolls and see if she'll start doing that. Now of course the amounts in the rolls probably won't be right, but thats ok, I'm going to tell her they are. So start saving all your change, it might help.

All this is so hard Jeri, we always have to think of ways to keep them busy, and my thinking process with that sort of thing stopped when the kids were old enough to think of things on their own. And thats been a very long time. So just keep coming on the forum, and we'll hopefully have ideas for each other. We can do this, right?

Jackie