Anyone have any suggestions about dealing with Thanksgiving. We are going to have about 13 people around and mom always seems lost when there are more than 3. She can't follow all the conversations and gets lost in the ones she is listening to. Any suggestions would be welcome.

Oh, then there is the meltdown when everyone has gone home. Help.

Hmmmm....that's a good question.

I would say to maybe have your mom sit in the kitchen while dinner is being prepared and have her be able to visit with whoever will be in there while meal preparation is taking place. I am thinking there would be a few people in there too keep the crowd to a minimum? I have also heard of families splitting up the day into shifts. One for lunch and another for dinner, keeping the groups small and manageable.

You could also try to put mom in a place where activity is light with a few people that she seems comfortable with.
Try to keep in mind though, you can do what you can to minimize confusion but don't get frustrated trying to make everything perfect. It won't be perfect but it will work out.

I think I am one of the lucky ones. Bill doesn't seem to get anxious around a lot of people as long as they aren't running around. He will just sit and listen to what everyone says. I doubt he listens, but he is quiet. He likes it when people talk to him.

BTW we're haveingabout 25 this year. Down from last year. We will be eating upstairs this year and everyone will stay down stairs until it is time for dinner. Bill will sit at the table and watch me cook.

At least that is what I hope happens.

Linda,
Snickers' wisdom, as usual, is on target.
Joyce, I would love to sit with Bill and watch you cook, too. Sounds totally
relaxing (for us!)
Just wanted to pop in with a reply to say hello, Linda! I'm glad to see you posting!
Carol

Hi Linda, Been thinking about you a lot lately since seeing pictures on Manda's wall. Don't know if your mom likes to be the center of attention like mine, but maybe if possible, never know with someone with AD, if you could have her invited into a bedroom, door closed, to visit alone with someone, then another one could come in and join the conversation and then the first one could slip out and join the party. Just a thought. My mom sometimes would go for that if we convinced her because all the activity made her so nervous for the same reasons you stated. Twould be hard to handle when you don't understand what is being said.

We are going to bring Mom home for dinner, first time home, well, my home, since first of Sept. when she was placed. We're going to arrange it so Dad brings her in right when the meal is ready so hopefully she will do okay. Then, whenever she gets antsy Dad can bring her back. Well, that sounds all nice and tidy, I wonder what will really happen!!!

Remember, AD foks get more upset when we do, so enjoy the day and remember what Snicker's said, she is so right, you can't make it all work out, we can't fix AD, and by the way, let the others if they are family help out and you relax a bit!

Happy Thanksgiving to you,

~Kelly~

Linda, my mom is like yours - she doesn't do well with loads of people and noise around. Luckily for us, the family is very small and because of my work, I always have to work on the holidays, so we usually spend it at home and I do my regular afternoon shift.

We go to my brother's house on the weekend to visit for a short period of time - the same for Christmas. Christmas is better because she gets presents and if you say presents, she's all excited.

I was going to cook a turkey this year and mom says she'd rather have Chinese food, so we are doing that (it's easier for me anyway!!!). All the suggestions above would work pretty well, though - keep mom separated from the larger crowd and let her talk to or sit with a small group of people if that's better for her.

Linda,

Your right about following in conversations. My mom seems to do the same thing, even with a few people around. I think everyone's suggestions are really good, and you'll probably have to take it as it comes.

Seems like what they did the last time there was a small crowd around, they won't do at another time. I usually try to get mom involved in very small things with dinner to kinda of keep her mind off the background noise. Folding napkins seems to help, or even setting the table. (you can always fix it up when she's not looking)

And if you'll be serving wine, don't forget to include her and put it with alot of 7-up, or buy the non-alcoholic. Makes them really feel like they're part of the crowd with that wine glass.

At the funeral luncheon on thursday, the restaurant we were at did not have non-alcoholic wine. Not good as we were all going to be having a glass. We like dark, and she likes the light. So the bar tender sent mom a glass of his "special" wine. White grape juice. She said it was the best wine she had ever had. I have white grape juice at home - She hates it!!!


Jackie

I was also one of the lucky ones in that Helen loved being around people. The problem I had is that with Helen, I could no longer cook the dinner so we had to go to other peoples houses and they were not equipped for her. There were chairs she couldn't get out of, walkways where her walker wouldn't fit through and bathrooms too small for me to get her off the toilet. I finally got to a point that once she wet herself, we would go home.

When it came to holidays with Old Navy, we had a small family gathering with my side of the family. He was content to sit and watch us play our usual game of Spoons (a card game and you have to grab a spoon), and it was nice also that the other family members would engage him in one-on-one conversations about the Navy or something they had read in the Bible (his two special topics of interest).

I just cued the others not to argue with Old Navy on any subject, but to find someway to divert his attention to another topic or activity.

I hope this helps.

Linda,

We always tried to include my MIL and found that she was not able to deal with a whole lot. Thanksgiving and Christmas were precious to the entire family. We did this every year and until she neared the end we included her. That was until the last Thanksgiving and she just couldn't cope with any thing out of the ordinary.

She wasn't able to deal with meals out of "her normal" routine. In other words, she could be with us but she needed to eat at her normal time, no matter who was around. And if she needed to lay down we didn't realize that she couldn't keep on going.

Guess what I'm trying to say is, keep it like she likes it, don't push her to do something else and if she needs to be by herself, just let her. I wish I had read her moods more then and somehow it would have been easier. Easier on her and on us as well.

This is the first year in decades that mom will not be at my house for Thanksgiving. I have had to make one of the most difficult decision ever, and that is to not bring her to our house this year for holidays. She is no longer comfortable around all the hustle and bustle, or people she no longer recognizes. I'm basing part of this on what happened this past summer. I brought her to my house on a beautiful warm summer day, thinking she would love to sit on the porch, or walk around the gardens. But she was not comfortable here (and she has spent many, many years staying at my house), and couldn't wait to go back to her adult care home.

Soooo, I will bake a pumpkin pie, write her name on it with whipped cream, and my daughters and I will go visit her.
It's not what I want, but I feel it is what she needs, and her comfort is the most important thing right now, and I don't want to cause her any anxiety.

I imagine we will do the same at Christmas. Such a contrast to two years ago, when she opened her Christmas stocking, and gleefully exxclaimed "this is the most fun Christmas ever".