Hello to all my amazing fellow caregivers. Sorry I haven't posted a thread in a while, school has me pressed for time. My grandmother has continued to decline over the past 2 months. It started off with the haldol administration to help her with the extreme paranoia, and suicidal ideations, and her condition has consistently worsened. She walks very slow and is clueless as to what is going on. When I mean clueless I mean it's gotten to the point that she doesn't know who my grandfather is, doesn't know that she is in her home, and really doesn't understand anything that is happening. My grandfather says she has lost all of her cognitive abilities and it completely confused, and no longer knows anything. Her ADLs have decreased dramatically as she now needs help with feeding and has become incontinent. I know that she is now close to entering the last stage of AD. My grandfather is contemplating facility placement because of financial reasons, but also has an issue with medicaid helping out because with my grandmother's IRA and SS she doesn't qualify (we are working on changing that) So what is left to say? This is a truly sad situation, which I am sure many of you have already experienced. At this point in time there is no treatment for this late stage AD, and comfort is really all you can provide the patient. I wonder if she understands how confused she is, and whether she is scared. I can only imagine how horrifying it would be to wake up and not know what anything is, who you are, and what the strangers talking to you want. Does anyone have suggestions on how to try and cope with these new developments? I suggested showing my grandmother photos of herself and my grandfather but this doesn't seem to work. I hope things are better with your LO. Thank you all for your heart-warming support.

Aitan:
My heart is with you and your family as you try to help your Grandma. My mom has not yet reached this level, and I have to be honest and tell you I dread it. However, it is a great comfort to know that I am able to find out so much information, and support here.

Thinking of you.
Lynne

Aitan:
Please know that I realize all to well what you are going through. My heart breaks because I (as we all do) wish I could give you great words of wisdom and comfort as you try to deal with all that's happening.
My Mother who lived with me and I cared for daily died on Feb 4th,2008 and I am still finding little notes that she had written that showed how terribly lost she was....I miss her so, but I was losing my Mother slowly for many years before she went to her heavenly home. I find comfort in knowing that she is no longer lost...she is now whole both physically and mentally. Her struggle with AD was no less than heoric.
My Mother would cry and say: " Why am I like this, why can't my mind work right"...so even tho' she was terribly confused and lost..she had those moments when she was able to voice her horrible torment.
When I would try pictures and stories of her past and present to try to reassure her...it just never mattered.
I can only pray for you and your family .....that you might have the strength and an ever patient love to see you through.
Louise

Dear Aitan,
I am so sorry to hear the sad update on your Grandmother.
My Daddy isn't that far along, but I agree with Louise--
(hugs to you, Louise)--that it must be torment on our
LO's when they do have enough clarity to know how
terribly lost they are. Daddy does talk, somewhat
jokingly but not completely, about how he wishes he
had a gun and could just end it all. He does talk about
how he feels like he is going insane. My son told me the
other day how he would rather get sick with anything else
other than Alzheimers. I tend to agree.
I know nothing in the above ramble was hands-on helpful.
Just please give your Grandmother and your dear, dear
Grandfather HUGE, warm hugs, all the way from cyberland.
Keep strong, sweet one--
Carol

aitan,
i am so sorry that your grandmother is slipping this much. i remember all too well when my dad was slipping into that final stage of AD. to the best of my recollection russ did not realize he was as bad off as he was at the end. and for that i was thankful. i tried showing him pictures but after a while gave up because i could see there was nothing left there, there was no response at all to them, it was as if he had no idea what a picture was itself, much less the people in it. i know every individual is different so just trust your gut in what is right to do. for me, at the end, it was to just be with him, to hold his hand, talk softly with him and tell him what was in my heart. how much of those conversations he could comprehend i don't know and it really doesn't matter. i do feel strongly though that he felt loved and safe and secure. as for me, that was all that i could hope to give him at that point. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult journey.

Aitan,
I'm sorry for what your grandfather and you are going through right now. This is where Bill has been for awhile.
The one thing I find that helps calm him down is to sit next to him on the sofa and just put my arm arm him. I try to talk to him, but he doesn't understand what I'm saying and he is unable to communicate at all. I just keep telling him how much I love him.
The hard part is getting him to trust me enough to sit down next to me, because like your grandma, he has no idea who I am or where he is.
He always asks where the bathroom is. He will walk right to the bathroom door and stop. I think because he sees his reflection is the shower doors. He thinks there is a man in there. I now keep the mirror covered so he doesn't see himself.
I will make sure to say a special prayer for you grandfather, because it is going to be very hard on him.
Take care of him. also

Aitan,
I'm so sorry this is happening with your grandmother. I know how heartbreaking this must be for you and your grandfather. It's the stage I dread the most for Mom, as we all do or have. Beside keeping her safe and loved, I guess there doesn't seem to be much else you both can do at this point. It has to be real scary for them to get to this stage. But I do believe reassurance has to help a little. Just keep letting her know that you are her grandson, and that your grandfather is her husband.

