Well, I was screwing up the courage to call my Mom. I had sent Mom & Tom, a three page letter, about my life, finance, health, etc. Decided to get honest *Gulp* I wanted to call and make sure she wasn't shocked, or upset, by what I told her, I always want to be all Hearts & Flowers, and make her life...better? Well, she says she has some money coming to....me? "Where did you get it?" "I don't know, Tom where did I get it?" She was on my Dad's Life Insurance Policy, because she made all the payments! She was unside down in it, as I recall, she payed more in premiums, than it was worth, but who would have though my Mom would get money, from my Dad, after she has been married two more times???

She decided to divide it up between her three girsl, what a SWEET-HEART! It will not save my financial life, but truthfully was afraid with this economy, that 'they' may be struggling financially too??? Not have enough to live on, etc???

Second shocker. "How is Eva, & how is everyone's health?" "Fine, fine." "Who comes on week-ends, Rose?" And Mom says "Nobody came this week-end, at all?" I said "WHAT?" "Who gave you your shot?" "I DID!" O.K. My Mom is now giving herself a shot, every week-end! Who ever heard of a patient with AD, after two years of having someone else do it, learn to do it herself? Of course Eva pre-fills the syringes, like she does for me, but OHMYGOD? I am a little afraid, because she is so forgetful, so asked to talk to Tom again. "Tom, please be sure that Mother does not forget. that she already gave herself her shot, and give herself another one?" He says" Well, you Mother doesn't like the shot, so is relunctant to give herself even one, so she wont give herself an EXTRA one. And he *Giggled* Oh, and he tells me that he is getting forgetful too, that's what happens, when you get old? No, Really??? And I said "Whos' driving the Boat Tom?? He says "Well, we don't have a boat, but we have a car." 88 and still driving...EKKKKK!!!!!

Can I have a nervous breakdown now? Now I am a nervous wreck, but happy too? Progress, with AD? I am so confused. Also, if Mother hurst herself, we know who to blame, Sister #1, (I know it was her bright idea, a way to save money!) I just hope it is not to late.....SHEEESHHHHH!!!

First of all let me tell you that my step-dad is 91 and still driving. It can be done.

I'm glad your mom had some "bail out" money for you. I know it was hard for you to tell her that you were in trouble.

What do you think of her giving herself shots? Dangerous? She says Eva leaves an extra one, in case she screws up? I hope she doesn't over-dose?
I did tell her I was proud of her. I didn't know what else to say? But Thank-You Mom. She just sent my Sister's in a Valentines Day Card! $3,000.00!

Sky,
I know that must have been very difficult for you to tell your Mom and Tom about your finacial situation etc., but I'm glad you did. As much as we think they don't understand things of that nature, they really do, if only for a short time. It makes them feel like mothers again I'm sure.

Last week I wrenched my neck, and was having spasms so bad it brought me to tears. My Mom felt so bad she asked me to sit on the floor by her chair so she could rub it for me. I did and she did, and it brought back some nice memories. So that's ok that you had to tell your Mom some of your troubles. I think its good for them. And I'm so glad you'll be getting a bit of money, even if its just a little, every little bit helps.

As far as the shot, I think I would probably email Eva and see what she thinks of it. Does your Mom get tested often, or does she test herself? Maybe you could call Tom again and just ask him that when your Mom gives herself a shot, to write your Mom a note that she could see someplace and let her know its done for the day. Seems like it may be a bit dangerous if she forgets and gives herself another.

Other than that, I guess there's not much that can be done. But someone else should certainly be doing that. What the heck is your sister thinking? Have you talk to her about it? I know, I know, silly question, but bite the bullet for Mom and see what sister is thinking.

talk later,
Jackie

Thanks Jackie & Lori, yea, hard? I felt nausiated, and it took two months, and I have been literally, pulling my hair out, by the roots! I wonder if you can have your conscience removed, so pesky!

I am trying to find out if Mom was to give herself two shots, in one day @ 14 Units, if it would kill her? I know Eva has a liability issue too, she probably has Millions of Dollars in Insurance, and could lose her license? She must have confidence in my Mom? She would not risk her career & livlihood, no matter what my Sister asked her to do, or not to do. She lives in Morgan Hill? Not cheap! I can E-Mail her, and ask her humble opinion, I suppose?

