Tomorrow will be 6 months that Bill has been gone. It hasn't gotten any easier. I have cried more this past week than I did right after. I miss him so much and want him back. I want to hear his voice and feel his arms again I just want to be with him.
Most of the time I'm ok but then out of no where the crying will start again. This Saturday is the memory walk and I'm sure that has something to do with the way I've been feeling. Maybe after it's over I will feel better.

I came back down state yesterday, mainly because I felt I had to make a change and get out of this down mood.
My sister is coming in for the walk and will be staying for about 10 days. It'll be good having her here. She lost her husband 15 years ago so she knows what I'm trying to say when telling how I feel. She'll be good for me. Guess I could talk to my daughter, too. She lost her husband 5 years ago. But I don't know about anyone else, I just know I can't talk to her as freely. After all, she's my daughter and I'm supposed to take care of her, not the other way around. Besides when I talk to her, I end up crying for her because it brings back all the bad memories she has. At least with my sister it's been longer and even though talking brings back her memories it doesn't seem quite as bad.

Here I am back to civilization and unlimited access to the internet and the first thing I do is come here to the people who have helped me so much over the years and cry on their shoulders, again. Why is it that you, most I have never met, are able to make me feel better than people I have known for years.


Once more I say thank you for being here.

Oh Joycie, it seems impossible, or like an eternity? Or just like yesterday. I am glad you Sister is coming too. Being a Daughter, I feel you could lean on yours, but I also understand the feeling of not wanting to cause anyone else pain. Forever the caregiver. I hope you will find the memory walk, helpful, and not hurtful, it is bound to make you proud, I hope.

I'm sorry I missed your call, I've been jut a tad bit busy, with The President, and all. I am thinking it was about the Quilt? And that all seems to be going smoothly. I love you Joyce, call anytime.

Dear, dear Joyce,

It makes sense that it is getting harder, it always gets harder before it gets easier. You've lost Bill, the one you've loved the most for many, many years, the one you've confided in, slept with, had babies with, fought with, cried with, laughed with, rejoiced with, respected, admired, cared for, cooked for, been comforted by, and adored. You have lost half of you, someone incredibly special. BUT, you have a lot too, those beautiful grandchildren who adore you, your children who admire you and many, many friends and other family who love you and need you. It's hard, but you are strong and you'll get through this, it just hurts and frankly, it always will, but not like it does right now. I'm glad you're back with friends and family for now, you enjoy them and keep crying, it's good for you.

Let us know how the memory walk goes. You are greatly admired and loved Joyce, thank you for sharing with us, you are still encouraging us all,

~Kelly~

Oh, my dear friend, I wish there was something I could say that would ease your pain but I know this is just something you have to go through. I could tell you that it will get easier but I know it doesn't feel like it right now. It seems that six month mark is an especially hard one. I hope the walk will give you some peace knowing that you are surrounded by hundreds of others who have walked in your shoes. We are always here for you too.

Dearest Joyce,

I can still picture you kneeling at Bill's side, your head in his lap, and his hand gently patting your back....the image is so sweet and loving and tender it brings tears to my eyes. This disease did not shatter the bond between you and the love you shared will be with you always. I'm glad you have someone with you. And I'm glad you can come here and feel the love and support we all have for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Joyce,
Oh Hon, I can't say I know exactly how you feel, as loosing a husband can't be the same as loosing a parent. But I can only imagine the heartache you must be going through.

And what a wonderful thing for you to say about all of us making you feel better than most you have known longer. But remember my dear, it works both ways. You have and still are there for us through all this, so it makes it easy to be there for you.

Hang in there Joyce. I imagine the pain never goes away, but lessens over time. We're here!

Jackie

How I wish I could do something for you, Joyce. The loss of a spouse is a tremendous loss, I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. I don't know what to say, other than 'you're in my prayers'. I'm so glad your sister will be there for you.

Thanks Friends.
Karen you had to make me cry didn't you?

My sister will be here around noon so I'll have someone here to keep me from just sitting and thinking and crying. Tomorrow is the walk. I'll be glad when it is over. Afterwards, everyone will come to my house for burgers and hotdogs. I'm not going to try to put on a five course barbecue for them. Burgers, dog and chips, that's all they will get. I will have something for them to drink so I'll call it a four course meal. If I count the tomatoes, onions, pickles etc. I can stretch it into a 10 course meal.

I am busy making tshirts with Bill's picture on it for everyone to wear for the walk. I have to buy the shirts today but the pictures are ready to be transferred onto them.
We will all match and when people see us they will Remember Bill (that's the name of our team).

Crella there is nothing anyone can do to make this easier but all of you help by just being here for me to cry to. Those prayers never hurt so keep on praying. Not just for me but for each other here. Especially for those still going through this. A day doesn't go by that I don't ask for strength to go on for all my friends here.

Love you all.

Praying for you and I hope the walk goes well!

Katrina

I'm glad your sister is coming to stay for a bit. I can't believe it's been 6 months already, it does seem like yesterday. Let yourself cry when you need to - it's likely to hurt worse as time goes on, and then one day you will notice it's letting up a bit. I hope the walk goes well today, as usually I have to work - I need to get on a schedule the rest of the world lives on, I miss so many things working this odd schedule.

What beautiful words you all have spoken here. I can only add that my warmest thoughts are with you, Joyce, every single day. I hope you felt some peace today.

Joyce,

May God watch over you and provide you with the loving, nurturing strength to see you through this time. Come back as often as you need to, Dear, to allow us to share your burden of grief and lighten the load at least a little bit for you.

You are in my prayers,

Joyce the void that you have is only a reflection of the incredible relationship you experienced with bill. You can tell by your way you write that you and bill where one of those couples that had something extra. While the void that you feel must seem overwhelming at this point, look at all the lives that you have touched and the good work that you can provide to others.

Thanks for the kind words Ihelp.
I do feel very lucky to have met Bill and that he loved me as much as I loved him. We were married 47 years, had four children and suffered through the loss of our only son when he was seven. With all the bad times we had, I would start from day one and live those entire 47 years all over. Bill and I often talked about living our lives over and tried to decide how far back we would want to go to start this "rerun". Never could pick a good starting place but we both agreed that we would like to relive it. I guess it is true that you tend to forget the bad and remember only the good. I know I am forgetting the hard times over the last ten years and telling myself that I would do it again because it really wasn't that bad. That is until I go back and read the different posts that I have written, then I remember.

Things are going pretty good since the walk. It has been a big help having my sister here the last few days. We sit here and talk about what we did 50-60 years ago. Yesterday we drove to where we grew up and looked at all the changes there. Tomorrow we will go to our other sister's and spend the day there.

I'll be heading back to the woods next Tues and stay there until it's time for Chicago then I'll come back here, pick up Mundee and head to Chicago.

For now things are going good, hope that continues because I don't like the way I've been feeling for the last three weeks.