And be there as often as your schedule will allow for your grandfather. This must be so very difficult on him not only mentally, but physically to have his wife at this stage.

Our prayers are with you at this time, hoping that this stage for your grandmother goes quickly and that she can be free of this disease. Please keep us updated when you can, and know that we care.

Jackie

Aitan,
I'm so sorry this is happening with your grandmother. I know how heartbreaking this must be for you and your grandfather. It's the stage I dread the most for Mom, as we all do or have. Beside keeping her safe and loved, I guess there doesn't seem to be much else you both can do at this point. It has to be real scary for them to get to this stage. But I do believe reassurance has to help a little. Just keep letting her know that you are her grandson, and that your grandfather is her husband.

And be there as often as your schedule will allow for your grandfather. This must be so very difficult on him not only mentally, but physically to have his wife at this stage.

Our prayers are with you at this time, hoping that this stage for your grandmother goes quickly and that she can be free of this disease. Please keep us updated when you can, and know that we care.

Jackie

I'm sorry to hear about that. I'm praying for your family!

Kat

Aitan,
I am sorry too and I agree it is terribly sad for all especially at this stage where your grandmother is. My mother is there as well. I have no great advice except to say I haven't regretted any attempt to try to be close to my mother. It hasn't always worked out of course, in fact sometimes, it has been quite sad, some would say futile for the obvious reasons but I have to believe that on some level she knows I have tried for her sake. I do try to acknowledge that I know it's difficult for her to talk now and at times she nods yes. I still tell her how much I love her and what a good mother she is.
It's hard and I know it will get harder for her and for the people who are closest to her... me. The same for your grandfather and you. I wish I had greater things to say but I do understand.Prayers for all of us .

Thank you all for your caring words and for sharing your wisdom with me. I agree with everything you've said. I've seen countless AD patients during my work in EMS, but it never really hits home until you see it with someone you care for. I'll never be able to look the same at my AD patients. I feel like I want to emotionally care for every single one of them like I do for my grandmother, because they too are mothers, sisters, brothers, or fathers. It's so incredibly sad, and I hadn't realized how much until I saw the physical end of this dreaded disease. I started this website when my grandmother was in ~stage 3-4 less than 1 year ago, and I never imagined that she would progress so fast. It's only now that I truly understand the sadness that caregivers experience. I hope too that she won't suffer long. Anyways, I'll try not to be a dark cloud on everyone. I love how open and supportive everyone is here

Aitan don't worry about being a dark cloud on everyone. Isn't that why we're all here, to let our feelings out and say how we feel, knowing that the people here understand better than anyone else.

Just looking at that smile on your atavar brightens all of our days.

Just keep letting your grandmother know how much you love her.

I can relate to what you said about wanting to care for all the AD patients. When Bill was in the hospital, I couldn't keep from talking to the other patients and trying to help them anyway I could.

Prayers for your grandmother, grandfather and you.

Deat Aitan,

I am sorry for the emotional trials you and your family are going through. It's evident you have such a great heart. Your Grandparents are so blessed to have you.

I'm sorry I hadn't looked into this thread until now, when I'm a bit more settled with my own "Daughter-dilema" over my AD Dad. But you took the time to offer words of comfort to me here in the midst of your own pain. And I thank you for that. You've been a blessing and a source of strength to all of us.

Dear Aitan,

I'm so sorry this has all happened so fast for your family, you must be in a sort of shock. I know you have been a true blessing to your grandparents as you have stuck by their side through this difficult journey, especially being so young, what an encouragment you are to many. We have all been blessed by this site at your hands and we thank you. You can never be a dark cloud to us, you are a shining example of manliness and servanthood and we are all grateful.

Please take care and keep us posted on your grandmother's condition,

Gratefully,

~Kelly~

Dearest Aitan,

Tears are on my face and in my heart for what you and your dear sweet grandmother are going through. It appears that after her surgery, my mother has now slipped to that same level of AD and I feel that I have lost yet another part of my mother before I could tell her all that I wanted her to know about my love and grattitude for all that she did for me! This horrible disease robs them from us bit by bit! What's worse is knowing how they must feel deep inside!

At this level, I'm sure that the greatest gift you can give your grandmother is your presence and your love. Your love will transend any obstacles!

I will keep your dear grandmother in my prayers.

From my heart,

Connie