I am not speaking with either Sister, after they stole my Mother's valuable painting, and then the other one, Sister #2, who is usually just absent, pretty quiet & benign, ripped me a new one, on "Thanksgiving Day" while I was there, working like a slave, taking care of Mom & Tom! Who needs it, I am done with the both of them.

Maybe Aitan will know?

You have Big sisters here, Sky.

I'm glad you ask Mom for help. That's what mothers do the best. Help their children when they need it.

I wouldn't think Eva would do anything if she thought it would hurt your mother. It has got to be hard being so far away from someone you want to protect.

Ya hard, is for sure! I can't even imagine my Mom giving herself a shot, let alone for two months, and I didn't even know?? GRRRRRR!!! I can't imagine Eva would do anything to harm Mom either.....BUT...since my Sister has HPOA, and if she TOLD Eva, no more week-ends, trying to cut corners $$$, perhaps Eva thinks that Sister #1 would be liable? She does treat her like "SHE" is her boss, which I could never figure out?

I guess I have to E-Mail Eva, and ask her whose idea this was. I am just sick of sounding like such a meddling b***h, but could you imagine giving an AD patient, a brand new task, at this stage of the game? It is really startling to me?

Sky,
There is no way you can be called a meddling b***h when all you're doing is trying to do what is best for your mother.
But I guess your sister can call you whatever she wants. You have that same right, you can call her whatever you want.

I can't imagine giving Bill the job of taking his meds, much less telling him to give himself a shot every day. it doesn't sound like Tom is much help in making sure she takes it.

I'd be curious is what Eva had to say, too.

Thanks Joyce. She is pretty good (Eva) about getting back to me, and yes, I have been called much worse, for trying to take care of my Mom. It makes "NO" sense. I think they are all...NUTS! I might call Kaiser's advice nurse today (Mom's HMO) and simply ask them, what would happen if someone injected 45 Units of Insulin, in one day? Which is what Mom is left to 'play' with, every Week-End. I think I know the answer, but I need to ask an expert.

Yea, Tom, just teeters about, and tells Mom she is pretty (He is 88?!?!) That is why everyone thinks it is alright, for my Mom to live in that Hell-Hole.

Just when I think I have adjusted to her total lack of care, I get this news. I want her to have "MORE" care, not less, and ahe can afford it????

This whole thing sounds very odd to me. I suppose, because I have been in the health profession, I read too much into things but indulge me for a moment. Why would Eva, knowing your mother has AD and could make a mistake with her dosage and knowing Tom is unable to administer her injections, allow medication that she has personally drawn up to be left in your mother's house for your mother to administer by herself unsupervised? Insulin and syringes are not playthings. They need to be handled by trained professionals or by adults who are fully aware and specially trained in the administration of diabetic medication. Eva has put her nursing license on the line by doing this. I don't have to tell you what a dangerous situation this is and it needs to be handled and brought under control immediately.

Oh, Gosh Snick! It is reassuring, and also terrifying that you, and 1/2 dozen other professionals, have told me the same thing? In fact 'their' concern is that a pre-filled syringe of Insulin, loses it's integrity, in less than 24 hours? I didn't now this, and in fact I gave Mom injections for nearly two weeks, like this? I know how to fill them, but 'they' wouldn't let me?

My worst fear is that I am doubting....EVA's judgement? Who as been my Gift-From-God, she would never let any harm come to my Mom, or let her die? It makes no sense, I think she is the major bread winner in her family, and is usually so dependable, so reliable? Maybe she got hit from this economy too, and can't afford her staff, which is who would come on the week-ends?

I got the most adorable card from my Mom, for "Valentine's Day" today. It was "To My Daughter" with hearts (which she knows I love) I burst into tears, and then whiped them away, and called her, to Thank her, and tell her it was the most precious Valentine's Card, I had ever received? I asked her if she had picked it out? She had to "ASK TOM!" He said "YES!"

