I had a good day. Nothing to bother me, nothing to depress me. Well tomorrow is trash day so I thought I really should clean out the pantry. There is a lot of food in there that was for Helen and that I don't eat. Well I didn't get it done. I walked in there and started to cry. Now who in their right mind cries over a jar of olives. Just me I guess. I am such an idiot. This is so stupid. I'm really kicking myself now. Good grief they are just olives!

NOT stupid, NOT an idiot, and DON'T kick yourself friend. Give yourself permission to shed those tears.
Those were not just a jar of olives. I suspect they were something you don't eat, but Helen did. They were just another painful reminder that Helen has gone on, and won't be using that jar of olives. Reminders come at the strangest times, in the strangest places, and in the strangest ways.
Allow yourself to feel what you feel, and don't judge yourself. Besides, Helen is laughing her ass off at you right this second , and probably shaking a boob or two.

Ahh Diana, thanks for the laugh. I needed that.

When life hands you a jar of olives, make martinis!

Seriously, I know.... I am getting together some stuff tomarrow for the Elks club Christmas basket thingy they do every year for needy families. Dad and Mom had stuff in the cabinets we won't eat that will be put to good use. Maybe there is somethng you can donate those olives to? Mom and Dad had an awesome liquor cabinet stash too but I am keeping that! I am a little "needy" in that area.

They are not just olives, they are a part of Helen. Cry all you want and over anything you want. I remember crying over a pot of chicken n dumplins because I couldn't take some to my Mom. On Thanksgiving I cried over a picture of the two of us that has been sitting in the same place for nine years. So if I can cry over something after nine years, you certainly have the right to cry over a jar of olives.

Right now I have a jar of marachino cherries in the fridg., at least a jar of the juice, everytime I open the refrigerator, I think of my son. One time he drank the juice and put the jar of cherries back on the shelf. That was in 1973. You never forget some things or someone just because they're not here physically.

If I named all of the items that have caused me to break down in tears over the last month, folks would think I was off my rocker. It's so hard, Lori. Believe me, I understand. Hang in there.

Don't feel stupid. I've been crying over Little Debbie Honeybuns for two years. Try putting those in a martini.

Lori, you are much too hard on yourself. A jar of olives is just the kind of thing that will blindside you and set off a fresh wave of grief because it is something so ordinary, so common, that you would never mentally prepare yourself to face it and then..........wham!

There are so many things around us, in our homes, on the radio or TV, in stores, that will just trigger a memory and blow away our carefully crafted composure. And it usually happens when we think we are doing OK.

You loved Helen. It's okay to cry and to miss her. Even over a stupid jar of olives.

Please do not beat yourself up Lor, Lor. You are in the early days, weeks, barely months, of grieving? How about giving yourself a big pat on te back, that you are not in bed, curled up in the fetal positon? Instead you are helping others, with your Hospice work, and all of us? A a therapist once told me, "If you were not sad or upset, I WOULD be worried about You!" Because this is so normal?

Well, I'll be proud of you, until you catch up, O.K? O.K.

Damn Olives, they do it to me everytime!

P.S. Oh, I know one that will 'get' me, everytime I make Tuna Salad, I think of my Mom, and always will, it was her favorite.

Well my Dad's been gone 21 years soon. And I have to tell you, everytime I make ribs, he immediatly pops in my head. My Dad made the best darn sauce for those ribs. I should have entered him in a cook off because I'm sure he would have won.
I can almost duplicate his receipe. He really never had a receipe per say. Just took everything out of the fridge and started adding it in that Open Pit BBQ sauce. Red wine, almost empty bottles of dressing, honey, worchestersire sauce, heinz 57, beer. And boil, oh no, you never boil the ribs first. You season them first with Italian dressing and spices and then gently and slowly cook them on the grill. Then when there almost done, you start brushing on that wonderful sauce. And keep the heat low so they won't burn, and the flavor gets through all the ribs he would say.

And the prep before all this. Grapefruit spoon. He would take a grapefruit spoon and scrape and clean those ribs until all the fat had practically dissappeared. And that skin that's on the underside, grab an end and just pull it off, and then pull out those veins. Funny how certain things make wonderful memories. I could just hear him now when he sees me making his rib receipe, and doing all that he did with the cleaning of them and the sauce, being soooo proud. And then all of a sudden, like a bolt of lightning, him seeing me putting them in the oven and not the grill. And saying to me, "What the heck are you doing, your going to ruin those"!

So Lori, next time I make ribs, I'm actually going to put a little green olive juice in the sauce, And imagine Helen saying to Dad, "What in the world is she doing"? And my Dad saying "Trying to make my sauce better than mine I guess, but It'll never happen!"

Jackie

P.S. Still have that grapefruit spoon

Yes Lori someone does cry over a jar of olives!!!!!!!!!!!

I know.. I had gone grocery shopping for BFM on Sunday
afternoon, stocked up on applesauce, pear sauce, peach sauce,
puddings, yogurt, cream of wheat, grits, instant oatmeal,
instant mashed potatoes (they are easy to fix), baby food
(green beans, squash, sweet ptotatoes, bananas, prunes, cherry
delight, green peas), carnation instant breakfast, and a few
canned meats (deviled chicken and ham).. none of those things
we will eat (BF and I).. I am going to donate them to the food
pantry at our church (in her name) but everytime
I open the pantry I burst out in tears.

My heart goes out to you my friend..

Your not stupid nor an idiot..