I'm not sure if anyone is dealing with this now but thought I'd post it. Someone said we don't have enough "meat" here however, I know that there's lots of experience on this board. Offering this to help anyone who needs it today or in the future.

When my mom was placed, Dad bore the guilt and difficulty of making the decision, the finances, etc. I was more of a logistics helper. Here are some tips that will help make the details easier, I hope.

- Invest in a fabric marker. Michael's & other craft stores have them. You will need to write your loved one's name on all of their clothing.

- Most people use black. Consider a different color. That might help making sure your loved one's clothes are easily id'd and put away properly.

- Writing their name on clothes is not the end of the story. Also write their name on the bottom of shoes and any personal belongings. For lamps or picture frames, you can buy blank stickers to put the name on so you don't write on the item itself.

- Don't take anything you would be upset about losing. It's not always a matter of stealing. Residents lay things down, other residents come in and innocently take things, etc.

- When buying clothes, terrycloth (although cuddly) is just not your friend. I've tried to write my Mom's name on terrycloth and it's nearly impossible.

- Invest in the hangers that allow for the top and pants on the same hangar. Easy organization for the staff when helping your loved one get dressed.

- Most facilities are scant on storage space. Choose maybe 10 outfits and organize them w/top and pant.

- Set up the room before move-in day. You will have your emotional plate full on that day. Plus, it'll make it easier on your loved one. You want to shield them from the chaos of moving as much as possible. Your time is better spent showing them around vs unpacking a box.

- Try to bring things that do remind your loved one of home. A favorite chair, a special picture, a favorite quilt.

- Don't be surprised if you see other residents wearing your loved one's clothes. It happens all the time. I look at it as a large community closet.

- Which brings me to the next one, I don't buy Mom expensive clothes. I'd love for her to have nicer clothes but with the industrial washing, misplacement, etc. - it's not worth it. Wal-Mart has some nice things and that's the route we've gone down. Pull-on capri sweat pants are a fav - comfy for Mom and great for us because she's short and they don't have to be hemmed up.

- Some nursing homes have "shower buckets." They contain your loved one's soap, deodorant, shampoo, toothbrush. Gather all those items to give to the staff in one bundle. Also put names on these things as best you can.

- Make a notebook for the staff detailing current medications, emergency contact info, any special issues (nutrition, bathing, likes, dislikes), and some personal info to help them become acquainted with your loved one.

- Remember that you aren't abandoning your loved one. You are just widening the circle of people needed to help care for the one who you love. It's hard not to feel guilty, but hopefully you will find a facility with staff that is loving and kind and compassionate.

- Some people stay all day. Some people stay for a little bit when visiting. If you can't be there for a long stretch without getting upset, give yourself a break. Leave, give yourself time to be upset and get back together, and then return. It's not uncommon for me to make several mini-trips to see Mom, even if I just stop by and we have a soda together.

- Institutional food. Some of it's good. Some of it's not. And if your loved one likes soda, they probably won't get any. Most places stick to water, juice, milk. So bring them a favorite snack or make them one of their favorite meals.

- It's hard to know what to do when visiting someone in a facility. It's not like home, for me. Because I'm antsy I guess I try to think of things for Mom and I to do together. Paint her nails, look at a photo album, sit with her at a meal, fold napkins, etc.

- Ask questions. What systems do they have in place for fall prevention? What time do they eat? What activities are there? When does the medical director/doctor come to the facility? Staff-to-patient ratio? Etc.

- Placement is incredibly difficult. Hang in there and know that the pain of initial placement usually fades with time. It just takes a while to adjust to the "strange, new world." But new routines will develop and hopefully everyone involved will become acclimated.

- Caregiving doesn't end at placement. Other issues often emerge. Falls, new behaviors, etc.

-

What an awesome post!

I looked online and found a place that makes iron on name labels. Like for kids going away to camp. They were extremely inexpensive; I think I paid more in shipping than for the labels themselves, but I got like 100 of them for less than $10 including shipping.

My mom has always been really big on seasonal decorations so I decorate her room and door with inexpensive goodies from the craft store. As Starrynight said, go with cheap and easily replaced. I try to find something cute for her door for every holiday (Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, etc.) so that it changes monthly. (When she gets to a point where she has trouble remembering her room, this will have to stop.) I attach the decorations with a bit of wire wrapped tightly around the nail to make it a little more difficult to pull off. It's more work for me, but it makes the decorations less likely to succumb to the whims of the "redecorators" who wander the halls and pull things off the doors.

today we signed all the papers for hospice for mom. I feel so guilty. Its overwhelming. We can just not handle the falling she was doing at home all the time. Yet now with the no restraint laws is a nursing home safer?? Won't she just fall more?? This all hurts so much.

jstme,
I just signed papers for Bill to go into hospice a week ago.
I am still caring for him at home and they are moving pretty fast with the help..
I hope with their help I will be able to keep him here.

I wish I knew how to prevent him from stumbling around. He has falled several times and I'm scared to death he is going to break something.
Next to tying him in a chair that's too heavy for him to pick up, I don't know what to do.
I think they can still restrain if they are unable to prevent them from hurting themself or others. At least that's what they told me when he was in the hospital the last time.
At the hospital, they had what they called a "sitter" that sat right next to his bed 24/7

Dear jstme,
I don't think there are any easy answers anywhere.
Please try not to feel guilty, though, sweetie.
You are doing your absolute best in an impossible
situation. (((hugs))) & ***prayers***.
Carol

Hospice was there and they accepted her. We went to the nursing home to check out things. The family has decided that we would admit her to the nursing home for rehab. Give her a chance to see if she could get stronger. Do I think she will be able to return to walking again? No but it does make my dad feel better knowing we gave her the chance. Before admitting her into hospice. I guess it is easier and more gental way for him to accept. At the moment she can not get out of bed until pt comes. Thank you for your replies. I am trying to remain strong Alz has changed me in so many ways.

AD has changed all of us jstme. I'm not sure it's all for the better. I know I have lost a lot of sympathy for all the "little" complaints I hear from others.
I now know that there isn't always someone there when you really need them.

Your dad know that he has done all that's possible now. Your mother needs help that he can no longer provide and she will be better off in the NH for rehab.

Do you think you will admit her to the hospice facility after rehab?

At least Bill is still able to assist when I am trying to take care of him. If he were completly bed ridden, I'm not sure I could do it alone.

Keep strong for your dad and for you.