So, this is a woman that has to ask her husband, if she picked out a card, can not tell you what she had for breakfast, moments later, or what day of the month it is, or even what month, or year it is, can not fill out a check, no way, is trusted with three syringes of Insulin, every Week-End?

Still have not heard from Eva.

Finally heard from Eva. Still not sure what to make of it all. I am glad I wasn't holding my breath? I will call her (Mom's) "LongTerm Health Insurance Company" tomorrow? The last I heard, she still had $100,000.00 left? The only thing I can imagine, is that my Sister panicked, and told them to cut out Week-End help? And if that is the case...I can't tell you what I want to do to her? Even saying this, I imagine, is illegal!

Please tell me if this E-Mail makes any sense. Mom was wrong about it being for MONTHS, it has only been, for a couple of Week-Ends, but if someone has to cut-corners, and I know we all do, this is not the way to so it. She has Health Care Insurance, Investments, Cash? Oh-My-God, I think I will die from stress, before she does.

"Hi Nancy, It is been a while since we spoke but you know I did not know that you are not aware of what is going on and I am sorry. Well it was not Ann,s idea it was Tom and your Mom,s idea to at least save some of her insurance so, she will have it a little longer and it is just a trial it just for 2 weekends and I called them eveyr single day on the weekend to make sure she does not forget but anyway I already talk to Ann last Monday that we will give it another weekend and if she still does not remember to wash her fanny then we have to resume weekend. R egarding insulin she's been giving it and whenI call around 10: 30am she didi it already but this weekend she told me in the phone that she took her pills on SUNDAY BUT WHEN ICAME ON mONDAY SHE DID NOT. i WILL LET YOU KNOW MONDAY."

Take Care and Happy Valentine

Eva

I hope they get those weekends back real quick. There is no way your mother can be trusted to give herself her injuctions.

Keep us up to date on what's going on.

The email makes sense but it was poorly written, for a nurse. The whole thing sounds terribly shady and you have good reason to doubt Eva's judgment. I'm sure Eva cares for your mother but her judgment is cloudy and she is not using good ethical sense. And that is what is going to get someone killed. Plain and simple: never leave loaded syringes in the hands of incapable hands. Sky, your mother is unable to keep herself washed, how can Eva think she can be responsible for handling injections?

Your mother's conception of time is way off now with the AD. She has no grip on what time really is. I found that with my mother, I had to change the content of what our conversations used to be. I quit asking her questions I knew she didn't have answers for any longer. I was careful what I asked her for fear she would get flustered and frightened she couldn't answer correctly. Everything changes with AD. The relationships we once had with our parents change and evolve to one where we are in fact "the parent". Only we are not raising them to get along in the world. We are caring for them in their final journey away from it.

I don't know what to say, Sky. Maybe the time is coming for you to consider moving closer to your mother so you can keep an eye on her. It sounds like she needs someone in her corner desperately.

O.K. Moving right along. I called "Penn Tready" today, Mom's Long Term Health Care Company, and she has $90,000.00 left, her claim is still open, and I did the math. If she had a nurse come in, every day, it would last nearly three more years? Or 1,000 more visits? So, I E-Mailed Eva, with all of this, and told her that stopping any days is not negotiable with me. That she has to explain to Mom & Tom, that this is dangerous, and could *Kill* my Mom, and if they don't allow this bare minimum of help, I'll have no choice than to call APS, again. Now if APS did their job correctly, they would pull my Mom out of that house, and as much as I wouldn't mind that one bit, EVERYONE else would be very unhappy about it, and FURIOUS with me.

But, like I said, this is non-negotiable. Period.

Snick. Eva is from the Phillipines, and although she does not write very well, has broken english, she is quite sweet, and very smart. I am surprised she went along with this, but if my Sister #1 agreed, she is kind of, how can I put this. Well, she takes her shoes off, before entering Mom & Tom's house (and you have seen that awful place) so she is very respectful. I did tell her that, it was clear, that neither Mom or Tom, were capable of making these kinds of decisions anymore, and that the daily nursing visits can not stop, or I will have to contact the authorities.

Never a dull moment, I feel like I've aged 100 years, over the last 24 hours.