I have a friend that's moving away and she'd like to meet before she moves away. I would like to visit with her, but it would have to be in a public place. I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of people visiting at our house.

MIL now gets into hysterics at the drop of a hat. I can imagine she gets to the front door before I do and AHHHHHHHHHHH who are these people? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. That'd be one heck of a greeting. I just can't do it, just can't. Hubby's brothers are useless as broken furniture so they wouldn't take MIL for an hour or two.

Is it weird I feel this way about having people over?

Just wondering.

Kat

I would imagine you would be uncomfortable visiting with your friend in your home with your MIL there if anyone was there to watch her while the visit was taking place. Get your DH to watch your MIL and take the day to be with your friend before she leaves. Sounds like you could use the break anyways and this is a good reason to take it.

There is nothing perfect int the world of AD but there are ways to alter things to make the best out of a bad situation. I hope you and your friend are able to get together and have a nice time before she moves.

I don't think it's weird, you know something might happen and feel apprehensive. I think that's normal. I meet my friends outside too, when MIL is home. She quizzes people about their educational levels, asks embarrassing personal questions ('So- how come you two never had kids? Which one of you's the dud?' to a couple we know). And like an impish five-year-old , if she senses that DH or I are upset, it just revs her up to the next level (if you remember that stage ). Nothing good would ever come out of having company over, so we don't.

(edited when I translated exactly what MIL said)

No, not weird at all? Now, you could have a 1/2 dozen of the gals or guys from here, over, and they would do just fine, because they would understand?

Oh, by the way, can I steal this phrase? "Useless as broken furniture" It's a GOOD one!

Kat,
it didn't bother me when people came over, but I would notice that it seemed to bother Bill.
The last few months, when the hospice people would come and we'd sit and talk, he would start to cry. If we were talking about what was going on at that particular time. He seemed to understand and would get upset.

I always figured if they were good friends, they should understand. Guess I lived with AD too long and just thought it was normal.

It was nice to get out without having to worry about what was going to happen and just relax and talk to friends sometimes. I hope you work it out so you can do this.

Laurette is in late-middle stages right now, and I run my business from home. My time is split between caregiving and working, so I'm typically doing one or the other from when I wake up until I sleep. When clients need to come to my studio I worry a little bit too. Laurette will pop in and say odd things sometimes or mistake somebody for family and repeatedly hug and kiss them. It's harmless, but weird and definitely unprofessional.

It's totally normal to be concerned about people's impressions. I just try to warn people in advance whenever it's possible and appropriate. The responses are almost always positive and supportive, and most people respect the caregiving instead of being put off by it. If you can't find a Mom sitter just warn your friend and invite her over!

I know how you feel. I tend to want to keep people away because mom gets really agitated when she knows someone is coming, not to mention that the house isn't exactly in the best condition right now. It seems like every time I have an hour, I'd rather take a nap then clean.

Kat,

Your feeling this way is normal. Don't worry so much about what might happen and be honest with your friend about your concerns with your MIL.

Let her know how visitors cause MIL to go into catastrophic hysteria, and that it would be much easier to meet somewhere else. Then, let her decide whether to see you at home or somewhere nearby and quieter.

She should understand your reasons.

Thanks everyone for the replies! I appreciate them!

The meeting didn't pan out today, it was a blessing in diguise!

We're having a tight month financially so going out wasn't a possibility. I wrote her that it just isn't a good time.

Good thing she didn't come to the house because MIL was so irritable it was insane today. She's come down with a cold and she isn't a happy plum when she's sick lol.

Thanks again everyone! If another visit might arise in the future I'll definitly go for it!

Katrina

Sure! I wish someone would take away the broken furniture (the chairs, not the BILs lol) because MIL won't let us throw them away. If anyone needs a ton of seatless or 3 legged chairs let me know lol!

Kat